Good work, but in my opinion for a short poem you have implanted too many I's and too many imagines. Makes the reader dizzy. Your poem has many possibilities to capture love. Go for it.
Very nice poem. You do have a mistake in the last line of the fourth stanza. You have to tell my you're alone-- should be to tell me you're alone. Tony
I think you have a good idea here but I also think you should spend more time with this poem because the grammar is not proper and it does not bring to the reader what I think your trying to say. Tony
You have written a pretty good poem here. In my opinion the first two lines are a little confusing.
How dare you--I dare you--same with the second line how change to I. What type of abuse? The second stanza needs work. Keep writing and good luck Tony
Not bad, But you have to polish it up a bit. For an example. How can tears turn to ice on one line and statues melt behind your eyes on the next line? Tony
You have good ideas but you have to make those ideas into a poem. It could be a prose. Leave it the way it is for now, then in a few months come back to it, Tony
Great poem----very well written, I would say you spent a great deal of time on this poem. There are two places in the poem that hit a sour note at least for me. Bade and bled just doesn't work, Tony
Your poem has possiblies, The first stanza foretell- ye and me yuk, where did you come up with that?If you do something with that stanza and form the rest of the poem's lines I believe you will have a greater poem. Just my humble opinion. Tony
Hi Darla, I gave you a 3.5 rating because even though the poem could use more work on your part it is not saying anything new that hasn't been said before a thousand times. Spend more time on it and you will find that you can make it a great poem. Tony ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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