Firstly, you sound like an interesting and lovely person. I love animals so I envy you a lot!
I think your description is vivid: you use tactile, olfactory, and visual to bring to life the scene.
Only one minor thing the line 'I chugged into Elk Habitat' might be 'I chugged into the Elk Habitat' - just a small pedantic point. Also, 'He spied me and I felt my blood run cold' is in the passive voice. To make it active, you might say, 'He spied me and my blood ran cold' (there is nothing wrong with the way you put it - it is just a different style, have you heard of active and passive voice?)
Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story and look forward to reading more of your animal stories. I am sure you have many more anecdotes.
I am glad you are alright and that the management listened to what you said and moved the log.
An excellent piece. I particularly liked the turn in the poem - I was not expecting the poison. Overall, the rhythm is kept well by the rhyming couplets; however, there are a few stanzas which are irregular and over long.
I really enjoyed the poem and you create a good sense of voice. Thank you for the poem.
I enjoyed this poem. You create a dramatic voice very well. I especially liked the interjections of colloquialisms.
Observations
'tires' perhaps should be 'tyres'
Also, at times, because some lines are long compared to the others the rhythm does not always flow. However, you use punctuation to help guide the reader.
Overall, your focus on different senses, tactile and auditory, and use of varied diction creates the scene and the character's voice very credulously. A very creative piece.
Great control structurally and nicely built to the final stanza. One thing, for me, is I am not sure if your poem lends weight to 'nothing would have changed', surely if you'd given up earlier things would be different. Perhaps you need to think about what it is what you want to say or the idea and then express. Sorry if it seems like I am being pedantic - I did enjoy your poem a lot.
Great poem. You really bring to life the servant. I like the twist at the end that she was in fact carrying the jewels. Your careful structure keeps a strong rhythm and helps create the servant's voice. I would only say try and be a bit more daring with your images - try and use other sense to give your writing more impact. Overall, I enjoyed the poem.
A very delightful poem. I do hope you find some laughter! It is, however, rather doggerel (and I do not mean it in a harsh, critical way as such - I know the term has negative connotations, but it can be used to express the way the writer highlights the entertaining aspects of the content). I hope that does not sound condescending, I just did not want you to be offended or think I was being overly critical. So, it is a quaint little ditty, but, for me, the final stanza was not satisfying as the optimism of the voice in the poem seems misplaced considering the negative attitude in the previous stanzas. Overall, I enjoyed the poem.
There is some great diction which helps to express your ideas and emotions. I really liked the fact that the opening with the animals mirrors that of the humans showing a unity. However, I think the poem lacks, in my opinion, clarity. I am not sure the people 'accused' should get 'respect' especially a lazy person. Also, I am not certain how 'joyous fulfillment of love/ will come to pass' from the poem, or even what it is in context of the poem. You have some great ideas, which, if expanded on, could not only make the poem easier to understand, but to have more impact on the reader. It is worth considering how an animal 'survives' - predators must hunt; yet there is a respect and admiration we have for them; the meek, gentle lamb also has a strength in its resilience to survive any terrain. Perhaps it is worth delving into how such animals survive by looking at their senses. It might also be worth looking at the ambiguities of such animals, such as predators killing but still being worthy compassion. These are just my opinions and you do not have to agree with them.
Overall, I liked the poem and think there are some strong ideas. Your diction helps to set the mood and to create visuals in the reader.
It is very clever the way you make the poem fit Pi; however, because of this, I think the emotion and clarity of the poem is slightly diminished. Structure is good, but it should not inhibit what you're trying to say, but rather illuminate it. You have some great diction, but again, it does not always fit with the content, such as 'while healing arms, luminous in dark.' This is just my opinion. Overall, I enjoyed the poem and do think there is an intensity about the poem due to its density. It also conjures up some great images.
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