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8 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Klang
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Good effort. An interesting premise. Also a compelling ending. I would look at shortening the story though, to condense somewhat down into the most interesting of what you have, and rearrange it a bit to ensure you have a cohesive story with logical, smooth flow. You seem to have spent alot of words at the beginning introducing your main character rather than allowing the story to introduce us to him. I would try to restructure that. Good Luck! I'll belooking for more of your work!
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Review by Klang
Rated: E | (4.0)
This story is heartwarming. It is excellent. The main character comes to life immediately. She learns a life-lesson too, in that , although she can't always have what she wants, a little introspection can show that her desires may not be what she originally thought, and with an open mind, she can still have what she REALLY wants inside. The illustrations are wonderful!
Great Post!
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Review by Klang
Rated: E | (2.0)
I would look hard at shaving words and paragraphs 1st. (in an effort to get more efficiently and quickly to the meat of your story) Perhaps try the mechanism of getting more quickly into the story and let the descriptive narrative come as part of the story-telling, rather than beginning your story with description. Then I would look at your dialogue and how it is treated grammar/style-wise. Also, it seems as if your main charachters thoughts are more eloquent than his speech(seems like he thinks on a higher level than he speeks); I think they should match.
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