Please note that the opinions expressed here are mine only, and you free to regard or disregard them. I always only mean to encourage you with a review, and if I ever hurt you in any way, I apologise - it was unintended.
My first reaction:
I read your piece because of the introduction... It caught my attention! And I was glad I did, it was a fun poem to read, just like I imagined it to be!
The good points:
Your poem had two of my favorite items: One, it rhymed. Two, it was a childish poem. No, not childish in the bad sense, I mean in the genre sense! I love nonsense poems!
The rhyming was perfect, I liked the fact that you made words rhyme with Sidget. The flow was smooth and easy, so more points for that!
The content was fun, especially the punch line! Ha ha, poor Milicent! She's one of those with whom bad luck happens no matter what!
Suggestions:
Second stanza, last line: Is the word supposed to be finger instead of finer?
Wow, thank you for the wonderful tips! I'm saving it on my computer so I can go through the checklist every now and then whenever I am writing! The two tips I liked the best were: "research", and "show, don't tell". And now that I think about it, maybe not following the "show, don't tell" tip is one of the major flaws in my writing! I need to get working on this one soon...
Thanks once again
Leo
- Imperfection is the key to true beauty
PS: I was wondering if the checklist can be formatted a bit to make it easy on the eyes? Leaving a line between each point, and making the heading of each point bold? That would make it easier to navigate! Just my thought!
It's strange, but understand your feelings even though motherhood is a long way ahead for me at the moment. I come from a South Asian background, so I understand what you mean by competition.
Everything in your piece is so true! I see it happening around with my married cousins. Forget childcare, one of them is actually already thinking of University options! And the poor child is only two years old! :(
The thing which I find strange is that my other cousin is rearing her child in a totally opposite way, giving complete attention, not dumping the baby to various institutes so early. So my question is, why the stark difference between ideology, even though both of my cousins grew up with the same background. The human mind is boggling...
Its scary to think about what we would be instilling in our children if we start with the competitiveness, fear and survival skills from the very early age. Come to think of it, isn't it one of the jobs of a mother? To nurture the child in a healthy environment, because s/he is weak, because s/he is SUPPOSED to be weak at the mere age of two?
Good thoughts! I hope more mothers think like you!
Please note that the opinions expressed here are mine only, and you free to regard or disregard them. I always only mean to encourage you with a review, and if I ever hurt you in any way, I apologise - it was unintended.
My first reaction: I can imagine the grief you are trying to portray to us. A strong piece.
The good points: The subject matter was well conveyed. I'm a medical student myself and worked at a vaccination station two months back. So I guess it is easier for me to understand how a parent feels about the child's situation. We are so lucky to be born in the era where such things are available to us.
The flow of the poem was excellent! Smooth and slow. That really helped the message to sink in. I'm also a fan of traditional rhyming poetry, so you gain points from me for that!
Suggestions: I have no suggestions. It is perfect.
My rating: 5
A thought-provoking piece! Thank you for sharing it with us.
Please note that the opinions expressed here are mine only, and you free to regard or disregard them. I always only mean to encourage you with a review, and if I ever hurt you in any way, I apologise - it was unintended.
My first reaction: Excellent message in every line of the poem.
The good points: How true! I liked your poem because it gave good and important advice in a simple and easy way - making it easy to digest and accept. For me, the points which struck home are: being patient, not forgetting the past, not letting the anger last, and keeping the pride in check Good work, and thank you!
I enjoyed the flow of your poem, especially the fact that it rhymed I love rhymes
Suggestions: I have no suggestions. It is a piece worth coming back to again and again.
Please note that the opinions expressed here are mine only, and you free to regard or disregard them. I always only mean to encourage you with a review, and if I ever hurt you in any way, I apologise - it was unintended.
My first reaction: That was a very cute piece! I could very eaily imagine her!
The good points: I adore poems for children and I love rhymes! Hence, these two things earned plus points from me. I also liked the fact that your story-telling was organised; Most of your stanzas concentrated on only one feature of the cat, which kept the poem simple and pleasant.
Suggestions: I feel that your second last stanze doesn't go with the flow. I would recommend that you keep it with four lines too, an example would be this: With a tail long and ears tall,
Tiny nose and colours not few,
A high jumper,
Who is never ever blue.
This is just to give you some idea, you can do lots of variations.
My first reaction: Your introduction made me curious, which is why I read your poem. I guessed right what your piece would be about!
The good points: What can I say about the content? The story is sad and it touched me. It's not the first time I've heard of such suicide attempts, but it always hurts, of course. The fifth stanza was the most sad one. Yet, ironically, I thought that this one was the most beautiful, touching, and well-written part of the whole poem.
Apart from the content, the flow of this piece was easy and smooth. And it rhymes - I have a soft spot for this, so you gain points for that. :)
My first reaction: I read you poem because of its intro, and I'm glad I did. The first time I read it, I wanted to read it again, more slowly because it seemed to have many ideas I might have missed before.
The good points: I loved the story of the poem. It seemed very philosophical to me. Sad but sweet. Time can take away many things, but it still has its limits. Some things are eternal! :)
Suggestions: I have no suggestions - I loved the content!
My first reaction: Sweet - that was the first word which came to my mind.
The good points: I absolutely enjoyed the descriptions of the scenery in the poem - the sand, the sun, the waters and the sky. Well done on that! I am also a great fan of rhymes, so you score points for that as well! Apart from that, the story was narrated smoothly and perfectly.
My first reaction: I read your poem because of your intro, and I am glad I did.
The good points: The message was relayed well, and the flow of the poem was smooth. I always have a soft spot for rhymes, so kudos on that point. :)
I like the story of the poem - the fact that instead of crying over it, you have decided to move on, and forget it. But I don't understand the ending - about ignorance. What do you mean by that? For one horrible moment, I thought about suicide, but I hope not!
Suggestions: I have no suggestions as to the content of the poem. Just one spelling error - the word "crossed". But all great authors miss out on grammar and spelling when they are writing their work.
My rating: 4. That is because I could not get the last part - the ignorance bit.
My first reaction: The intro made me want to read your item and I am glad that I did!
The good points: The content was definitely powerful and I absolutely loved it! Each and every line had a deep meaning and everything was well connected. I couldn't even select my favourite bits... I liked the first few lines, but then as I read on, I also loved the ones which followed!
Suggestions: I have no suggestions... full marks!
An enchanting read! Do keep producing such good works, not only for yourself, but other readers too!
Before I do any proper reviewing, let me answer your question in the description first. No, your poem does not suck. As you are a young writer I know how you feel. I am a young writer too, and I feel that poetry is the hardest of all writings. You will see the ups and downs in your writing but you need to keep on going.
You picked a sensitive emotion in your poem and I must say it was portaryed very well. My favourite parts were the emotions in the eighth and ninth lines. How true!
I sadly cannot give any suggestions! I gave you a rating of 4 because I'm biased towards traditional rhyming poetry, that's all!
Keep it up! You have the potential!
Leo
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/leolaunch
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 10:20pm on Apr 25, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Please note that the opinions expressed here are mine only, and you free to regard or disregard them.
I always only mean to encourage you with a review, and if I ever hurt you in any way, I apologise - it was unintended.
Please note that the opinions expressed here are mine only, and you free to regard or disregard them. 
I love rhymes