This was a charming little epitaph with a whimsical edge. I reads like a comic book actually. That could be a good thing or bad thing. I choose the former. I would have like to have seen more dialog. Also, when you mention prostitution and homicide, it made it kind of serious and dark. I personally don’t like dark humor. Just identify who your audience is. Good job and keep improving. Kudos!
I loved your rating conditions. I completely see your reasons for how you rate. I saw that you said that you do not do long drawn out reviews. I have a question for you; percentage wise, how much of your reviewing is critiquing and suggestions compared to simply praise giving? I tend to hinge on the latter. Unless it is blatantly under quality work I have a hard time giving advice. If you would, may you review a piece of my work so I can better understand your method? Oh, and happy WDC birthday!
Honestly, I had to look up hyperbole; Now that I know it, the poem is more effective. This was very clever. All your exagreations made the usefulness and highlighted unique quality that they provide. Nice wit too. You certainly got your point across. Congrats on makinig the editor's pick for the comedy newsletter!
This was fluent and simple enough to empathize with. It almost seems like the person’s heart is in bondage to Chris. She is a slave to her own emotions. You paint the picture of a relationship that is too good to be true. Like it says in the Bible, the heart is deceptive. I personally think that she should leave him but over and over again she talks about how much she is captivated by him. Then female narrator is a slave to his will. How unfortunate. What a delicate, sad poem.
Amazing, I could go on for hours talking about and reflecting on this great narration. You held my attention through every paragraph. Sometimes I find longer stories to be a chore to read when in such cases all that is given is mundane, trite description and confusing dialog. Have you ever published before? I honestly think this is print-worthy. I can tell you polished this because I found no typos or grammar errors. You had a fitting tittle too. Well, I’ll stop praising you here; I don’t won’t to sound like I’m buttering you up. Seriously, great work!
This was nice and sweet. The shortness just added to its charm. The idea of love coming with patience is evident here. You express this with the words “But just give me some more time” and “Take some time to just unwind.” To me the butterfly metaphor hints to the freedom that love gives. I believe you inferred this with the second line. I love how everything is simply expressed with such innocence and positivity. Splendid work!
Quite brave of you to bare your soul like you did. The whole narration shows how complicated love can be, especially trying to find your “true love” as they say. The whole process of dating to find the right person seems brutal. Misplaced feelings must be prominent in the search for such an individual. The only one I’d totally trust my whole heart to is Jesus. He won’t let you down. I hope that you have or will recover from your old relationship and learn from it. What an emotional gem, good read.
What an inspiring poem. I admire the message of passing on the gift of love and that what you give will come back to you. I also liked the planting a seed of love that reflects how it has the ability to spread and grow. It reminds me of the parable in the Bible that likens the kingdom of heaven as a seed. It is sad that most of the world does not sow the seed of love to each other. Great work; which I think deserves five stars. Keep writing.
You really created an atmosphere of murkiness and despair. The verbs and rhyming were so rendering. I can picture this dark, treacherous abode of the dead and dying. There seems to be a story like design. A protagonist and the setting is introduced with the scenery slowly changing to be more melancholy. Finally there is a climax when the man realizes he is alone and then is killed never to return. Ominous work man. Great!
The short segment of the story was a little mundane but I was immediately drawn in when John realized he was alone. I could sense the panic that he had after the rest of his crew was lost. The unfortunate presence of the alien was a nice touch. I also like how the story switches from horrible to hopeful with the discovery of the beacon. You know, when you said “The Kreptan rubbed his antennae in satisfaction as the photovoltaic terminator…” I thought you were talking about an alien! Now I know it was just his head fixture. Great suspense! Oh and try putting breaks between paragraphs. It is easier on the eyes. Kudos!
This was beautifully written. I think you end it very well too. I’m not really a romance person but I found this intriguing. I experienced the happy pastimes the couple had and it made me smile. Like I mentioned before, the ending was sweetly bitter. I like a nice melancholy infusion. The poem has a way of lingering and reminiscing in my mind like passing wind. I think you picked the best season too. Nice read!
This is a charming story that touches on the most mysterious and splendid wonders of life-the existence of those amazing heavenly beings called angels. I totally believe in angels and that they protect children, patrol the Earth, and fight in spiritual combat. I found a few verb tense errors where you mixed past with present forms. Other than that, it was great. I hope you get a good present for your WDC anniversary from your guardian angel.
One thing I can see clearly is that you’re very articulate and you have an impressive vocabulary. Sometimes, however, complex words go right over people’s heads. Such people would call this “wordiness.” Try to remember to present things in such a way that the readers can connect with the plot and characters the way you see them. Try to reduce the amount of fillers and use more creativity then technical know- how. This should be a breeze. One thing I would suggest is to break up paragraphs and also put spaces between dialogs. Happy WDC birthday my friend!
Great poem! This reminds me of the Jabberwocky rhyme; the words are fun to say. I especially liked how you described the monsters as being small and nasty. My favorite two lines were-
Tiny little monsters come in green , blue, and red.
There could be a thousand tiny monsters living under your bed
Ooo, goose bumps! I also think this was charmingly witty as well. One thing is sure, this is not a bedtime story!- unless you want to punish your child. Great read man! This deserves a near perfect rating and some GPs.
This was touching. I like how everything was so happy at the end even with Mr. Death taking Tina (which sounds like Tuna) and how she came back to life. At first I thought this might be a horror with the glowing mans’ eye’s. That part was wonderfully spooky. Well, I hope you continue to write great works like this. In honesty, this was a story that made me smile; a true gem! I may take a look at your port later. God bless!
This was quite the funny epitaph. I like when Mathew teases his little brother Brian. Without knowing the title, I could see what was going to happen. Maybe the monster could have eaten Mathew- sweet justice! I do wonder what might have followed if the story was extended. I would imagine a vicious fight between the monster and the three humans. I hope you consider entering into more contests. Congrats for being part WDC for yet another year!
Nice palate of imagery and emotion. You did and excellent job of fitting all that dark nostalgia into such a short writing space. The whole feel of this poem has a sedentary ominousness. I noticed two typos-“ It is a cold adn unpleasant portal.” adn should be “and.” Also when you say “…dense, balck surfaces” I think you men “black.” The atmosphere was also very succinct right up to the surprising ending which totally transformed the feel of it. Great work!
I like your use of the metaphor of a tiger being the object of a romantic complication. I also noticed that you even use verbs as metaphors like when you say “A shadow here, a rustle there” to infer the flirtatious antagonizing of the person (or at least that’s what I got from it). I thought the fire symbolized the victim’s will and strength which is lost at the end. The final four words “The Tiger walks tonight” was a nice touch; very melancholy. This was nice to read. Happy WDC birthday.
You cleverly mixed action and suspense with fantasy to create a descriptive, rapidly moving story. The climax of Erdrick piercing the black dragon was followed nicely with the falling action right up to the last word… “Darkness.” It sounded very ominous. And the fast paced action was easy to follow and not hard to comprehend. I do not have any suggestion for your contest entry. I did spot a measly few typos but that’s it. Like everything there is a way to make it better but you’ll have to get that criticism from someone else. Good luck with the contest bro!
You have excellent narration ability and you shifted from scene to scene smoothly; the same with your description and dialog. It was neat how the climax and story premise where the in the very ending paragraphs with El possessing the gem. I would suggest one thing; put more fantasy content throughout the story. I’m saying this to myself as well. There are only certain points that I put in my contest entry that include things like supernatural glowing lights, like what you had at the end. All in all a little tweaking would do good to make this even better. Best of luck I the contest!
I truly felt sorry and upset that Kristen was unloved. I think this kind of situation is more prevalent than people know. Just like your story showed, some parents would rather expel a son or daughter who has emotional or mental problems, than try to understand or show human compassion. Very heart breaking stuff. You illustrate it well.
This was a jewel of a tale. The girl's curiosity and thoughtfulness clearly comes out. I loved her innocent concern with everything. To me the cashew tree was metaphorical. It might have embodied love or innocence. The tittle seems to be a metaphor in itself. The plot setting was appropriate I thought with the girl being so intimate with nature. Lovely work!
What a kind couple. I personally would shy away from such risky actions not that what they did was bad. I might have missed it, but what are the two young strangers activists for? Forgive me to say so little but it has been a while since I have been doing reviews. I did spot one error. This is what you have bellow-
"Peggy, what about shoes?", I suddenly thought. "We can't buy shoes
that don't fit us?"
When you say "Peggy, what about shoes?", get rid of the quotes and italicize what you wrote. Anyway, you certainly did what you set out to accomplish. Nice work!
What a nice little adventure! I liked the part with the crocodile. The description of its scales as being molten lava was very vivid. Is it just me or does his name sound like jock strap?-or was that intended? Good job on putting all the necessary elements to make this a complete story in such a small space. It's a little hard for me to do that. Anyways, kudos to you and have a great holiday!
This was truly touching. You had me lamenting over the things that befell Banjo like the death of his mother and the way he holds the memory of his mother and Ellie from the picture. His gentle kind personality and the way everyone cared for him left me in a sad nostalgia. A heartfelt and wonderful story to the end. Nice job.
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