Awesome!! You present the story so well! Humor, witt, the works-your usual Winklett talent!
I am glad things worked out in your favor in this situation...and as an added bonus, you may be able to present your writing talent in the paper...who knows what that could lead to...maybe your own newspaper column! :)
Great story! Again, your humor is obvious, and shines brilliantly, unlike the lights in your house!!
I too enjoy the dusk, romantic lit atmosphere. So, you're not alone.
Parts I particluarly enjoyed:
So, we move through the halls and rooms, he and I, turning lights off and on and off again in turn: dancing the waltz of battling fireflies.
Excellent descriptive!
my mother, Queen of the Sun: proud owner of a bright, immaculate home decorated in flower swags of pine-meets-cranberry and a golden-framed overdose of Thomas Kinkaid, "painter of light."
This provides a lot of wonderful detail.
and of course...
My ten-month-old baby boy, Jonah, is naturally in complete agreement with me on the Great Light Debate. He plays happily by lamplight with both book and ball, never once uttering a single word of complaint when all the blinds are drawn. Once he learns to talk, I’ll have him explain our point of view to that silly father of his.
Too funny
The last line is also great. You have a way with writing stories that end fabulously with one liners that tie it all together, and make the reader chuckle.
This is an excellent start to what I believe could be an excellent novel one day. The story reminds me of a part of the book called "The Lost Boy." It is actually a series, and very sad.
You did a terrific job with a difficult topic.
You may want to go back through this, and add commas where necessary, and be careful of run-on sentences.
For example:
Most of the time he didn't care what they talked about but he hated how they gawked at him when he walked in the door. Hated how the girls got silly little smiles on their faces and hurriedly leaned towards the nearest friend, hand cupped around the other person's ear, how the boys snickered and jabbed elbows at one another.
Try: Most of the time he didn't care what they talked about but, he hated how they gawked at him when he walked in the door He hated how the girls got silly little smiles on their faces and hurriedly leaned towards the nearest friend, hand cupped around the other person's ear, whispering about him; hated how the boys snickered and jabbed elbows at one another.
A suggestion:
I know that you keep the theme of lower case through out the poem, but I think it would make it more personal, and get your message across more, if you capitalized "i" in the last line.
Have you considered writing a more personal piece on Gina, remembering the good times, and how she has touched your life? I bet that would be wonderful.
This provides such a deep personal look into your thoughts and feelings. It explores many different sides of depression and the contemplation of suicide. I'm glad you were able to get this on paper, instead of choosing a more destructive alternative.
You sound like a very special person, and someday someone will figure that out as well. Don't give up on love. But don't go searching for it either. It will come when you least expect it!
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