I like that each paragraph begins with "I give thank". There is power in these three words, in this order. When "I" do something, it is very personal--"I" is an expression of the essence of our existence.
When you "give" you are being selfless, which is noble and kind.
When you give "thanks" you are expressing gratitude for what God has brought into your life, which is, in my opinion, a key part of worship. A heart of gratitude engenders a worldview filled with wonder and delight.
I always enjoy reading about faith. While it is very personal, it is also very vital--only by sharing our faith with others is the Great Commission fulfilled.
The pacing of this story is excellent. You provide enough detail to contextualize the plot. The characters are interesting and I would like to know more about them. The challenges that face political leaders are as old as civilization and will never go away--putting these difficulties in a fantasy context was ingenious. Well done!
I find compressing a long journey into a few lines reveals truths about the journey, otherwise unseen. You have compressed the "long" journey of a lifetime into a few lines and revealed that, even at ninety-nine, we are all still young. I happen to believe we are eternal beings (after all, energy cannot be destroyed), so ninety-nine or ninety-nine billion is still only the beginning of The Great Journey.
The rhythm of the poem is not entirely consistent, but I have no problem with that, for that is how real life is as well.
This is a fun read and the artwork is adorable. The rhythm is interesting because the patterns don't all match--I think this is very appropriate for a story of imagining the different things we could be.
You may consider using a question mark at the end of "fooled you, didn't I.", instead of the period.
Kyra, I enjoyed this piece very much. You ask many intriguing questions, which reveals an active, inquisitive, intelligent mind, which is GREAT for a writer. Thank you for sharing your work!
Rose Scott, you captured powerful emotions and viewpoint in this short poem. It is not easy to focus so much intensity in a few lines, but you have done it very well. Thank you for sharing this poem. I hope your life is filled with _helpful_ eyes and ears!
Olivia, this poem is raw, emotional, and powerful. You are very brave to share such intense and evocative imagery. Thank you for sharing--I believe your words will be a comfort to others who desperately need comfort and understanding. Thank you, Oliva.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/laurafoley
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 2:06am on Apr 26, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
