Pretty good. I'd suggest giving descriptions of the T20 and Zentorno. Please, realize who your audience is: I don't know anything about playing online or Black Ops 4; I'm Old School (Super Mario 3 on NES). Also, you say you're playing Black Ops 3, but you say you put GTA V in the slot; which one are you playing? Also, do you have a PS4 or PS3. Watch spelling and grammar. All in all, I really enjoyed your story.
Excellent poem. Judging by that last stanza, it seems like you don't see snow very often. I'm from South Alabama, and it never snows here. Beautiful illustrations and well detailed. Keep up the good work!
Your caption is a bit misleading. In which part of the story is it revealed that Elisa has the power to see into the future? I know it talks about her dreams, but how does that reference the future, she sees Mira everyday doesn't she? I'm guilty of this too, but watch your participles. Your first sentence referred to the present and the past. The second sentence was a huge run-on sentence. Usually, I don't have a problem, but when it's that blatant, you can't help but notice. The sentence before 'I hate Mira' definitely needs some attention; it took me a few minutes to understand what 'my run' meant. All in all, a pretty good story. Focus on the plot! Make me believe she has psychic powers, and give me supporting evidence!
I loved this biography, although it had serious grammar and spelling errors throughout. If you see Renae, please thank her for service! It's heartwarming to read a beautiful story about service members. There's too many poems, novels, stories and movies about the ugly side of war (American Sniper for example). Keep writing!
Beautiful, but very difficult to follow. For starters, if you want people to read this PLEASE!!! mention how many children and grandchildren you have and the names of all of them. Giving descriptions about them would be nice, also. It seems like you're just spatting off names. I don't know your family, but they seem like lovely folks. I'm glad you had a wonderful weekend. I don't know much about you, but I'm sure you're probably a hard worker like my mom, and all mothers deserve our deepest love and admiration for taking care of their children (some while working two or three full time jobs).
This is so true! I'm not Indian, but I can still relate. If you're like me, you have so many things that interest you that it's hard to choose one profession. It seems like burnout can be a real issue, but what's more important is enjoying the people you work for and with.
Good story! Very relatable. I've struggled with my weight for years. I knew I was going to have high blood pressure sooner or later; now I'm 27 and have been on medicine for five years. Not a big fan of poetry, but really enjoyed your work!
Wonderful story. I had a dog that I loved very much. He would follow me everywhere, as Riley did with his owner. It's difficult having to bear with the loss of a pet; I can't even imagine seeing your pet be put to sleep. Keep up the good work!
This is what I've been saying about school all along. I went to college; couldn't find a job due to the poor economy, so I'm currently working with high school dropouts making slightly over minimum wage. Thinking about applying for truck-driving school, which I probably should have done all along. I could have saved $50,000. All in all, a truly good expose, Well done!
Too deep for my taste, but I imagine others may enjoy it. I'm not a big fan of poetry; I prefer prose. What's the purpose of this poem? Are you longing to let your hidden feelings and desires come true? Do you feel as if these desires are only whispers now?
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/johnkoehler
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 12:19am on May 02, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
