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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lavenderfields
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11 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Semblance  
Review by Velvet Grey
Rated: E | (4.5)
You have a very nice vocabulary.
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Review by Velvet Grey
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a nicely written story. I read it to my 9 -year-old daughter before bed, and she asked if we could have a lighthouse. :)
I have not myself know of what a hard job keeping a lighthouse was, and how physically demanding it must have been. The only thing I missed in your story was the closing, as you start it with "visualize yourself", but finish it a bit colourlessly. I suggest you added a few more sentences to that!
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Review by Velvet Grey
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really enjoyed the flow in your story, and you managed to capture the emotions, particularly the newly found pain inside of the character, very well. I think that you could be a bit more specific about how the grandfather shared his wisdom with the boy, perhaps by telling one particular situation that helped him to develop as a person. Also, in one paragraph you tell the boy was seventeen when Papaw died, and in the other that he was 20, or am I getting it wrong?
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Review by Velvet Grey
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I read your story and wanted to share a few thoughts with you. I liked your opening lines and the way it draws the reader into the story almost instantly. Greer meeting Parker in an elevator was also funny, I even blushed imagining how awkward this encounter must have been. Great work.
I also noticed you are trying to portray Parker as a bit of a jerk, but I actually would question how likely it would be for someone to demand a cup of coffee from their colleague’s (who is apparently in the position of authority) daughter they see for the first time in their lives. How about he made some rude remark about her clothes being unsuitable for the job, or hinting she won’t last in that possition? Anything more realistic would do. Also, I noticed there was a word missing in this sentence: “He raced the, when he was my age. I always thought I’d do the same.”
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