Hi! I really enjoyed your story. I try to make a point of reviewing one or two a day, and to be perfectly honest, it isn't every day that a story pulls me in, so to speak.
Now, I don't claim to know very much at all about steampunk, but I get and appreciate the broad strokes of the genre. Having said that, I do not read the genre, and am unfamiliar with Ashlands. Is that the title of this WIP, or is your story a work of fan-fiction, utilizing characters and/or places from a well-known series?
Either way your work is very imaginative. Without at all over-describing the prison you described it well enough that I can see it, can recall it even now, in my mind'd eye. The fact that the prison is so unique a structure (and the fact, of course, that it is a prison) makes it a great setting. At the end of your story the Deacon is released- but just out of curiosity, have you considered looking back at the prison as a possible setting for future short stories? I think I would...
Your work is one in progress; are you thinking short story, series of stories, or novel? In my humble opinion, it reads very much like an introduction to a good sized short story or novel.
While the piece is fun and engaging, there are a few rough spots in the narrative flow- not many, but a few. Someone once told me- always ask yourself, am I using as few words as possible in order to say what I want to say? For example, the sentence:
He said his farewell to the guards and staff, Warden and officers, assuring all that he harbored no ill will against them
you could cut the "against them." That is implied, as the only other people mentioned in the paragraph thus far are "them" (the warden, and the rest)- and the Deacon himself, who is the one doing the harboring (or, as the case would be, the lack thereof!)
He said his farewell to the Warden and the prison staff, assured all that he harbored no ill will.
That's one suggestion.
Please take my criticism, such as it is, as constructive. I am a writer who is only now trying to get published. I'm still working on my craft too, and am always looking for helpful suggestions and critiques. In fact, if you are at all a fan of horror stories I'd love it if you'd give me your opinion on one or two. You are obviously serious about your writing, and I need people like that to critique me :) If not, no problem at all.
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