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237 Public Reviews Given
249 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Prisoner of War  
Review by Jonathan Marx
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following review is brought to you by "Invalid Item" 

Please note that this review is just my opinion...
OVERALL:
This story is quite the short tale about a man named John in a prison cell. It was written as a Flash Fiction most likely for a contest. That really is my only complaint. It seems like too good of an intro to just have it stop there. Hopefully when you win the contest you expand the story more. You’ve endeared us to John in such a short piece, especially with the mention of his daughter. Great job.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC:

“You filthy pig.” He said in perfect English.
Comma after pig. “He” should be lower case.

SUGGESTIONS:
My only suggestions are to make the edits. Great read and good luck!

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27
27
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
It's a good intro into your fantasy story. One thing you should watch out for are things like the following:

Urusu nodded, fearing his wrath, “A-as you wish. He is known only as Nightmare-“

"Urusu noded, fearing his wrath," isn't a dialogue tag and should end with a period. The times lines like these should end in a comma is when you have a tag about your character saying something, "he said", "he told her".

You did it again later so I thought I'd mention it.

Other than that, great introduction, and I'm sure it'll turn out to be a great story.

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28
28
Review of Yesterday  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following review is brought to you by "Invalid Item" 

You said you want to get better at writing on your little blurb on the Public Reviews page. I see nothing structurally wrong with this piece. It's in an ABAC format. With poety, you write what' you feel. Stories are for other people. Poetry is for yourself. If you want to develop technique I suggest you go and do 100 poetry reviews right now. The best way to learn is to give feedback on things you do know about and then take the things you don't. But personally, I think this little piece is fine. Thanks for the read!

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29
29
Review of Whispers  
Review by Jonathan Marx
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
The following review is brought to you by "Invalid Item" 

You're a natural poet and lyricist. I didn't listen the the original version of how the tune is supposed to go, and I made up my own tune. I think if you and I get together we can go to Nashville. It's time we took a chance. It's for the music.

But in all seriousness, unless you actually considered the above words, these are great lyrics and would make a great song. I liked how you changed up the AABB pattern for the verse and did an ABAB pattern for the chorus. Good luck in the contest and I hope you win!

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30
30
Review of Autumn Requiem  
Review by Jonathan Marx
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The following review is brought to you by "Invalid Item" 

Please note that this review is just my opinion...

OVERALL:
This is another great poem that was writing for a contest that uses a picture prompt. Written for "Paper Doll Gang Form Poetry Contest"  it follows the prompt perfectly.

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION/MISC:
None I could see.

FLOW/RHYTHM:
The piece flowed perfectly. It followed the Decuain rules of ten lines, ten syllables in each line and an ABABBCBCCC pattern.

SUGGESTIONS:
Great job and great poem! No suggestions. Good luck in the contest. Keep writing!


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31
31
Review of Transformation  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The following review is brought to you by "Invalid Item" 

Please note that this review is just my opinion...

OVERALL:
This is a beautifully written poem about a wolf and its kill. Written for "Invalid Item"  it follows the prompt perfectly.

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION/MISC:
None I could see.

FLOW/RHYTHM:
The piece flowed very well. It followed the Huitain rules of eight line, eight syllables in each line and an ABABBCBC pattern.

SUGGESTIONS:
Great job and great poem! No suggestions. Good luck in the contest. Keep writing!


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32
32
Review by Jonathan Marx
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The following is the a review from the Group "Invalid Item" !

Please note that this review is just my opinion... To know how I rate/review stories read the following "Invalid Item" . I rate each section from 1 – 5, then average out the ratings. That average will be the final rating.

OVERALL:
This story was full of action from the beginning. A hunter (I'm guessing a tiger from the mention of stripes) is the last in his land due to his kind being taken by "The Loud Ones" (I'm guessing poachers". You really get into the emotions of your "hunter" which is what hooked me. There was great character development here. Still, the best part of this story was the action.

TITLE/INTRODUCTION: 4.5 Points
You hook the reader well with this introduction. In the first paragraph the hunter is stalking his prey. You start the story off with action.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 5 Points
Another great aspect to this story is your hunter. You go through great detail to develop him and to make him a three dimensional dynamic character. Good job.

PLOT/STORY/FLOW: 5 Points
The pace of this story was fantastic as well as the story itself.

ENDING: 4 Points
It was a great ending. I did have one issue with it though. The hunter saw that the Loud One was just killing to eat and wasn't there to cause trouble, but couldn't the hunter also see that the bear was just killing to eat as well and didn't mean to cause trouble. Why would he side with the Loud One over the bear?

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC: 4 Points

Those that came with their booming weapons, their metal traps, and killed and captured those with his fur.
No "and" before "killed".

These were his lands now .The Loud Ones had been gone for a long time.
No space after "now" and put the space after the "."

These were his lands now .The Loud Ones had been gone for a long time.
This sentence confused me. Isn't the last thing they couldn't take from him the first thing they could?

He had gotten back just in time to see them being taken away in the giant, loud, metal monster that they Loud Ones used for transportation, of both themselves and his friends.
This is another sentence I feel needs to be revised. I would maybe say "used for the transportation of both themselves and his friends".

SUGGESTIONS:
My only suggestions are to make the above edits and somehow answering the question in the "Ending" section in your story.



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33
33
Review of The Destroyer  
Review by Jonathan Marx
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The following review is brought to you by "Invalid Item" 

Please note that this review is just my opinion...

OVERALL:
This story is quite the adventure and you have a knack for keeping readers on their toes. Your introduction hooked the reader well and you keep the pace all the way through. There is a solid conclusion in the end. Simple, yet solid. The only thing I found needing improvement was the edits.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC:

Grasshopper being startled leaped with his legs, soaring far from Jumping-montain's grasp, sending warning calls were ever he went.
Mountain*

The And to Jumping-mountains amazement he found himself be spite out of the Destroyers mouth down the mountain.
Be spite?

With horror Jumping-mountain saw the creature level the grass forest, as it raced back and forth with grate speed.
Great speed*

Withen moments it had already leveled a hug part of the grass forest. A realization came to Jumping-mountain.
Within*

It's anger seemed to never be satisfied, for it never ceased it deafening roar.
It’s*

Jumping-mountian just barley escape and rest only to find the Destroyer was coming again.
mountain*

With a sigh exhaustion Jumping-mountian fell into a dreamless sleep.
Sigh of exhaustion* mountain*


SUGGESTIONS:
My only suggestions are to make the above edits. Great read!

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34
34
Review of Times of Trial  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
OVERALL:
This is a funny, witty, yet dramatic story about a Professor and his new student. After impressing Professor Knotts in class, Carly is invited to stay after class, where the two have a logical repartee.

TITLE/INTRODUCTION: .75 points
This was a good intro. You set the story up well by presenting your character as a fish out of water.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 1 point
I think Knotts is what I like best about this story. He’s quite the character. Carly fulfilled his purpose in countering Knotts.

PLOT/STORY/FLOW: .75 points
The plot was simple, the content was complex. I highly enjoyed the banter between the two, but the pace was just a tad too slow for me.

ENDING: 1 points
It was a nice complete ending. Carly was able to find a friend, and Knotts was able to find an intellectual equal.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC: 1 point
Nothing I could find.

SUGGESTIONS:
My only suggestion is to maybe add an opening line that will hook the readers. It was a great read. Thanks for entering!

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35
35
Review of Triple Danger  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The following is the official contest review for "Invalid Item" !

Please note that this review is just my opinion... To know how I rate/review stories read the following "Will Readers Like Your Story?" . I rate each section either a 0, .5, or 1. When added together, that is the rating I give. I do this so that I can back up my ratings if people get upset and so that you specifically know what I think needs work.

OVERALL:
This was a great story about a man who constantly cheated on his wife. One day he finds himself tied up and at the mercy of three women who want to teach him a lesson about cheating. I enjoyed this tale very much. I’m glad he got what was coming.

TITLE/INTRODUCTION: .5 points
I gave you a .5, but I was borderline on this because I really wanted to give you a 1, but couldn’t. It was a good hook in the sense that I didn’t like your main character from the get go, and I wanted to keep reading to see what bad things were going to happen to him, but the reason I knew that something bad was going to happen was because I sensed it. My suggestion is to maybe start off the story with the old man telling him not to go inside before he gets the text from his wife. It would leave people wondering why he shouldn’t go inside making them want to read on.

CHARACTERS: 1 point
You developed Rodger very well. You created a character we can all hate and told us enough about him so that we want bad things to happen to him.

PLOT/STORY/FLOW: 1 point
The story was great. You had a good flow and good pace. You didn’t dwell on anything too long and kept it moving from one girl to the next.

ENDING: .5 points
It was a good ending, but I couldn’t give a full point because it left me with some questions. How were they going to repair Rodger after all they did to him? How did she know he’d go to that specific place and order a Triple Danger? It would be a great ending if you answered these in the story.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC: 1 point

“I think your friend said something similar,” Rodger said as he watched the whip slowly move back and forth.
Comma after “said”.

Then he gave out a small, and quiet, “Ow.”
No comma necessary after “small”.

SUGGESTIONS:
My suggestions are to make the above edits. You did most of my edits for me beforehand which is really how it should be. Great job! Have a good week!

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36
36
Review of The Epitaph  
Review by Jonathan Marx
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Please note that this review is just my opinion... To know how I rate/review stories read the following "Invalid Item" . I rate each section either a 0, .5, or 1. When added together, that is the rating I give.

OVERALL:
This was a well written and exciting tale about a man, in mourning over his dead beloved, who is attacked by a creature known as the Mortesci

TITLE/INTRODUCTION: 1 point
Great hook. The beginning words were very ominous making the reader want to continue.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 1 point
We didn’t learn much about the man, but I think he’s supposed to remain somewhat a mystery. He had depth and he had emotion. He worked for the story. We were able to empathize with him quickly due to the emotions you conveyed over the loss of his wife.

PLOT/STORY/FLOW: 1 point
The story moved at an exciting pace. Everything led up to the exciting action scene when the beast attacked. It kept me on my toes.

ENDING: 1 point
This was a nice, complete ending with a twist. As a reader, I was satisfied.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC: .5 points

They usually come alone to the prey's lair and mauled it.
They usually came* alone to the…

He had first heard the sound when closed the door to the cottage.
“he” between “when” and “closed”.

He silently walked to the wall that was furtherest to the coffin and took the shot gun that hung there
He silently walked to the wall that was (furthest from)* the coffin and took the shotgun* that hung there.

The second charge of the animal broke the window in half. the cold breeze again wafted in through the cottage extinguishing the torch and engulfing the room in darkness for the second time that night.
The “the” after the period should be capitalized.

I Then something happened which he did not understand, he had fleeting images of the beast near the window, and again of , trying to charge him, when it paused and writhed in agony, he then blacked out with a final glimpse of it vaulting through the open window and running off into the night.
Run on sentence. Revise.

He staggered out of his stupor after a few moments, he was delirious with pain from a gash to his forehead.
Another run on. Divide into two.

SUGGESTIONS:
My only suggestion is to make the above edits. Great job! Keep writing!

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37
37
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please note that this review is just my opinion... To know how I rate/review stories read the following "Invalid Item" . I rate each section either a 0, .5, or 1. When added together, that is the rating I give.

OVERALL:
This was a good story about a planet called Cootcherland and its inhabitants the Cootchers. I liked Boobaloo’s transformation from being feared to being afraid. He then found err in ways and became a good Cootcher. I don’t know how to put this, but I think it should be said. This is a children’s story, so I really really really think you should consider changing the following names: Cootcherland, Cootchers, and Boobaloo. All have something to do with female body parts to put things lightly.

TITLE/INTRODUCTION: 1 point
You hooked me from the beginning by making me want to learn about the unknown planet Cootcherland and the Cootcher inhabitants.

CHARACTERS: .5 points
I don’t feel I learned enough about your characters. How did Boobaloo know more about the reason for Baboo’s color than he did? Why was Boobaloo so mean? What do the Cootchers look like?

PLOT/STORY/FLOW: 1 point
The story was good. You had a good flow and good pace, not staying on one thing for too long. I empathized with Baboo and felt sad he couldn’t make friends.

ENDING: 1 point
It was a good ending. Boobaloo learned his lesson and all the Cootches began to love each other and became clear. Baboo made a lot of new friends. Good ending.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC: 0 points

They floated around from place to place and changed color according to there moods.
their*

The citizens that inhabited Cootcherland looked like leprachaun shaped creatures with 2 hands and 2 feet; no arms or legs like we have.
Leprechaun* Also, it’s a given nowadays to spell out numbers ten and under.

Boobaloo new a secret
Knew*

So Boobaloo thought he'd try to convince Boobaloo to have a Cootcherland meeting so that the truth could be revealed about him being nothing but a so called "ghost".
Boobaloo is trying to convince Boobaloo?

The next day he approached Boobaloo who didn't like Baboo's presence very much and was would turn even greener with jealously and anger.
Comma after “Boobaloo” and another one after “much”. Take out the “was would” and change “turn” into “turned”.

"Boobaloo, would you please tell the other citizens about me so that they will welcome me with warmth and love instead of repelling me and floating quickly away"?
Question mark inside the quotation.

"You want to take my title".
Period inside the quotation.

Boobaloo was now feared with fear like most of the cootchers and said "I'm red now, you made me red".
“Filled” not “feared”.Period inside the quotation. Capitalize “Cootcher”.

Baboo said, "Your'e brave and you can do it. Nothing will change and you will still be the Grand Master Cootcher of Cootcherland. "They will love you, not fear you!"
Split into a separate paragraph as it is a different person speaking than the dialogue before. You’re*

Baboo and that he was'nt a ghost at all.
Wasn’t*

Then slowly one by one each and every cootcher changed colors until they all disapeared.
Disappeared*

SUGGESTIONS:
My suggestions are to make the above edits. Also, to consider changing the names. Give us more background on Baboo and Boobaloo. Great job and creative story! Have a good week!

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38
38
Review of Triple Danger  
Review by Jonathan Marx
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Please note that this review is just my opinion... To know how I rate/review stories read the following "Invalid Item" . I rate each section either a 0, .5, or 1. When added together, that is the rating I give. I do this so that I can back up my ratings if people get upset and so that you specifically know what I think needs work.

OVERALL:
This was a great story about a man who constantly cheated on his wife. One day he finds himself tied up and at the mercy of three women who want to teach him a lesson about cheating. I enjoyed this tale very much. I’m glad he got what was coming.

TITLE/INTRODUCTION: .5 points
I gave you a .5, but I was borderline on this because I really wanted to give you a 1, but couldn’t. It was a good hook in the sense that I didn’t like your main character from the get go, and I wanted to keep reading to see what bad things were going to happen to him, but the reason I knew that something bad was going to happen was because I sensed it. My suggestion is to maybe start off the story with the old man telling him not to go inside before he gets the text from his wife. It would leave people wondering why he shouldn’t go inside making them want to read on.

CHARACTERS: 1 point
You developed Rodger very well. You created a character we can all hate and told us enough about him so that we want bad things to happen to him.

PLOT/STORY/FLOW: 1 point
The story was great. You had a good flow and good pace. You didn’t dwell on anything too long and kept it moving from one girl to the next.

ENDING: .5 points
It was a good ending, but I couldn’t give a full point because it left me with some questions. How were they going to repair Rodger after all they did to him? How did she know he’d go to that specific place and order a Triple Danger? It would be a great ending if you answered these in the story.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC: 1 point

“I think your friend said something similar,” Rodger said as he watched the whip slowly move back and forth.
Comma after “said”.

Then he gave out a small, and quiet, “Ow.”
No comma necessary after “small”.

SUGGESTIONS:
My suggestions are to make the above edits. You did most of my edits for me beforehand which is really how it should be. Great job! Have a good week!

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39
39
Review of Love Sublime  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (5.0)
Please note that this review is just my opinion... To know how I rate/review stories read the following "Invalid Item" . I rate each section either a 0, .5, or 1. When added together, that is the rating I give.

OVERALL:
This was great, but sad story about a guy with insecurities. He finally meets a girl he’s willing to get over them with, but unfortunately she dies in the end. This was well-written and well-crafted. The emotions in this story are so dimensional and realistic. A lot of us suffer from insecurities that we have to get over.

INTRODUCTION: 1 point
There was a good hook to this story. From the first line you want to hear the story of the one girl he was able to fall in love with. Great introduction.

CHARACTERS: 1 point
There was a lot of depth to your main character. Every relationship he gets scared and decides to run away, except for this one. She’s different.

PLOT/STORY/FLOW: 1 point
There was a great flow to this story. I do question the usage of italics in that middle section of the story. It seemed unnecessary to me.

ENDING: 1 point
There was a good ending to this piece. He finally allowed himself to fall in love. How unfortunate that she ended up dying. : (

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC: 1 point

Wait, Ethan.”, she called softly.
Comma after Ethan, not period.

SUGGESTIONS:
Great job! My only suggestion is to make that one edit. Keep writing!

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40
40
Review of Devil House  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please note that this review is just my opinion... To know how I rate/review stories read the following "Invalid Item" . I rate each section either a 0, .5, or 1. When added together, that is the rating I give.

OVERALL:
This was an okay story, but I feel you could have done more with it. You opened with a spooky house, and had a great introduction. I thought it fell a little flat after that and left a few unanswered questions. You’ve got talent as a writer. I’m sure you’ll come up with a way to add a little more depth to the tale.

INTRODUCTION: 1 point
This was a good introduction. From the first sentence I wanted to know why it was called the devil house. Good hook.

CHARACTERS: .5 points
I think you could have developed the characters a little better. I didn’t learn enough about them, and what I did learn was through dialogue.

PLOT/STORY/FLOW: .5 points
I gave you a .5 for the flow of the story, but there really wasn’t a plot to this.

ENDING: .5 points
This had an ending, but it didn’t leave me satisfied. I still had questions and wanted to know more.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/MISC: 1 point
I found no errors.

SUGGESTIONS:
It has the potential to be a great story, and it’s a good idea. I just want to see you do something with it more than just kids who talk about a spooky house then one moves away. I’m sure you’ll come up with something. Keep writing!

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41
41
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Please note that the following is just my opinion...

OVERALL:

Who said classic was over-done? This was a good classic tale of a woman who didn't quite make it to the hospital and needed a good sameritan bystander to help her deliver it. One of the more important parts of a story is a character's reaction to an event taking place. The reactions that your "young driver" had were very realistic and I was able to sympathize with him. Good job!

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION/MISC:

I didn't see any errors.

SUGGESTIONS:

Great job and great read! No suggestions. Keep writing! Have a good weekend!

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42
42
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (3.0)
Believe me, I know first hand that every couple fights. I'm glad you're mature enough to realize this, and I hope you don't let the fighting affect you too much, whether your a friend, child, or however this story relates to you. There are a couple of things you should take a look at and edit:

Dont let anything like that riun your love and friendship with each other.

Apostrophe in "don't" and ruin*

Both of you will say and do things that will make the other mad, it's unavoidable thats life and love

Apostrophe in "that's".

Have a good weekend and keep writing!

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43
43
Review of This Pen  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (4.5)
Kudos on being original. The worlds we create really are one of the few things we can control. A lot of my stories are based off of things I wish I could do, but I can't because there are rules in this world. I noticed no grammar/spelling errors, nor do I have any suggestions for this piece. What hooked me to it was the originality. Great job!
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44
44
Review of I am a teenager  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please note that the following is just my opinion...

OVERALL:

It was a bit unconventional, but I liked it. There are so many different aspects to the modern day teenager. They are so good at changing themselves depending on the situations.

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION/MISC:

None that I noticed.

FLOW/RHYTHM:

The piece flowed very well with an abab pattern. It kept the same pattern and rhythm all the way to the end, save for the last stanza where you changed it up.

SUGGESTIONS:

Great job and great poem! No suggestions. Keep writing and keep putting stuff up on this site. WDC has helped me fine tune a lot of my work. See you around.
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45
45
Review of Love Poem  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (4.0)
I would fix the lower case "i"'s, but other than that, no suggestion. I'm sure your "baby" will enjoy this and I'm sure you'll bring a smile to... um... his or her face. It's always fun to write things for your significant other and it's one of the more thoughtful presents. Good job and best to you and yours.
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46
46
Review of The Heart Dies  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (4.0)
Aw... How sad. Everyone's heart goes through those moments where it doesn't know if it'll ever love again. Hopefully, yours isn't and this is just a poem. As a free-verse it works well, though I'm personally partial to centered formatting. I think the fact that you divided this into stanzas is also a bit distracting. It's a good little piece, but for lookes I'd center it and take out the spaces. Just a suggestion. It didn't affect your rating. Good job!
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Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great piece about turning thirty. I'm there myself in a few years, but I'm sure it's not that bad... Still, this poem was filled with a lot of feeling about a lost childhood and lost dreams. You start off not knowing how to feel, but realize you are who you are, and that you should be proud of it. I especially like the line about how the world turned thirty. The world really is only as old as we are. Great job and write on!

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Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (4.5)
Please note that the following is just my opinion...

OVERALL:
This was a great poem which, to me, was about staying positive through rough times. I think that's good advice for a lot of people on this site, and very inspirational.

GRAMMAR/PUNCTUATION/MISC:

None that I noticed.

FLOW/RHYTHM:

The piece flowed very well with an A,B,A,B pattern. The rhythm stayed the same all the way through.

SUGGESTIONS:

Great job and great poem! No suggestions, just keep writing!
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Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a great, yet sad, tale about a person who worked at a hospice and witnessed his first passing. While the Nancy is dying, the main character has glimpses of the Nancy's past, though I am unsure of whether or not these past events really happened, or whether your main character is using his/her imagination and trying to guess what Nancy's life was like before she was in the hospice. Regardless, great story, but as with every story, there are a couple of edits that need to be made,

There was no reserve--the cry of an infant that fully believes it's parents have abandoned it in it's time of most desperate need.

"Its" not "it's".

A tear ran from the corner of his eye but he smiled the sad smile of long term love mixed with guilt.

Comma before "but".

Again, great story. My heart did one of those pulling things. Have a good rest of the week!

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Review of Catherine Newton  
Review by Jonathan Marx
Rated: E | (3.5)
Please note that the following is just my opinion...

OVERALL:

This is a good story about a boy who starts college, and is taken aback by a fellow student who is years older and gets on his nerves. As the story progresses, he begins to understand the woman a little more and they seem to be on the path towards friendship. It was an enjoyable read, but it needs to be edited as I found a few errors. (see below)

SUGGESTIONS:

I was so excited about class, but also nervous. I’m naturally nervous about lots of things. But this was my first time taking a class in college

To me, I can sum the first sentence up to: I'm excited, but nervous about class. The second and third sentence I can sum up to: I'm nervous, but excited about school. Seems off to me to have these back to back.

His hair was spiked and he wore a tight turtleneck with camouflaged shorts.

Comma between “spiked” and “and”

I thought he might’ve been another student, but he was carrying a leather briefcase and he walked to the desk at the front of the class.

Comma between “briefcase” and “and”.

The classroom was deathly silent.

”Deathly” implies danger.

I was confused because, in high school, we responded by saying “Here”.

No comma necessary between “because” and “in”.

I then began to believe that, in college, the students didn’t speak as much and, instead, listened.

No comma necessary between “and” and “instead”.

She then leaned forward and whispered into the nape of my beck.

nape of my neck*

After Professor Bean finished, he came around his desk and sat on it, directly in front of me.

no comma necessary between “it” and “directly”.

With a whoosh of air in my ear, I heard Catherine’s arm shoot into the air.

I don't think you can hear a person raise their hand in the air no matter how fast they raise it.

But Professor Bean stood up and reached into his briefcase and pulled out a stack of papers that turned out to be our syllabus and semester goal.

I would take out the “but” at the beginning of the sentence, since but implies an exception to a previous statement. Also, it would read better if that first “and” were just a comma.

She then continued going on about different vampire and werewolf myths and I was beginning to think she was insane. Finally, when we got got to my next classroom, I told her and she said, “Oh, okay. See you Wednesday, Jacob.”

Comma between “myths” and “and”. Also, I was confused by the “I told her” part. You told her she was crazy, and her reply was “Oh, okay. See you Wednesday, Jacob.”?

She was a little quirky, true, but she was someone that I didn’t mind talking to, and learning with. And learning from.

I would combine these two sentences into one.

SUGGESTIONS:

My only suggestion is to make the above edits. The amount of errors took away from the piece, but once you make these corrections it's 4 star worthy at least. You've got a good story here, and I did enjoy it. It just needs the fine tuning
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