*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kweaver1974/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
356 Public Reviews Given
357 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- ... Next
26
26
Review by Karl
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
That is a great outlook to have, and an inspiration on this fine Saturday morning. I am reviewing for thr LHEOG raid and chose you at ramdom. I hope that you have a great day!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
27
27
Review of Circle in Motion  
Review by Karl
In affiliation with 30 Day Image Prompt Contest Co...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow, I like it. Very metaphorical.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
28
28
Review by Karl
Rated: E | (3.0)
Sounds like fun. Have a nice trip; see you next fall.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
29
29
Review of First Born  
Review by Karl
In affiliation with Newby Novelists  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Touching, I hope that your son appreciates the love that you have for him.
30
30
Review by Karl
In affiliation with Newby Novelists  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
And the peanut gallery goes crazy with a standing applause! The critic hang their heads in shame and slink off into the corner to disappear in ignominy.
31
31
Review by Karl
In affiliation with Newby Novelists  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I think that you started out strong, but you kinda lost me in the middle there. By the time you reached you conclusion, which was positive and uplifting. I understand depression, and I know that writing can be a wonderful outlet for dealing with it. Unfortunately, I don't think that this poem is the right place. If pull some of the gloom out and focus on some of the waypoints along the journey, I think you'll find that you will be much happier with it. As a side note, often my moods will mimic the mood of my writing. You CAN write yourself into a better mood. If you need to talk, I read real good. LOL.
32
32
Review by Karl
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed this. Creative.
33
33
Review of Draco's story  
Review by Karl
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
It is very interesting. An unusual format, and one that I have never experianced before, but I can see how it could quickly take on a life of its own. While your story is a little more fantastical than even I am used to, I am certain that it will appeal to a certain subset that follows that genre. Do continue, and enjoy the process.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
34
34
Review of The Anniversary  
Review by Karl
In affiliation with Newby Novelists  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a powerful story. I am pleased to be second to such a well thou out tale as this. Congratu-ations, and please do keep up the good work.
35
35
Review of My Last Tale  
Review by Karl
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Why they gather, that at least, is a little better known. Obviously, they meet for the purposes of mating. It is also believed that they gather to trade information, both arcane and mundane. It is thought that they may meet to engage each other in sport, games, and riddling. It is even surmised that they meet out of gregariousness, although this supposition definitely has experts who scoff at such a notion as camaraderie among dragons.
--> After reading this story, I was left wondering why they returned here every year myself. Hmm...


Against his better judgment, but in honor of my wishes, I was taught swordsmanship and archery. The master man-at-arms, who was hired to teach me these things, said he never saw my like with a sword before.
--> This kinda fizzled for me. It seemed to foreshadow events that never occured.


He has food ready and we begin to eat.

“Ordac, I’m afraid of what I’m sensing from you. You aren’t staying long this time are you?”

“No Yort, this time I am only staying the night, with your permission of course.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You could stay forever, if you wish. That would be my wish.”

We are silent for a time, as we eat. Then he asks, “It’s funny that you are coming by this time of year, and only staying for a night. What do you have in mind, my son?”

I laugh. Yort is so intuitive and wise. “Guess, my master. Astound me with your powers of precognition.”

“You are going to the Wild Coast, to see the Gathering of Dragons.”

“Did you divine that, or did you read my mind magically?”

“No, simple, ordinary deduction, my son. Nothing magical about that.”

“It is time. It is time for me to see some dragons. I have learned all that I can learn of them. I feel a calling. I don’t know why. I must go to the Wild Coast, even if it means the death of me. I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Yort looks concerned. “I will not try to deter you. I know such words are wasted on you, but I must tell you something before you go. Interacting with dragons is always dangerous, but for you it will be particularly dangerous.”

“Why, my master?”

“I am about to make good on my promise I made to you many years ago. Remember that day, long ago, when you asked me who the dragon I conversed with was?”

--> this dialogue is a little stilted. I see a young man returning home after a long journey to see his "father", but I can't feel the emotion of the reunion.

As I look closer I realize my error, and my heart leaps into my throat. The large creatures circling are not vultures at all, but dragons. I am still miles from the coast, but they are so massive, I can already easily make them out.
--> I think that this was my favorite part. the imsge of dragons circling like vultures will stick with me.

I see just two dragons. I am much closer to the coast now, so they are much larger. They are circling one another, each mighty flap of their wings brings them higher into the air. They climb higher and higher until suddenly they are illuminated; their red scales leap to life, gleaming and glistening by the light of the sun not yet risen to me. They close upon one another and pass each other dangerously close. Again they do this. They climb higher yet. They slow and approach each other. They met in mid-air and grab talons. They press against one another, wrap their wings around the other, and fall. Their roars are thunderous.

They drop rapidly and seem oblivious to the approaching sea below. They spew forth fire, leaving two perfectly straight, long contrails of smoke in the sky. I am afraid they will crash, but just as they close to the water, they release one another and spread their giant wings. Each skims across the top of the waves. They circle one another and start to climb into the sky again, just as the sun rises above the ocean’s rim.

-->This is one of the most vivid descriptions of a dragon mating dance the I have ever seen. Good job!

I take to the sky. Kreln need to fly. A Kreln who cannot fly, for whatever reason, will die.
-->Show me the unrestrained joy of flight. Don't burden the moment with worries and obligations; let go of your inhibitions and revel in the adreneline rush. I think that I would use that as my ending, rather than dwelling on the potential drudgery of the future.

Overall I think you have a good story here. I would try to maintain focus on the items that will strengthen the emotional impact that I'm sure you are trying to communicate and just let the supeerfluous stuff go. Being a sell sword, heck even having a sword, really does nothing to promote the plot of the story.

These are just suggestions. I am no professional.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
35 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kweaver1974/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2