Time, the past, present and future, and the thoughts that we have of them. The basket of our ideas.
Edit comment:
The closing sentence ''' I remember her standing on a dining room chair ''' and ''' so Mama stands up in her chair ''' Should the 'both' not be the same action? ''' Mama stood on her chair ?
'''... and friend -- my mama -- was losing her mind. ''' Capital for Mama?
Minor items which does not affect a well told story. I did enjoy this story, even with the pathos involved.
I too, gave my first pint of blood, at the age of 18. Somehow I was not very diligent about it, which is a
pity , as I have had the benifit of it at my children's birth, as both required blood. Blue babies.
Edit comment:
Spacing. In the first half - there is a lack, much better in the second half.
You still need a few commas, which you will pick up if you reread your item slowly and aloud.(there is an item on rereading in my port, I did not write it, better writers than I did, I only endorse it)
I would suggest that you look at the last paragraph -word choice-bumped/crashed,smashed? and a few commas. A pity that a good life can be lost so recklessly and easily.
Well written and interesting, a new insight to how it is done in other parts of the world. Here we get tea and cookies.
Nice, good story, thoroughly entertaining.
Well presented ... with almost not a comment.
I think you did that on purpose, to see if the readers are taking note.
How did she keep her leg elevated?
A few odd commas, when you reread, you will find them.
An amusing story with funny in between. An enjoyable story.
An interesting (?) fact, the better a man's marriage was, the sooner he tends to remarry.
Edit comment.
Not that it matters all that much, if you were to reread the story again, how many changes and/or additions would you make. What about 'but', not a sin, yet, not a nice word. Well, we will have to live with two of them "buts'
As this is a 'short story folder' and I read them all, they are short and quick to read, it was worth the effort.
Snow is not something we know, I have seen it twice in my lifetime, once about 6 inches deep and the other time about 2 inches deep, then, this, is South Africa. We do get snow on the mountains.
An enjoyable read, most stories are amusing and easy reading, even the dire warning of things to come, well written. My favorite would be 'The Goddess', .... never tempt.
Reviewing:Revision with the aim to improvement.
Editing:To prepare as a book for publication and by writing, correcting or selecting the matter.
Hello,
Edit.
An alternate word for 'BUT'? Not a swear word, yet, it is frowned upon, is it not?
A comma or two short. I do not know if prayers require commas as they are usually rendered in haste.
Review.
An amusing story. You date via the 'net'? Okay, we got to take what we can get. You do not like zoos?(Yuck, no undies, the image !!!)
The human, from beginning to end is an enigma which will never allow itself to total analysis.
The variables are far too numerous to comprehend, yet, it is an interesting field to dabble in.
Should you visit my port. here at Wdc you will note that my maxim is - 'You get only one life, enjoy it.'
Edit. This is well written. Tho, not for the every-one.
Review. This covers so many specialist fields in the making and a general discussion in these fields can keep us busy for a long, long time. Would enjoy to sit and natter about all of this again.
You can never trust a beautiful, vain one, be it an alien, human or even insect, it seems.
Edit.
Comma placements: eg. *...an agile, sporty, attired wasp. *
There are a few more to look at. A reread may show them.
Capitals: at the start of sentences .... I am not sure if insects use them always?
Aphostrope: * "Pap's cave"// "........with money to throw around"
A good reread is recommended.
Review:
As a nature freak, (used to collect insects as a younger peep) I enjoyed the story, it did require attention to follow. The details are well interwoven and an interesting mix to the end.
Financial pressure is an unwanted bane in life, then we do what we can to survive. We plan, we scheme and maybe it works. I hope you get a good plan. I wanted suggest hi-jacking those city tourists, then what to do with them. Somehow, I think, they have little value.
Edit. Read the paragraph...'The Sunday morning we opened....' 'we were to open' ? Read again.
The use of a comma in front of 'and'. The rule says it is not a sin, then, there are qualifying rules for it.
I enjoyed the story, as I know the background well (having been there myself) and the lightness with which you treat the whole affair, it is better put up a brave face, is it not.
Before we forget, about poetry and the technical side thereof, my knowledge is limited.
The one thing that worries me profoundly, '''what if the Christian bible is correct?''' and the book of Revelations is fact? Then we are watching a play that has been written years ago, and it is not a comedy.
As a seeker with a reasonably open mind, I would dearly love to peruse upon these subjects with like-minded.
If it is not a 'fact', then there will be no happy ending. (Re: The bible as fact)
A pity really; as I truly like some people, even if they do not come from my tree.
Well written. History in the making, an interesting topic.
History tells us of the spirit of the adventurer, the yearning of the seeker and the greed of man.
Since forever, Man has always moved and in very few cases did he 'come in peace' (and in a few cases that are documented) the hosts turned upon their visitors.
From South Africa, (where history is being rewritten) unfortunately, there is no profit in peace and only 'war' will give the spoils.
That is the way of Man.
As for the lessons of sages, who-ever they are, it does look good on paper, does it not?
Nature has its own way, slow, sure and deadly.
Well written and there is much in these few words.
Regards,
RICH.
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