I really enjoyed this very much. It's simple, but at the same time there is so much to it. There is a weight to this piece that can't be measured, and I loved how much emotion came across in this. Overall an amazing job.
Keep writing! ~Kali
The only thing that I do not like about this story is that it does not actually sound like it's a teenager who is telling it. It sounds more like a person of an older age and greater wisdom. It in a way takes away from the piece for me. But over all it is a great story and I enjoyed it very much. Keep writing =]
I think that this piece is so beautiful and elegant, and overall just amazingly accurate in so many ways. It speaks in a way that is sad but also in a way that is telling a story that is true. So many people die so young and haven't the years to live that they should. It's sad as we all know, and we wish that it could be changed. And this work shows it clearly. It also gives a look into peoples lives as they lived them and where they were going and were they had been. And I thought it was unique and made it even more realistic to write about. Over all just an amazing piece of work!
~Keep writing!
The first person who I lost was also my grandfather. I was only in middle school when he died. That morninf my parents told me they were going to go visit my grandfather because he was very sick. Turns out he was in a coma and died later that morning. I came home that day from school and my brothers told me that he had passed. I was in denial until my mother called and told me. After that I cried and cried..The pain lasted so long..there were calling hours that weekend that I went to. It was the worst day of my life. but since the ground was to frozen it was months until there was the gathering for the burial. I can relate to this story so well and I am so glad that you wrote and posted this. It truely is an amazing piece.
Write on, and I hope to read from you again.
~Kali
This is so sad, and all too true for so many people. This kind of abuse happens all the time, and far to many times the result can be death because the one abused feels as if they are trapped and can't get away. What you say about the person hiding what happens to them is true also. They are afraid of others finding out what is happening to them. I feel like you really hit this on the head, and did an amazing job on this piece.
Keep writing and sharing!
~Kali
This is a very futuristic and instantly mind catching story. The concept of the story it's self is one that not many people could have thought of, and put it so succesfully into a print that could be shared and admired by others. The story is one that seems it can be enjoyed over and over again and truely be considered a great read.
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