What a fantastically creepy story. I'm not scared of clowns, but this story made me look at them differently. I've never read such a creepy clown story before, and this definitely takes the cake. I think you have a gift for creeping people out, so use it and use it well. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Ok, first off, I want to commend you on your excellent style of writing. Secondly, I would like to tell you how entranced I was with the story, and how I actually longed to feel what she felt when she wore the ring. This could have been a much better story, and I was disappointed with the ending. I've read too many stories like this, and I was expecting something a little different than the shop just disappearing. The story just left me with too many questions: Why were they trying to get the girl to buy the ring in the first place? Who is woman with auburn hair? And if they really wanted her to have it, then why not just give it to her?
I think the story would have been much better had you added some more reasons why the store was there in the first place, but you do have a good style of writing, and I look forward to checking out more of your work.
Great story, I found absolutely nothing wrong with it, and I have no suggestions on how to make it better. Well written, great pacing, and a fantastic ending all tied together to make this a truly memorable piece. Great job!!
I really liked this story. It was an original take on a subject that has been done time and time again. You really created sympathy for the character, and the conflict between his parents made the story much more interesting. I really like how he refers to the moon as Mr. Moon, it gives the character another dimension of innocence and therefore creates even more sympathy. There are only a couple of things I found wrong:
In the sentence:
I tried to get them but the chains bit my leg and my choked me so bad I couldn't reach them.
Should be:
I tried to get them but the chains bit my leg and choked me so bad I couldn't reach them.
Also, at the beginning, when referring to Mr. Wolfson's puppy, he says the puppy gives him kisses sometimes. This makes it seem as if the puppy is still alive, and at the end when it says that he ate the puppy last week, I was confused briefly because I thought the puppy was alive still.
Anyway, a fantastic story, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
What a delightfully creepy tale. I knew there was something off about the grandmother, but I wasn't expecting her to be the vampire.
Plot: The story was well structured and the plot was a fantastic twist on an old fairy tale. The pacing was well done and the events of the story jumped off the page. At the end, I was truly unsettled at the idea of the wolf trying to protect the little girl from her own grandmother. Skillfully written, and chock full of nasty surprises.
Grammar: Good usage, but there were a couple things (not so much grammar but word flow issues):
"And hopefully all of your questions will have answers to them when I’m through with the story you will soon hear.”
I would suggest making this: "And hopefully all of your questions will have answers to them when I’m through with the story.
Also:
She asked as her tears emptied from her eyes like melting ice cycles on a warm winters day.
This should be spelled icicles
Other than those few things, I found nothing wrong with the story. It was a great read, and definitely my favorite version of "Little Red Riding Hood" You have a fantastic imagination, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
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