Hey Psyman,
Thank you for requesting a review from me on this interesting story. It is indeed interesting, but also a little confusing.
I love the premise behind this, Sci-Fi has always been a huge interest for me, I've read many authors extensively. Some of my favorites are pretty famous of course. Those being Arthur C. Clarke, Robert Heinlein, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Larry Niven, and Jules Verne. There are more, many more, but I couldn't come close to mentioning them all here.
You asked that I concentrate on verbiage, grammar, and formatting, so I will. Formatting is fine if you ask me, no worries there so far. Grammar/Verbiage could use a little work, I will provide specific comments below. Overall plot is excellent, I want to read more!
General Comments:
1. You start with the story in the present tense, and keep it there for the most part. However, this is very hard to do, and though you did well, I'd suggest keeping it in the past tense. It's easier to write that way, I think everyone writes better as if telling a story that has already occurred. Here's an example. Present tense in blue, past tense in red. The hand in view twitches and moves, then flexes and forms a fist. It felt weird to move this appendage that seamed familiar but altogether new. The perspective of view changed as neck muscles rotated the head along an axis. A second hand came into view that also moved and flexed.
2. Not only is the story told in the present, but it's told from a first person point of view. This makes it even harder to get everything set right, and so easy to make minor mistakes. If you can, I'd switch this to a third person POV so you can better describe your character and their surroundings.
3. The story starts very abruptly. There's no introduction at all, nothing to really clue the reader in on what to expect, or what has gone on. This might cause you to lose some readers who look for instant knowledge of what's going on. You could start by describing where the main character is, their surroundings. etc. Describe how they wake, their disorientation, movements, etc.
4. Some of your sentences are a bit 'run on'./ What I mean is, they could be broken into several separate sentences that can stand on their own. (This is a habit I'm guilty of all the time). Here's an example of two sentences in the second paragraph. A huge swath of expanse was before and all around, reddish but with grey streaks swirled in; a slowly converging kaleidoscope of movement, it was mesmerizing. Somehow that didn’t seem right for the “sky” was that the word for it. That seemed like the right word for it. If I may, here's a suggestion that may work for you. A huge swath of expanse was before and all around, reddish but with grey streaks swirled in it. The slowly converging kaleidoscope of movement was mesmerizing, almost hypnotizing. Somehow that didn’t seem right for the.... 'sky'. That's the word for it. At least it seemed like it fit.
4. Rocking back and forth in the seat allowed for the legs to move a bit in place and feeling returned to them with prickling sensation which was not comfortable at all felt for the first time. This is one of the few places I'd say really needs help with wording. Another suggestion, told from a third person POV. He rocked back and forth in the seat, managing to move them a bit, This brought a little life back to them, accompanied by a not too comfortable prickling sensation as the blood flow returned.
5. In places where Angela actually speaks from the video box, be sure you use quotation marks. They are missing right now.
6. This part here really lost me. Angela’s words were lost because there was movement on a distant rise. What in the world was that! There was rolling grey rock hills flecked with darker black marbling surrounding the area. The lighter side of the sky was beyond where the movement had been. Whatever had moved had been silhouetted slightly so it stood out against the sky otherwise it would have been nearly impossible to notice in the waning light. That last sentence is wordy, and very hard to get through.
7. Look carefully at your wording in Angela's long speech. The first sentence is very poorly worded. The anomalies appear to send matter to another world in a set pattern and by placing objects in front of the pattern you can pick what matter goes to the other location. The part in red needs to be a second sentence, with a little more explanation so it's both a complete sentence, and describes the anomalies better.
8. This sentence makes no sense, and I'll tell you why. We have tested this from both sides. It seems like your main character is the first one to go through one of these anomalies, so how did they test it from both sides? This poorly worded sentence later on her long speech tells us that. There is only so much that can be learning of the other side from the limited time the portals are open and we have been unsuccessful so far in creating a robot that is capable of finding a second portal and using that to return. In that sentence, learning should be learned. I'd also break it up into separate sentences, shown here. There is only so much that can be learned of the other side from the limited time the portals are open. We have been unsuccessful in creating a robot that is capable of finding a second portal. That second portal would be used to return.
9. I don't see how your last paragraph connects or pertains to the rest of this story. It's also not clear who Angela really is. Is Angela your main character? I think so, then again, at times I think not.
As I said, I loved the premise behind this. Your story is solid, grammar needs a little TLC is all. Thank you for asking me to review this! I enjoyed the read...
Sum1
 WDC POWER RAIDER
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He spoke well, but didn't seem to have any idea of what he should or shouldn't do, even if he'd been told several times. Perhaps there was another handicap there, one besides the lisp? I know it would have been hard to bring up, since this was dialog only, but it did leave me wondering. Overall, an enjoyable story, thank you for sharing!