I like your poem. Simple and to the point! The bible is truly full of great advice for a peaceful life. I like 1 cor 12:4 ... Gives a great definition of what true love is.
Interesting concept, making profits off social media. What I don't like about the media ... They exploit an incedent, acting as though the news tidbit only happens local, when in reality, the news tidbit happens every day and everywhere. I still don't know who won the election, I quit watching the news.
Whoa! Unsuspecting twist to a story. Maybe a little work on the chaos that broke out needs to be added. Suck the reader into the surprise ending. What was Marcus'es reason for going postal?
I believe you mean Rufferd Murdock. I think he stepped down from Fox, sold it or something... He says he is Catholic, so I don't know what his views are on people who disagree with him. Maybe he considers himself some kind of god, eh?
You have successully accomplished conveying a 17th century setting, where it seems the narrator may be a witch, too. The piece is well written, very easy to comprehend, with proper word combinations. Easy reading. What does the "WC 732" at the end of your piece mean?
What does an over throw of the government have to do with the piece you wrote? I can not picture a man in black riding a Harley, although, maybe if he wore a black leather jacket, I could. I don't understand what your story has to do with an overthrow of the government, as stated in the story description. Your story is full of drama, not bad. Liked the peaceful setting you set with the three racoons by a trash can, then the silence of night is broken with the crash of a window.
I don't know what form or type of poetry you piece is, but it has rhythm. I like it, although it sounds wicked. The last statement is good. Thats what they all say, "The devil made me do it" ... Which is half true.
I noticed in your last stanza you used the correct form of English with the word, "Pudding" instead of "puddin'", accidental?
"connection, yes, that why" - add a "s" to "that" ... Found a couple minor errors in spelling, nothing bad. Love the first paragraph. Nice descriptive coldness of the scene.
I wrote a horror story called "Cranium", you're more than welcome to read it if you want.
In this story, you make Hans seem like a schizophrenic, having talk to someone who isn't there, but in Han's mind, there really is someone there. I found a couple misspelled words in your piece. The story is ok.
Interesting piece! Well written, as well. It does go to show the more energy conscious a person is, the more they can save. By using power bars, I can save on electric bills? The term power bars, is a power bar something that has multiple outlets on it? Oh, in your piece, it states gas is at $3.50 a gallon (first paragraph), out here gas is at around $4.50 a gallon.
I know what you're writting about, I can relate, except it wasn't four in the morning. I wanted to take a short cut, so I took the bike trail. There are no lights on the bike trail, total darkness. I used distant lights for direction. A shadow of a man walked by me, I am very lucky he didn't attack me! It doesn't pay to worry, sometimes. Worry if you lose the ability to worry, if that is even possible. :)
Creative story. Smart ground hog. When I began reading your story, I did not realize you, the author, would have the ground hog talk. I like his last statement in the last paragraph. "He isn't going to destroy the planet, just the bad people...." the ones who were supposed to be the planet's caretakers. This story started with an idea, and the idea became exploited into a cute story.
What a sad story. Poor Andrew. I know someone who has battled cancer. It is pure war. Here, in your story, some woman seems to be trying to capture Andrew's attention and he doesn't seem to care, that is the reality of cancer, the sense of reality in your piece. The last paragraph in your story forces Andrew to accept others, probably cheered him up, allowing him to express himself to others, too. Cancer is a sickening topic, thankfuly, cancer patients, like Andrew don't have to go it alone. I liked the story's ending, with the valentine card.
Your first paragraph is an attention getter. Good. In order to capture the reader's attention, it is good to have a few great paragraphs in the begining, so the reader will continue reading the story. Your story goes on describing some kind of action scene, which you describe very well. Not too much on the gorey side. When I read your piece, It is well written, easy to comprehend, and I don't get lost like I do on some of the material I've read on this web site.
Whoa! Your story IS explicit. I take it Mike is divorced? Poor Gary, I feel sorry for the guy! Like the way you gave notes and time frames in bold in the piece's center in bold. I don't quite understand the first line. Was Mike talking to his ex-wife? I like the center bold face notes because it isn't pure diologue, an added accent to your story.
An angel taking on the form of a beautiful bird. "At a golden gate", I don't get. My intrepetation is death. In the author's description, the statement "a magic place sounds like a miracle" Is the poem descibing death in the second stanza, or a dream? Death really isn't a pleasant topic, unless the author of this poem is describing heavan as a magical place where miracles happen. The last stanza leaves me concerned. If this is a true poem, non-fiction, I wish you the best.
Second verse, "foot prints of memories" ... Joined with the first verse, the author gives the impression of walking on a beach and maybe looking behind him/her and seeing the footprints in the sand where he/she had ben walking momments before. I have trouble with the third verse. In the third verse, what is "sea glass"? I have never heard of the term. Dig the color indigo, though. Did you know indigo is one of the last colors of a rainbow? Tittle seems alright. You may want to change the poem's description (just a suggestion)
Understandable message of your poem. Living for day. Day by day. What did you mean by "Gone is the lifeline"......? As if the day has a heartbeat? Great poem. Perhaps a little tweaking on the last verse.
I disagree with your final verse, because some of those adjectives you used can spawn negativity when used repititiously, or in conjunction with some of the other adjectives on your list. I'd grant a higher rating, but, in my opinion, this is weak poetry. What makes the piece unique are the strong adjectives of emotion and the way you bold faced every other adjective on your list, artisic.
Just don't go to the roof with them, your head could explode (Just kidding). Pressing your own buttons is better than having someone else pushing your buttons. Evolve and are real would be better than revolve like a wheel. What do you mean, what kind of wheel?
Your hint is more than a hint, in my opinion. The three stanzas alone suggest a plot, only, I'm left wondering on what authority does the second person represent, a reassuring citizen or a key stone cop. Rather ironic plot, obvious the son has gone somewhere and the idiot second person doesn't seem to realize the concerns of the mother. Not bad for twenty five words.
How many poor people in the world would have loved to eat that banana you described. What a waste of food, worse that Galliger. Mushed by a car, creative. Mushed bananas in the road after about a week don't look anything like they did in the begining. Like roadkill, very creative.
Why were the birds suddenly afraid? Was there thunder and lightning? Perhaps a cat spooked them? Or, palm trees are pretty tall. Did the birds suddenly come down with a fear of heights? What kind of birds? Chickens can't fly? Or did they used to, as you describe? I can picture a chicken in a palm tree, kind of funny.
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