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152 Public Reviews Given
162 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
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Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there. I enjoyed your story very much! You have a great writing style, very concise. The first line is fantastic. The dialog reads very naturally, and your descriptions of the action are so engaging--you paint some great mental pictures.
If I were to suggest a change, I might be a little more clear about the status of the two character's relationship. It's obvious that he loves her, and that she at least feels some affection for him. By their casual, intimate interaction, it seems they might live together. If they do live together though, and she's his "plus-one" (I like that description, by the way) then wouldn't she be a bit more anxious to spend what time she could with him before he leaves? Even if she's going to meet him in fifteen years, that's still a long time. It's hard to imagine they wouldn't have done everything in their respective powers to make some time to spend together before his one-way trip. At the least, I'd imagine she would have cleared her calendar for the day?
That aside, you really did a fantastic job. This was a fun read. The combination of the Mars Colonization and the animal-breeding brought to mind Philip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep." Really cool stuff. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
All the Best,
John
2
2
Review of A Psalm At Dawn  
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey there. I really enjoyed this story. There are only about umpteen-gazillion vampire tales in the world, and ninety-nine percent of them suck, frankly. Of course, the other one percent are spectacular. Kudos for landing in the one-percent. I don't usually review this way, but I'm going to try something new, as I feel it suits my critique of your story.

What I liked:
The humanity. Most vampire stories (including my own humble try) dwell on the lore, the mythology. Yours hinges upon how your characters choose to interpret their experience therein. Again, great stuff.
The brevity. You say what you need to, and don't kill the reader with over-description or over-characterization. While pithy, the language is nonetheless powerful. "Ethan dressed in darkness; it was his brother's way to light candles." I love that line. It speaks volumes and shines a new light on the entire story.

Suggestions for Improvement:
Consider beginning your story with a line of action, or dialog. That will pull the reader right into your story. Placement of back-story is always tricky, and if you don't mind my saying, I'd avoid beginning a story with it. Two paragraphs of backstory is a lot right off the bat. Taking the first line of dialog and moving it to line-one may do the trick. Just something to consider.

Again, great story. I'm glad I read it; I enjoyed it very much!
All the Best!
John
3
3
Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey. Right off the bat, I think your story is interesting and engaging. You have talent, that's obvious. The following are some suggestions for improvement, as requested. They're offered in a spirit of constructive criticism. Please remember too, that they're just the observations of one person.

STORY: The story is cool; it has a lot of promise. A shapeless stalker in the woods is always a great starting point for an interesting thriller/mystery. The first suggestion I would make regarding the story itself would be to provide a more compelling reason for the Main Character to drive the Chevy truck into his own house. He and his son are running from a threat they both feel but haven't actually seen, as I understand it. This would be reason enough to jump in the truck and boogie, but wouldn't he have tried another way to stop the truck before running into his own house? Like hit some shrubbery, or use the emergency brake? Perhaps you could have a spooked animal run from the woods into the path of the truck? Just a suggestion.

A second idea regarding the story itself would be for the first line to contain action--pull the reader right into the story. Something like:

Henry Johnson splashed cold water on his face, regarded his reflection in the mirror above the sink. He'd heard the stories, of course, everyone in the vicinity of Fox Valley had. The mountain town in which he'd grown up was cursed...

Whenever you have a lot of information for the reader, it's never a bad idea to inject a line or two of actual story (action) here and there. It helps keep the narrative from stalling.



CHARACTERS: The characters ring true, and the dialog is for the most part good. I would suggest perhaps adding a level of description to the characters. Does the Main Character resent his son's having moved away? Does he have a bad knee that's acting up? Does his wife's penchant for sexy shoes pop into his consciousness more often than he'd like? (I love that the wife has a shoe fetish, by the way. That is just incongruous enough to be hysterical without being over-the-top.
It tells us loads about her character.)

WRITING: As I said earlier, it's obvious you have talent as a writer. So please accept my suggestions for what they are, just that.

The first suggestion I would make would be to give the story a careful edit with an eye toward word-economy. You always want to tell your story in as few words as possible, depending of course on how descriptive one's writing tends to be. For example:

The beam of light illuminating from the flashlight flickered and died out.

Might read:

The flashlight flickered and died.

or, if you prefer:

The cone of illumination cast by the flashlight flickered, died.

Ridding sentences of unnecessary and/or redundant words will only improve the narrative-flow of your story.

The other suggestion I'd make would be to watch out for repetitive words. There are certain words, of course, that bear repeating. There were a few instances I noted, though, where a synonym would have welcomed. Be especially careful of the same word beginning two, let alone three, paragraphs in a row. There's an instance in the second part where the name Budsworth begins three consecutive paragraphs.

This is a good story. I'm looking forward to reading the rest as you write it! Again, please accept my constructive criticisms as just that. Keep up the good work!!

All the Best!
John





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Review of CHRIST!  
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a beautiful poem. I am Christian, and I believe this poem sums up Christ's love for us very well. That said, I'm very impressed by the poem itself. The word choice is spot-on. I almost felt as though I was reading a prayer-card or a bit of one of John Donne's sonnets. I wish I had more of a critique to offer, but I am not a poet myself (though I do love reading good poetry.) Suffice to say that I found this piece to be both beautiful, and beautifully crafted.
All the Best!
John

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
5
5
Review of Power  
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there. I read and enjoyed this piece of flash-fiction. Here are my thoughts, please use what helps and disregard what does not.
I like the fact that the story is written in the present tense. The sense of urgency is perfect for this short tale. I also like the description of the cliff falling away in front of the fleeing main character.
As far as suggestions for improvement, I might cut the first sentence into two:

The cliff falls away across crumbling rocks at my feet. I've reached the end of the track.

This, I think, flows a bit better. Also, shorter sentences tend to add tension. Another suggestion would be to rework the second sentence a bit. I'd lose the word "debate," as it tends to suggest deliberation of the sort that takes minutes, not seconds. Also, if this main character is able to tear free the hands of his/her assailant with such apparent ease, why is the MC running at all? I would suggest the second sentence read something like:

I risk a look over my shoulder and he's close now. My mind races to locate a solution that likely doesn't exist.

Or something like that. Again, these are just suggestions and I hope they are of some value to you. If not, please disregard.
Again, I enjoyed this story as it is, and look forward to reading more of your work!
All the Best!
John

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
6
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Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey there. Wow! Is this a world that you've created for a fantasy story? If so, my hat is off to you, sir. This is an incredibly rich and layered description of an imagined landscape! I'm working on a sci-fi novel and have created my own world, so to speak. While fun, it is not as easy as one would think! Yours is interesting and thought-provoking.
If this is meant only to be an exercise in world-building, it still deserves five stars.
Personally, I'm hoping this is the backdrop for a story you plan to/are writing!
Great stuff.
All the Best!
John
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7
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there. This is an engaging story, and I enjoyed reading it. The subject matter is heavy, but the tone is warm and accepting.
There are a few hiccups in the story, mostly having to do with tense. The story is in the past-tense, but then there's the line:

His question interrupts my musings, and I glance at him before looking up at the 'do not walk' sign.

Unless I'm very much mistaken, this should read:

His question interrupted my musings. I glanced at him before looking up at the "do not walk" sign.

The narrative then shifts back to the past-tense. For example:

I smiled, his excitement was always genuine, and even the smallest thing would make him happy.

Aside from the tense issue, this was a good story. I thought the dialog was solid, and I loved the boy's fascination with robots controlling the world. Thanks for posting this very interesting and engaging story.
All the Best!
John

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
8
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Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there. I love the sentiment of this little nugget of wisdom. My only critique would be that you may want to try and make it a bit more pithy. Many of the most memorable and enduring sayings are either quite short, or they employ rhymes. These two are by Franklin:

Lost time is never found again. Or:

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Just something to keep in mind. Of course Franklin is a high-water-mark, but his were the first that sprang to mind when I thought of famous sayings.

That said, yours is very good, and I absolutely agree with the sentiment!

All the Best!
John

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 
9
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Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there. I enjoyed this poem very much. I'm not a poet, nor am I an expert in the rules of poetry-- I just enjoy poems that speak to me. This one did. The word-choice seemed spot-on, and the poem does indeed have depth. This poem seems to me subject to a variety of interpretations, as most enduring poems are. Great job, and thanks for posting!
All the Best!
John
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Review of Wasting Time  
Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there. I enjoyed this poem very much. I'm fascinated by the subject of time, and this poem captures some of humankind's most basic anxieties regarding the apparent passage of time. I also like that you added the type of poem it is, and described how a Sedoka is crafted. For those of us who enjoy poetry, but have little knowledge of the types of poetry and the rules that govern them, that little bit is quite helpful!
Again, great job. This is a fine poem, and I enjoyed reading it.
All the Best!
John
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Review of Haunted Castle  
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi there. I enjoyed reading your story. You have an interesting voice- the story comes across as half horror-tale and half fairy-tale.
As this is a review, here are a few things I would suggest.
First, this story is categorized as a novella. A novella, if I'm not mistaken, bridges the word-count-gap between a short-story and a novel. Yours is a short-story, or possibly even flash-fiction.
Also, there are a few places where the narrative flow is a bit clunky. Nothing terrible, but I would suggest that, when you work on the next draft, you read the story aloud. Where you find your tongue fumbling, your prose needs smoothing-out. Basically, if it speaks well, it will read well.
One final suggestion would be to go easy on the exclamation-points. They are most useful in dialogue, and should be used sparingly in the rest of the narrative.
Those suggestions aside, yours was a good story, and I enjoyed reading it. I hope this review was helpful to you.
All the Best!
John

This review was sent in affiliation with WDC Power Reviewers Group
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Review of His Hands  
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there. I enjoyed your poem very much. The imagery is great, and the work certainly elicits feeling. I'm not a poet, nor am I overly-familiar with the rules of the genre. For that reason, I can't offer a technical critique. In my humble opinion, though, this is a great poem. Keep writing!
All the Best,
John
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Review of Tranquil  
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, I really enjoyed your poem. It flows beautifully, and I think your word-choice is spot on. I am not a poet, and have little knowledge of the rules that apply to poetry, and so I'm afraid I cannot offer a technical critique. Suffice to say that the poem spoke to me, and elicited emotion- in the end, isn't that what good poetry does?
In my humble opinion, you did a great job!
All the Best,
John
14
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Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there. This is an interesting piece of prose, and I enjoyed it very much. I think it would make an excellent poem. The only critique I can offer is that I don't think you need to end the quotation (with marks) at the end of each line. If the dialogue is spoken continually, as it is by the muse toward the end, I believe you only need quote the end and beginning- even if the dialogue lasts for lines. As yours is a sort of free-style prose (in this work, I mean) I suppose the rules may be different. Just an observation.
Overall, though, great job. I'd love to see this in the form of a poem!
All the Best!
John
15
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Review of Unexpected Grace  
Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there. I came across your poem and had to stop and give a read. I'm so pleased to say that I really enjoyed it. I don't pretend to be a poet, or to understand any but the most very basic rules of the genre, and so I'm afraid I can't give you any technical critique. The poem is beautiful, though- I don't need to understand all the subtleties of poetry to be able to identify beautiful language. Also, your work evokes feeling, and to me, that is the measure of a good poem.
Great job. Looking forward to reading more of your work!
All the Best,
John
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Review of The Creators  
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there. First of all, let me say that I think you have a cool concept here. The notion that God is an alien is not a new idea, of course, but I like your take on it. The idea that aliens planted humankind on earth, only to be besieged by another alien army, is very cool and, as far as I know, unique. I would consider fleshing this out into a longer story, or perhaps even a novel.
As far as constructive criticism, you have an awful lot packed into a very short story. As noted, I think a longer format would serve this story well. The problem with cramming too much info into a very short story is that it becomes increasingly difficult to follow the all-important maxim of "show me, don't tell me."
I like that the story's focus is on the president. You created a cool character, there. If I may make a suggestion, though, I would humanize him a bit. Make him a bit more easy to relate with. Has all this pressure given him headaches, perhaps? What does this mean to him, personally? As a president, of course, he will think of his people, and his responsibilities as a leader. But as a person, he will think about his family, his reputation, and of course his legacy.
One final note. I would suggest, perhaps, changing the name of the "greys," as Timothy Zahn wrote a book called The Green and the Grey (I believe that's the title) in which two groups of aliens (commonly referred to by those names,) battle, in secret, on Earth.
This was a fun read, and I think it would make a great basis for a novella or novel. I hope you'll let me know if you decide to expand! Thanks for posting this story, as I enjoyed reading it.
All the Best,
John
17
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Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi there. I enjoyed your poem very much. I am not a poet, nor am I well-versed in the rules governing the genre, so I'm afraid I can't offer much in the way of a technical review. Suffice to say that your poem evoked feelings in me, and that the language was felicitous. As far as I'm concerned, that's a good poem!
All the Best!
John
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Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey there. This is a terribly clever, imaginative story! Your protagonists are likable and entertaining. The humor of the story definitely comes through, I found myself smiling a lot while reading. The very idea that an Orc could be cowardly is pretty damned funny, right off the bat.
You create a believable world by implying that there is already a discernible pattern for Orcs who find themselves ousted by their tribes. They must either work the mines, or serve an evil lord. Oh, and I also love the notion that these two clowns would be asked, by an evil lord, to sign human-resources documents. Very funny stuff!
You have a tremendous amount of skill as a writer, and as a story-teller. Don't short-sell yourself! I wouldn't BS you!
You mentioned that you were having trouble keeping this piece under two-thousand words- well, I think I can make a few suggestions that may help. If you don't mind, I'm going to send you a few suggested edits, focused mostly on word-economy. I'm going to go and reread the story, and I'll send along some suggestions shortly.
John
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Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there! This was a fun and engaging story. I don't know if you are a fan of Dr Who, but this week's episode had to do with a smile. Having said that, I think your story was more interesting. The world you created (we must assume it takes place in the future) is rich, and I can easily imagine David Tennant (my favorite doctor) popping up there.
Apparently Clara Holden is wrong to instruct her greeters not to smile, and, in fact, this is what has been hindering negotiations. The character of the Chaol ambassador does not seem at all lecherous, or lustful. Therefore, the reader must assume that Joy's smile, far from being interpreted as sexual come-on in an inappropriate setting, is in fact taken for what it is, a sign of happiness.
This was a clever, concise story, and I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for posting!
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Review of My Child  
Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there! I stumbled across this poem of yours and am very glad that I did. There's a lot of wisdom packed into a few stanzas! Have you considered submitting this poem to a parenting magazine? I'll bet one would love to publish it.
I'm not a poet, and by and large the rules of poetry are alien to me. Suffice to say, though, that this work reads very nicely, and speaks with a clear voice.
Great job! I enjoyed this poem very much.
All the Best!
John
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Review of Shape Shifter  
Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there. This was a very interesting and well-written piece, and I enjoyed it very much. I'm all about new monsters, and yours really hits home! As writers, we all play God to an extent. I've often wondered (figuratively, of course) what becomes of the character's I've created and breathed life into, only to later disregard with no more thought for them than for the story I've just placed on a back burner.
If your monster is real, I'm in big trouble!
Again, this was a fun and thought-provoking read. Thanks for posting!
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Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi again! Okay, so let me just say this- I always cringe a little inside when I log on to read and review someone's work, only to find out that they write poetry. This is only because, by and large, most unpublished poetry is not very good. There are exceptions, of course- and to be fair, this site does have more than its share of very talented poets- but a decent bit of the time I find myself wringing my hands and trying to come up with something positive to say.
Well, this is the second poem of yours I'm reading and it is a pleasure to be able to say that I really enjoyed this one too. You are a talented writer, of that there is no doubt. Again, I'm sorry that I don't know enough of the rules of poetry to offer you a more in-depth technical analysis. Suffice to say that it made me feel something, as all good poems must. Again I appreciate your word-choice. And once again, I really enjoy your style of rhyme. It is never clunky or writ-large. It always teases the reader with similarly sounding syllables- as though only part of the rhyme pierces the paper (or, in this case, computer screen.)
In this humble reader's opinion, this is a very good poem. Keep posting, please!
All the Best,
John
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Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, I enjoyed this poem very much. I am not a poet, nor am I overly familiar with the rules governing poetry, so unfortunately I cannot offer much in the way of a technical critique. I am, however, a fan of good poetry. I may not always be able to tell you why I enjoy a particular poem as much as I do- but I, like most readers, can smell bad poetry from three blocks away.
Yours is a good poem.
I like the structure- four lines, three lines, five lines. I'm sure there's a technical name (or three) for that, but I do not know it. Your word choice is specific and sophisticated. And, I very much enjoy the ghost-rhymes employed. Sky/Bri(ghty) and Venom/Hea(vens.) It lends this free-verse poem a hint of something more, just beneath the surface...
Thanks for posting this poem! I enjoyed reading it, and will certainly read more of your work!
All the Best!
John
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Review of The Premonition  
Review by J. Robert Kane
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there. This is an interesting story, and I enjoyed it very much. It calls to mind King's Bag of Bones. I too, am fascinated by the phenomenon of sleep paralysis, and you use it effectively here. I'll be sure and check out some more of your work.
All the Best!
John
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Review of tidal pool  
Review by J. Robert Kane
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there. I enjoyed your poem very much. The imagery is fantastic, and the feeling of "apart-ness" you've captured is moving.
I'm not a poet, and know little for the mechanics of the genre, so I'm afraid I can be no help in those areas. I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed it very much.
All the Best to You,
John
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