Wow, what a beautiful piece! It is awe-inspiring, so deeply spiritual. I loved this very much.
Besides the content, it is also extremely well-written. You grab the reader's attention right away with the little butterfly and hold it tightly as you move into your own comparison to the butterfly. An awesome job!
I have a few suggestions on punctutation for you:
"It sits quietly on the long, grey table, its unassuming brown" - you need a semicolon after "table" not a comma
"Out of misunderstood love and obedience I have accepted" - need a comma after "accepted"
"they cannot not see them yet" - delete "not"
"I will join you my friend and that will be a happy day." - need commas before and after "my friend" to separate direct address from rest of the sentence
I am giving this a five star rating, because, despite those few minor details, it is too perfect for it not to be other than a 5 star.
I really enjoyed this short story! You pulled me into it right from the start with your beginning, and keep my interest building all the way through. Great job!
Your characters are realistic and very interesting, the dialogue is believable, and the story moves along a perfect pace. You also balance description with dialogue very nicely.
I have no suggestions to offer on revising, but I did notice a few editing errors:
"Sometimes he would even sneak into to the little town" - delete the word "to"
“Humans can be so… so… human!” he thought" - thoughts need to be italicized, not put in quotation marks
"Which one was Lorn Wolnosci?" - italics
"Had that really been almost a year and a half ago?" - italics
"but had instead had pity on them." - but instead had pity on them
“Yes let’s,” - Yes, let's
Overall, this is very well-written. I recommend you expand on this; make a series of short stories!
This is another article I've been intending to read since it was first created. I was very interested and happy to hear about this program because it would allow me to have a portfolio that I could use professionally or educationally. There are many items in my other port that I'd never want my employers, professors, or family members to read.
While so far, I've been lucky enough not to receive any negative comments or "hate rates," I figured it'd be a good idea to read this and be prepared if and when I do.
You have some good tips for dealing with such comments; I'm very glad I finally read this.
An excerpt that is very well-stated and one everyone needs to be reminded of:
"When posting a work of writing publicly, one has to be willing to take the good with the bad."
This is very true. We all hope for the good, but it's the bad that thickens our skin and makes us better writers.
One error I found:
Paragraph 2: "most likely only trying to help." - you need a verb here: are most likely
Overall, another helpful and well-written article for the writing.com community.
I've been intending to read this article FOREVER; it's been sitting in my favorites waiting for me for quite a while.
Your guidelines have been very helpful; some of them I've kinda figured out on my own by seeing what other reviewers do in their own reviews. They must have read this article too!
A couple of pointers that are most beneficial for everyone to be aware of:
"Creating detailed feedback for a fellow writer is one of the best tools available for improving your own writing." - This is most definitely true! My own writing has improved leaps and bounds through reviewing the work of others.
"Even the greatest pieces of writing have room for suggestions and opinions." - Also, very true. There are only a handful of items I have come across that I could not find anything to suggest for improvement. I much appreciate receiving reviews that off serious constructive criticism; I get many that do not help much at all, but just say what they liked about it.
Some editing suggestions:
Under the heading "Your Own Review Format," 'consistant' should be consistent
Under "Make Reviewing a Daily Creative Writing Exercise," - "others' writing" should be either "other's writing" or "others' writings"
Overall, a very well-written, informative, helpful article for reviewers. Well done!
Wow, I enjoyed reading this tribute to your Grandfather very much. How terrific you got to spend so much time with him! My own Grandfather passed into the next world when I was only eight. How I would have loved so many more years with him!
A couple of excerpts I especially enjoyed:
"He always knew how much he had paid 10 years earlier for each of the pieces and parts." - I don't have many memories of my Grandfather, but I do remember he did this exact same thing!
"Without hesitation, he answered back that he had always shot up into the air and over their heads." - While I was reading through all your memories of your Grandfather, I was thinking what a wonderful, kind, funny man he must have been. When I read the above sentence, I fell in love with him. I am a devout pacifist, and this action was so extraordinarily courageous and beautiful. It touched my soul very deeply.
Now, I would be doing you a disservice if I didn't mention the typos I found, so here they are:
First paragraph: You have one instance in where "grandpa" isn't capitalized
Paragraph 9: "The switch board for the the" - doubled "the"
Paragraph 9: "atleast" - need a space
P9: "everyone of those wires" - every one is two words here
{e:balloon5) P11: "styrophone" - I think you mean styrofoam
{e:balloon1} P13: "and the like start to head upwards" - this phrase is confusing to me; I didn't understand what you meant
P13: "still infinitile internet" - infantile
P14: "It was the perfect challenge for him." - it doesn't need capitalization
P19: "next one liner" - one-liner
P20: "He spent twice the amount of time that I did on his feet," - this would be better worded as: He spent twice the amount of time on his feet than I did,
Overall, it's a beautifully expressed eulogy for your Grandfather. I'm rating it a five star even though there's a few minor editing errors, because I'm rather lazy, and it will save me from coming back later after you edit it to give it the five star that it most definitely deserves.
You are receiving this mini-port raid due to your extremely kind and generous donation to the EnduReviewing contest.
After seeing that title, how could I not read this item? I, of course, like free things as much as anyone else. However, I realize that Writing.com is a business, and does need money to exist. So I do not mind in the least supporting this site financially. What I receive from this site is a thousand times worth the dollars I give to it.
I much enjoyed your little "rant" over that particular complaint. My most favorite part:
"Sometimes, however, the planets correctly align, my moods meld together and I find just the right irritational essay to send me off on a rant."
I'm not sure that "irritational" is a real word, but what an exquisite string of words you have composed in that sentence! Mahvelous!
Another excerpt:
"We copy and back up your work to separate hard drives every few hours and to digital tapes weekly so we keep your thoughts and ideas safe - FREE!"
This is great! I did not know about this. I'm much impressed.
I chose this poem for your second review, and I'm glad I did. I like the content of the poem very much.
As I suggested in the other review, if you're going to use short, blunt sentences, I recommend you structure them as I illustrated before.
"Knowing to answer the phone before it rings, or to answer the door before someone knocks" - for this phrase, I suggest revising it into one word to fit with the others. Psychic would seem appropriate.
One other suggestion: Try to make this poem more visual. You could add one word adjectives and alternate them with your nouns such as:
Demons.
Fire.
Ghosts.
Fear.
Just my own opinion; remember I am most definitely NOT a poet. So take these suggestions with a grain of salt. Ultimately, it is YOUR poem, and only you can decide what's best for your poetry.
As requested, here is my review. My comments in color.
"Young. Willing. Driving the point home.
Children. Hope. Homework. Ringing bells. laughing children."
I like how you use single words here. I suggest you keep all one words; maybe use a synonym for the phrase "Driving the point home." Also I recommend structuring it differently, though. Maybe like this:
Overall, I liked this poem. It has much potential. Your use of single word sentences throughout strikes me as tremendously appropriate to the content of this poem. I have a teenage daughter, and she only answers me in one word most of the time. And that's usually "No"
I think you did an excellent job capturing the spirit of teenagers.
I loved this piece; it's very deep and emotional. You write about Bobby very eloquently. Great job.
I also liked how your structured this; with the quotes, the emails, and the personal reflections. You incorporated each of these into a cohesive whole. Very nicely done!
Some editing suggestions:
"Hemmingway" - only one "m" in his name
"to a accord" - delete "a"
"Private Contactor." - missing an 'r' in contractor
"As you read the latest death toll, the latest news of our victories. Think of Bobby, He's not a number." - you have a sentence fragment here; suggest revising it to: As you read the lastest death toll, the latest news of our victories, think of Bobby. He's not a number.
Overall, this is a wonderful statement of the devastation caused by war. I enjoyed it very much, and agree completely with your sentiments.
The best thing about this poem, in my opinion, is the way you play around with the form and structure. I liked the non-traditional manner of your poetry. It's very refreshing!
I also liked how you used repetition to emphasize certain words and phrases. It definitely made an impact upon me.
I could only find one error in your poem:
(I should have known-
that inconstant moon.)
Periods and other punctuation belong outside parentheses.
Gosh, I've felt this way about a few of my boyfriends!
Your poem so brilliantly captures the essence of being torn between what one feels in the heart and thinks with the brain. Good job!
I especially like the visual imagery you use here. I've never thought about comparing it to zombies, and I'm pretty sure I've never read it anywhere else! It was very fresh and original, at least to me.
My EnduReviewing partner, laart1, and I have chosen you next on our list of victims.
So get ready for a full mailbox!
About this poem: It is superb! Your word choices clearly evoke a feeling of loneliness, melancholy in the poem's narrator, which is then passed on to the reader. Very well done!
I especially liked how you structured the poem, with several one word lines. It intensifies the sad emotions.
I couldn't find anything wrong with grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. sooooo voila! A five star poem!
This is an outstanding story (anecdote?) It is very well-written. You captured my interest right away with your excellent description of the train station. I loved the similes and metaphors you used for the station!
Some editing suggestions:
"and without further hesitation I step inside." - and, without further hesitation, I step inside; you need to insert commas to separate non-required phrases in a sentence
"Instantly" - need comma after this
"asks me a question" - need comma after "question" to separate independent clauses
"pale dusky pink." - need comma to separate adjectives
"With a cry of delight" - need comma after "delight"
"my father's face" - need comma after "face"
"Of course" - need comma after "course"
Overall, this is a very good story. I enjoyed so much the emotional aspects of your "Coming Home." My favorite part was the little 'game' you and your father play. That is very touching!
I enjoyed reading this very much. I appreciate your sharing your story about your own personal demons and how you overcame them. You end with a very inspiring message which, hopefully, will serve as a warning to others to stay off that path.
Editing suggestions:
"I basically drove around an old, rickety Chevy Van" - I think you missed the word "in" here: "in an"
"technician, I was" - this is a comma splice; you need a semicolon after "technician"
In your third paragraph, you have an overly long sentence beginning with "My pay"; it's length is rather confusing to follow. I suggest breaking it up into two or more sentences.
"termite and rodent infested" - should be: termite- and rodent-infested
"illegal thing, I knew" - another comma splice; here I recommend you put a period after "thing" and begin new sentence
"guilt ridden" - needs hyphen
Overall, this is a well-written story. I liked very much your writing style, sometimes serious, sometimes ironic, but always personal. Great job!
Gosh, I loved this poem! (I've always been partial to free verse. )
But, it is a wonderful poem! Very well-written and containing beautiful sentiments. I especially like how you structure the poem, with some one or two word lines - it's effect is to intensify the action, to make it much more meaningful and beautiful.
Ah, very, very well done!
I only have one minor suggestion:
"That created two," - I recommend deleting this comma. Throughout the rest of the poem, you only use colons and periods, and it works very well without commas. So this one should also be left out.
Despite that one flaw, this poem is much worthy of a five star rating.
Another good poem! I liked how you compared the hurricane to Cyclops; very nice!
What I liked best:
"God's breath, given the name of mortal man." - What a wonderful line!
Suggestion:
You might wish to glance over your punctuation use here. Sometimes you use the wrong form, such as a comma when a semicolon is needed. And sometimes there is no punctuation when it is expected.
Thank you for bringing back this great contest! I'm going to get started working on a story right away.
I want to let you know I like very much how you also offer prizes for different genres. I haven't seen a contest that does that yet, usually only have first, second, and third place.
I'm gonna send you a donation, just because I want to be the first listed on your page.
Ah, this is an outstanding poem! It is obvious you have spent many hours working on this. The imagery is great, it flows quite nicely, and I enjoyed your poetic elements (such as alliteration).
Just a couple of suggestions:
"sixty two times" - numbers should be hypenated
"not too many days away," - this is the only punctuation in the poem; I suggest deleting it
Overall, you've done a remarkable job with this poem.
Wow, a very deep, emotional poem you have written here. You very skillfully project the poem's intense feelings onto the reader through your word choices. Great job!
Editing suggestions:
"And deep in the core of me pain" - my pain, I think
"To even get that doctor’s appointment I told them something was wrong" - seems to me that "I told them something was wrong" should be on a separate line
"I thank God for you
And for giving me the strength
To honor a little girl that was a gift
My only happiness in this situation comes
From knowing You will protect her now" - these lines were a little disconcerting; you begin by addressing either your mother or boyfriend or both, and then suddenly shift to talking to God; there needs to be some indication that you are about to change who you're speaking to
Overall, this is a very powerful poem, and well-written.
This is pretty good, but I suggest you work on your imagery some. I didn't get the visual images in my mind that I should have. I think it was due to your word choices; they weren't descriptive enough to bring forth visuals in my mind's eye.
Overall, I liked your theme, and it flows pretty well.
In most of your poems that I've reviewed so far, the irregularity of the lines do not interfere with the rhythm or flow of the poem. But in this one, they do. It does not have much of a 'poem' feel to it; it reads more like prose. I suggest working on making your lines more concise.
Editing suggestions:
"I begine to fall under his spell." - begin
"It’s too late for that, but I promise we’ll be fine." I said hoping it was true. - you should have a comma after the spoken words, not a period; you have more of these errors also
"made it’s way" - should be 'its'; it's is a contraction for it is
Overall, it's a good beginning. If and when you revise, I'll be happy to return and R&R again.
Thanks so much for sharing your memories of the convention with us! I am much enjoying reading members' accounts of it. Each one is very different in form, but all are wonderful!
What I liked best about yours: How you list all the attendees and say a few words about them.
A couple of typos:
"The I smiled back"
"the evil/ goo twin"
I plan to go next year, and hope to meet you there.
Mary
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"It sits quietly on the long, grey table, its unassuming brown" - you need a semicolon after "table" not a comma
"Out of misunderstood love and obedience I have accepted" - need a comma after "accepted" 
"they cannot not see them yet" - delete "not"
"I will join you my friend and that will be a happy day." - need commas before and after "my friend" to separate direct address from rest of the sentence
"but had instead had pity on them." - but instead had pity on them
"Creating detailed feedback for a fellow writer is one of the best tools available for improving your own writing." - This is most definitely true! My own writing has improved leaps and bounds through reviewing the work of others. 
"He always knew how much he had paid 10 years earlier for each of the pieces and parts." - I don't have many memories of my Grandfather, but I do remember he did this exact same thing! 