Loved the theme of this poem. I found it very expansive. Contrasts great, and language picturesque and at times powerful. Had some problems with the rhythms and musicality.
I think this is a delightful account of a long and deep friendship of a special kind. I can feel the intimacy between the two boys as they grow together, end up in engineering school together, and working in similar fashion. Then I can feel the dichotomy of the one who wants the adventure, while the other wants security, the one enjoys animals while the other is terrified of them, etc. But the practice of being together wins out over all this, and is again captivated in the last line as a summary of the relationship. The POV was consistent with the language style used by the two friends. It was very interesting that in the grieving process, the writer had the dog (wolf) beside him to remind him constantly of the "missing person".
Succinct record of dependency. Makes me want to scream "Get out of this unhealthy relationship." It's very true that people remain in familiar situations for fear of having no--one. This poem describes it clearly. Could be the beginning of a great story.
Interesting topic. Loved the last stanza of this poem, its brevity seemed to emphasise its thought. Also liked the "sparrow crossing endless sky." Well done.
Love the imagery of the beloved as a golden spired city of springs and safety, and the "all within a single beat", and the mountain climbing efforts involved in finding this place. Good you can vary the rhymes to keep the musical flow. Should be "love's lost frontier". Lovely to read really romantic poetry.
This is the germ of a great idea. You need to develop the process by which this urgent message came to you. Describe your feelings. When did they occur, and what ineractions were happening at the time.? How do you plan to grow closer to your children as a consequence of your experience? What goals were re-evaluated, how, and with what effect? What effect have your new ideas had on your family and how have they been demonstrated? Keep writing. There is lots happening here!
Study your poetry before posting it and eliminate the spelling errors and syntax mistakes. Something (somthing) that's (thats) . Enjoyed your rhythm. Loved the positive twist at the end. Like the way you described your pain with the dry mouth and the heart going cold. It made me feel the pain myself. That is good writing.
This is topic everyone can relate to. Some spelling and other errors which need to be edited out before posting - "Infact" should be "In fact", Obsticles should be obstacles, weither beomes whether, awhile should be a while, finnaly should be finally, god should be God as that's his name, incrediable should be incredible, alittle should be a little. This has great potential as a story or book. You need to show us how the changes came about through feelings and especially dialogue, rather than just statements. That will get your readers more involved in and responsive to your story. Keep writing. You have a great deal to offer.
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