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19 Public Reviews Given
26 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Sound  
Review by Avec
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It is all in his head! He can't rest. This is really funny. I like the way you wrote this story. I was suspended. I continued to read because I wanted to know about the buzz. Could a sound be that disturbing? This is very entertaining. I am still smiling.

I think there are a few issues with voice or language. Check the following:
As I was doing a rough sketch of where my furniture would go...

I was sitting on the kitchen floor, drinking another beer, and trying to come up with a plan, when the apartment went silent.
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Review of Tooth Dilemma  
Review by Avec
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this poem, and the part about grandpa's teeth is funny. I know I have heard this before. I do not remember where.
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Review by Avec
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi Stina, I think the descriptions are good, but the use of the word I sounds like too much I. I am commenting on it beause I do the same thing in my writing and plan on correcting it. Perhaps you could write this in third person or a combination of first and third person just to see if it reads better.

Example of a different sentence structure: Although alive, I was unable to move, unable to see, but could hear the birds chirping in the distance and feel the air flow over my body.....something like that to drop the use of I in frist person point of view.

Third person: Stina was alive and unable to move or see, but could feel the air flow on her body and hear the birds chirping in the distance....

I was working on my book and noticed the whole story changed and flowed better after I changed the point of view and dropped the use of I.
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Review of Permeation  
Review by Avec
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
It basically sounds as if therapy was too late because he had already killed his wife. Dead men don't need therapy. Was the boss having an affair with the wife? Sounds like it. Did the character get the electric chair or was he drugged at the insane asylum?

I like the way the story was written...already getting ideas. II like this story...very dark...
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Review by Avec
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think this is very true about war. Kill or be killed is no longer a thought, but rather an action.

I think this is very good as a song.
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