Characters: Narrator is obviously very upset, angered, etc. and the emotional element is conveyed well.
Spelling and Grammar: This is what caused the most loss in points to be rated. A lot of run on's, no periods or commas, no apostrophes, etc. Basically no consideration was issued for punctuation, grammar, spelling. Considering the subject and tone, this piece was mostly likely written in a state of increased frenzy and emotion, but it's always a good idea to revise and edit to the best of you ability before posting.
Good Points: Strong conviction and tone, with the emotional aspect well portrayed.
Suggestions: Rework the grammar, spelling and punctuation right off. Watch for repetition.
Overall: Good piece with potential. Easily relate-able.
First Response: I like it, good solid tone and presentation.
Characters: Narration is strong and forthright.
Spelling and Grammar: "This is where my thoughts unite from the unconcious, through quick fingertips" should have a period at the end.
"unconcious" should be "unconscious".
"depths of anothers psyche. " should be "depths of anothers' psyche."
Good Points:
"People write poetry in hopes to be understood-
for tightly wrapped metaphors to unveil secrets inside-
but we can’t see into dreamy depths of anothers psyche,
because all that we see are reflections of ourselves." Well written, emotionally compelling, and solidly structured! I love this paragraph.
Suggestions: Punctuate after every line! Watch little spelling errors..
Overall: Really, really liked this piece. It resonated with me rather deeply. Glad I got to read it, thank you!
First Response: I like it, good solid tone and presentation.
Characters: Narration is strong and forthright.
Spelling and Grammar: "This is where my thoughts unite from the unconcious, through quick fingertips" should have a period at the end.
"unconcious" should be "unconscious".
"depths of anothers psyche. " should be "depths of anothers' psyche."
Good Points:
"People write poetry in hopes to be understood-
for tightly wrapped metaphors to unveil secrets inside-
but we can’t see into dreamy depths of anothers psyche,
because all that we see are reflections of ourselves." Well written, emotionally compelling, and solidly structured! I love this paragraph.
Suggestions: Punctuate after every line! Watch little spelling errors..
First Response: Great, well written, detailed, psychologically probing.
Characters: Well identifiable and emotionally represented.
Spelling and Grammar: A few grammatical and structural errors.
"The abused became the abuser. A statistic. " should be "The abused became the abuser, a statistic."
Good Points: Inspires a strong remotional action and obviously created with a strong conviction.
Suggestions: Lengthen it, and deepen the emotions and descriptions to help the imagery.
Overall: Heart wrenching emotional piece, one of the highest ratings I've given due to the sincerity and articulate depiction of the emotional turmoil. Quite well written.
First Response: Strong convictions and a deep divulgence into philsophical inquires which is admirable and worthy.
Characters: The inclusion of so much of the writings of Plato diverts from your writing and interrupts the flow and integrity of your piece of over borrowing from another. Inferences can be used but must be small and only include the most elite and necessary.
Spelling and Grammar: Punctuation needs to be mended, including periods and commas. "till the end " should be "Until the end". Plato and Socrates' names need to be capitalized. Some sentence structure can be severely benefited from remodeling.
Good Points: Strong conviction and articulation making the message and theme resonate and apparent.
Suggestions:"those who are easily satisfied, accept any statement as the true statement about an object, person, situation or hypothesis." could be better stated, "those who are easily satisfied; accept any statement as the true statement about an object, person..."
Overall: Intellectual and full of purpose, but could be presented and modified more beneficially.
First Response: Sad, fearful of still retaining hope for the possibility of being hurt that accompanies it.
Characters: N/A
Spelling and Grammar: Good except periods.
Good Points: Articulated message and tone
Suggestions: The tone of the poem seems to be intented to be hopeless and crushed. But the ending counteracts that by saying "by my worthlessness, my stupidity, my hope has yet to unwind". This contradicts the entire tone, and the worthlessness and stupidity would seem to cause the absence of hope, or for it to unwind. It'd be more accurate to say "by the worthlessness, my stupidity, my hope is about to unwind", or "Despite my worthlessness, my stupidity, my hope has yet to unwind", to keep it from being paradoxal in nature.
Overall: Solid intention and foundation, would like to hear longer pieces or other work from the writer!
First Response: I liked it! The purpose and motivation was clear, the emotions well articulated, and the rhyming scheme seemed mostly natural.
Characters: The love, or previous state of love between the narrator is evident. Try detailing each more, be descriptive. Include feelings as well as imagery.
Spelling and Grammar: Use punctuation, both comas and periods to break up the sentence and keep the flow consistent to how you intended it to be.
Good Points: Rhyme, structure, and emotional depth.
Suggestions: Besides the grammar and punctuation, the third paragraph is "off". "
That in you, there is in sight
And evermore happiness we'll bring" needs work whether punctuation or arrangement. Such as:
"That within you, there lies in sight,
The evermore happiness we'll bring" OR
"That within you lies within sight
The evermore happiness we'll bring"
Overall: Good message/theme, with a good structure and basis. Reworking the details and the piece could be a lot better with very little effort other than minor "tweaks".
First Response: Passionate, intentional, and scorned were the inital reactions brought from this writing.
Characters: Vague, which suits the intended representation of the piece. Obviously very emotionally derived, and an underlying tone of hurt is clear and comes off excellent.
Spelling and Grammar: Maybe a few restructures. For instance, istead of "birth for you doesn't really count. It's because you don't exist", it'd be more appropriate to read "birth for you doesn't really count; it's because you don't exist."
And "...laughable concepts. None in which..." should be "...laughable concepts, none in which..."
Good Points: Well written, memorable,and strong conviction
Suggestions: Detail, lengthen.
Overall: Good foundation. Articulate, and well conveyed.
First Response: Strong, emotional, even gut-wrenching writing! However, while the writing is legitimate, it's purpose is just to show it's worth. Their is no meaning behind the piece, is does not offer understanding or details, and although beatifully written, without a reason or purpose it's superficial.
Characters: The narrator is detailed and intelligent, but that is all that can be deferred from the writing.
Spelling and Grammar: Well written, well structured with good vocabulary. However, some of the sentences need to be rearranged or rephrased as they come off as made overly complex and it degrades the emotional response.Like the last sentence, "for this, those who have waited for the nothing will pay, and along with this will disintegrate."
Perhaps change just the punctuation: " For this; those who have waited for nothing (remove the article the)will pay. Along with this, they will disintergrate.
Good Points: Strong voice, personalities, and thoughts.
Suggestions: Just work on the purpose of the piece, the details of the scene including the character and background.
Overall: Good writing, would love to read your other work!
First Response: Rough around the edges but with serious potential. Very well written in a subtle manner that is easy to like and accept.
Characters: The point of view narration is very relatable. Vague, but seems appropriate and organic.
Good Points:Emotional, the rhyme scheme is good. Some of the lines are rather exceptional, my favorite being the last "thhree little words that equal me and you" -powerful. The use of alliterations, such as "raging and racing" is well placed and reads nicely.
Suggestions:However, the sentence structure should be "you and I", not "me and you".
The line about, "hints you don't take, but hint here I do", needs to be punctuated or reworded differently.
Such as "Hints you don't take; but hint here, I do."
Punctuate the end of sentences to differentiate lines that end or continue into the next stanza. Such as..
"Only thoughts to think,
Racing and raging with no clear way.
Thinking of you, every moment, of every day."
Depending on punctuation, the flow can be however you see fit with them pausing appropriately and ending thoughts as you intended without having to guess.
Overall: Really good with a lot of potential and a strong underlying emotional effect. With just the punctuation and the few gramatical errors, could easily become a 4.0-5.0! Keep writing.
Strong convictions that appeal to me emotionally. However, the points are under developed and require more reasoning behind. The language is ordinary, somewhat typical in vocabulary and arrangement. The sentences tend to run on, and could benefit from properly placed punctuation. Some of the spacing is off. Go more in depth, lengthen it.
Good imagery and descriptive language. The tone and atmosphere is well established. The grammar and spelling seem accurate.
However, only the emotional aspect is represented. And nothing of a specific event or the reason for the sadness is ever explained any more than "your hear died with her". Focus on the facts and occurences more to paint a better picture.
Really like it. Great piece, flows well, and the rhyming scheme worksw great. The words seem organic and natural, the ending was especially enjoyed. Great job :] It's descriptive and the tone is an interesting mix of dark yet playful. Review of "Bite me"
Really good piece! The emotional as well as the factual was equally and fairly represented.
The rhyme scheme is consistent and the word choices were good.
However the flow was a little disconcerted. Perhaps try making the syllabels in each line match or have some pattern. Also, rework the third line of the first paragraph. It reads as obvious it's use was only to match the rhyme, and the structure of the sentence makes it seem inorganic.
Overal very good writing, and The last two lines particularly. The grammar and spelling, punctuation, etc. all seemed perfect.
Rather well written, the flow is consistent and seems natural.
Very descriptive, full of adjectives that helps paint good imagery.
Perhaps put more emphasis on the emotional reaction caused by the arrival of spring, it's insinuated it's enjoyed but never really goes in depth or even touches on the individual's response, which adds more of a way for people to empathsize with the piece, making it stand out in their mind.
Very good, and I'm just getting into poetry as a fair disclaimer.
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