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54 Public Reviews Given
55 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of In the Beginning  
Review by Joan
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this was a well written piece. I like how at the end we're not sure (or at least I wasn't) if the girl was mentally ill or actually an angel. I tend to think the former which makes the ending tragic, yet almost inevitable.

I will admit to some curiosity about what she said/did to the offending neighbor to punish him for his transgressions.

All in all, a good read. Thank you!
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Review by Joan
Rated: E | (2.5)
I am hoping that if you are willing to post this piece, you are also willing to listen to why I think you make a number of assumptions and connections that are possibly erroneous.

For example, "Religion teaches people the lessons they will need in their life, and the Americans are making a massive mistake by deserting their religion and losing the opportunity to develop their character."
"Because religion teaches people life lessons, Americans should not desert their religion but embrace it. Thus, by abandoning religion, many Americans are creating a void in their character."

I don't agree with the above assumptions you make. The people that raise a child teach that child by behaving, demonstrating and expecting respect, morals, tolerance, patience and love. Religion is a human construct that may or may not start off with good intentions, but is too often warped by the humans who try to use it for ther own personal reasons. There are many positive messages that many of the world's religions espouse, however we all know how easily those messages can be corrupted. So many people have died throughout history or have suffered tremendously as a result.

Religion and those who follow one does not necessarily equate with morality as has been shown time and time again. In other words, being religious in and of itself does not make one a moral person.
Also, spirituality without organized religion is just as powerful, if not more so, for the people who choose their own path, rather than following the teachings, not of God (whoever/whatever that may be) but of mostly male, very imperfect, not always moral humans.

People do not need a God to be moral. They simply need to be taught and shown by example what is right.

Please realize that I understand and respect the comfort and guidance that so many people get from their religion. If people find strength and peace by practicing a certain religion, that is a good thing. If a particular religion teaches those who practice it to spread peace, love, tolerance, to help those who can't help themselves and to never judge, that is a great thing.

However, religion isn't necessary for any of that.
It is simply one road, which in itself can lead to many paths, not all of them good.
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Review of The Inner Me  
Review by Joan
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Wow. I thought it was very well written and I truly appreciate some insight into what it is like to have to deal with this.

The thing that impacted me the most I think was the effect words can, unwittingly by the speaker, have on you for such a long period of time.

We all have our own stuff to go through and I think it benefits all of us greatly when we realize that no matter how bad you think you have it, there's always someone who has it worse.

You have obviously proven many people wrong who had such low expectations of you. Shame on them and kudos to you.
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Review of Maybel Bledsoe  
Review by Joan
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Okay, this is pretty funny because I am a 51 year old woman. After reading your profile, you are obviously not. Yet, I thought you actually captured her quite well. I say, kudos to you for writing about something you couldn't possibly personally know, yet successfully evoking such wistfulness and sadness so believably for somebody Maybel's age.

I knew what was going to happen, yet kept hoping it wasn't so- her feeling of being made a fool of, at the possible expense of her job.

Poor Maybel.

Thank you for the read.
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Review of The Existence  
Review by Joan
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I loved it. It was haunting, scary yet beautiful.

I liked the contrast between her beliefs and her mother's and the end result of not truly believing.

Well done, thank you for the read.
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Review of Swollen heart  
Review by Joan
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm not usually a reader of poetry although I will admit to being moved profoundly occasionally by the magical use of words.

I loved yours. The words and the emotions they carried with them conveyed themselves directly to me without having to think too much about it and that is the sort of poetry I find the most magical.

This in particular stood out to me: "exposed thoughts stare at me with hatred."

What a clear, concise way of expressing what we all feel occasionally.

Thank you for the read!
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Review of In Dreams  
Review by Joan
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I liked it.

I have to say, although I had speculated that he was a ghost early on, I didn't expect it to end like it did. Her words "I hate you", took my by surprise. Up to that point, Matt had expressed only love. He did not give a hint of any discord. So when she uttered those words, it almost took my breath away.
I like unexpected things so it worked really well for me.

Well done and thanks for the read!
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Review by Joan
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really liked it. You took us inside this boy's head and captured this child's world view so accurately. I can honestly say that I am not sure I have ever read a more spot on portrayal of a child's perspective on things.

You evoke childhood emotions which are normally significantly faded by adulthood and usually difficult to capture correctly, because of our "adultness".

Thanks for the read!
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Review by Joan
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found it beautiful, haunting, evocative.

There are many children and even adults who are like your shadow less boy.

There were a few issues with minor tense, spelling, grammatical things, if you care about such stuff. I am a fairly sloppy, often raw writer myself so I am not one to judge.

Thanks for the read!
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Review of The Afghan Girl  
Review by Joan
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Its amazing how the smallest, most unexpected moments can have life changing results.

If this is your personal experience, even if it isn't, I can't imagine that kind of loss. No one can unless they've experienced it.

I remember that girl on the cover and I remember watching a National Geographic show documenting the attempt to follow up, trying to find her. If I remember correctly, it wasn't that easy.

And yes, those eyes stood out, reached out and grabbed the observer and spoke volumes.

Thank you for the read.
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Review by Joan
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I thought it was great- you drew me in and I am definitely interested in knowing what comes next.

There are a couple of minor spelling errors. Nothing big and its not as if it took away from the story, the characters and the atmosphere you have created.

My own writing is hideously sloppy so I certainly won't judge.

I'm looking forward to reading more.

Thanks!
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Review of Clowning Around  
Review by Joan
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, that is so sad. You do such a good job of putting us inside this poor individual's head. I feel his pain, its almost claustrophobic- being stuck inside a body which determines your fate, like it or not.

It would have been nice to see some glimmer of hope for this poor dude.... I feel so bad for him.
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Review by Joan
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Are you seriously only 15??? Transpose those numbers and you have my age. And I would say you are a much better writer than I am. Very humbling yet cool at the same time.

Great storytelling- you drew me in from the beginning and kept me there.
And I want more.

The only thing I am confused about is why the prologue wasn't the first chapter. I am absolutely no expert but my impression is that prologues take place at a different place and/or time. You can do with my possible knowledge or ignorance as you wish :)

So.....do you have more?
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Review by Joan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I liked it. Its not quite like anything I've ever read before. It also brings up an interesting idea, this idea of a gene which leaves one predisposed towards being religious.

One minor thing I noticed and since I am no expert please take my advice for what its worth, which at this point isn't a whole heck of a lot.
"She had not even in the heat of her passion for those commitments, displayed the depth of certainty that she now possessed for the Seventh Avenue Gospel Mission Church."
I had to reread that sentence several times because the first part confused me. I would put a comma after "she had not...." so that it would read "She had not, even in the heat of her passion for those commitments, displayed the depth of certainty that she now possessed....."
Just a suggestion.

Thanks for the read!
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Review of The Silence  
Review by Joan
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love your way with words. I'm not sure what exactly happened between the characters, and I usually go more for the stories that have more of a story and/or character development but I was impressed with how you conveyed Rose's thoughts, doubts and finally her decision.

Beautifully written. Thanks for the read!
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Review by Joan
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I think Alanon would do you wonders. We are never, NEVER responsible for the bad decisions of others, only how we react to them.

This is not to say that I have always reacted in an ideal manner to horrid (or even not so horrid) events that have happened in my own life (feel free to read my summary of the last year of my life to get an idea of what I am talking about) but as one person to another who has been battered about (literally and figuratively) by addicts in our lives, we have to take comfort in knowing that we have no responsibility for the choices these people make. Our responsibility lies in how we deal with it.

So sorry, I'm afraid I have come across as preachy - who the heck am I to preach to you??

If what you have written about your childhood is true, you have shown a remarkable tenacity of spirit and I appreciate your passing that along through your writing. What a gift when writing can not only help oneself by getting it down on paper, but one can help others as well, by sharing experiences and insight.

Thank you for the read(s).
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Review by Joan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lol, you're right- we've all done it.

I still do it, even to my teenagers, if I feel that its a relatively harmless, hassle-free way to impose rules that I think are important:

Text sent yesterday from my 17 year old who was in school:
"Mom, can you come pick me up? I'm bored stiff and anxious and can't take it anymore. Everybody here sucks. We're literally not doing anything."

My text back:
"Elise, I am nowhere close to town and I won't be until right before you get home from school. Sorry for your distress." This was sent from home :)

Hey, you do what you have to do and lets face it, my kids I'm sure have lied to me many more times than I have to them.

Great read. Thanks.
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Review of Rapture  
Review by Joan
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I thought it was great. It was gripping, almost claustrophobic in the sense of pending doom. I liked how there was a sense of hope in Charlie, that maybe there was a sliver of a possibility that this group of people could find their way out of this.

I could see interesting possibilites with developing some great characters and subplots among the 60 people who are, as far as we know, the last people on earth.

Thanks for the great read.
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Review of saved by Midas  
Review by Joan
Rated: E | (3.0)
I liked it but you you may want to do a spellcheck and proofread a bit.

Please keep in mind that I began my essay acknowledging how horrible my writing is so I'm just saying that to you in case you weren't aware and want to polish it up a bit.

Thank you for the read. Keep it up!
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Review of The picture  
Review by Joan
Rated: E | (4.5)
I have just survived an awful year where I was reminded many times of the benefit of finding beauty, joy, serenity, hope in the small, often totally unexpected places.

I think your patients are lucky to have you- I know your job is one that many couldn't or wouldn't do.

Thank you for the read.
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Review of The Sound  
Review by Joan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I liked it. Very readable, drew me in and kept me in. I am also personally attracted to stories that use humor as an element, especially when bad things are happening.

One thing I'm not sure about is your use of a comma before every closing quote. I thought that maybe the use of comma was for when the sentence wasn't finished but in all honesty, I am very definitely NOT an expert, am generally a very sloppy writer myself and its not particularly important as far as I'm concerned, one way or another.

Thanks for the read.
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