This reminded me so much of my wife. This was an enjoyable experience to read. While reading this I was actually remembering the things my wife and I did. Now on to the constructive criticism. In the beginning when you ask those four questions: I feel that it is creating a sense of suspense that leads the reader to assume that there is bad news coming. Until the third to last line I was reading this expecting a plane crash moment where you tell the person and reader that it's over. Also regarding the fourth set as a whole the first line is a completely different verb tense than the rest of the set. I would say to either change the whole tense of the paragraph, just that line or put that line at the end of the third set. Take this review with a grain of salt I am no good at writing poetry nor have I ever claimed to be.
This is an interesting book so far. I'm not sure if this is a finished product, but it is pretty close to a published novel as is. I only noticed a few errors, but they were mostly writing style differences between you and myself. The only problems I had with this story was that some of the characters had pretty outlandish names, but others sounded perfectly normal (i.e. Cody, Max, and Becky vs Nerag, Elyk, and Neotasha) It seems kind of strange to me. Then again I prefer to be able to pronounce the character's names.
I'm not usually one for poetic verses, but I liked reading this. It gave me a warm feeling inside that not many things can. I would like to see it expanded or possibly made into a series of poems based on quotes by famous people. "The fire of hope may flicker,
but the flame will never die," these two lines struck a cord with me.
If I may be so bold as to say that this does seem like it was written in the style of a thirteen year old trying to be more grown up way. That being said the story has a lot of potential for greatness. I believe if you correct the grammar, rework some parts and extend the story out in parts that seemed a little rushed then this could be a really great story line.
P.S. the part about there being grenades/rocket launchers was a little over the top.
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