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Review of Eminence Grise  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings my friend 🌕 HuntersMoon ~LifeLessons~ here to review your poem "Eminence Grise"

*Tophat* First Impressions *Tophat*


Where to start! I won't lie I was nervous about reviewing your work, okay there I said it. *Laugh* Glad that part is over!
So I have to start with the title because it really drew me in to read the poem. Well done! I had to research the true meaning of it and it certainly makes sense given your poetic thoughts of the after math of war. A personal after math and one nobody could be prepared for. It is easy to say one would fight for their country but I wonder if anyone thinks about the effects afterwards.

*Pipe* conventions *Pipe*


I chuckle at the irony: the razor blade looks like a dog tag,

Like wind swept sand abrading my mind,

I would see this as a great example of a simile.


NO! I didn't make it ... I just reside in its torture.

This would be an example of Assonance. using the same vowel sounds throughout the sentence.


You use great punctuation and line breaks to allow me to read this poem with a rhythm and a flow. Free verse is something I am still working on. I thought it would be easy and I am finding it harder than form poetry.

*Type* Favorite Lines *Type*



The silver blade sparkles and then slowly writes
freedom across my arm ...

This would be one of my favorite lines because it is so dark which suits this poem well. The effect of the hyperbole is awesome. Love hyperbole, I think I am addicted to them.
*FacePalm* Well that is a hyperbole!! How could one be addicted to a hyperbole? How does a silver blade write freedom across one's arm?


*Thumbsupl* Over All Thoughts *Thumbsupl*


I really enjoyed this poem and of course I am a fan of everything you write. This one however is quite deep and it holds a vision of despair and loss of one's self. Well done.
I am glad I popped by and thanks for sharing!!

~LL~







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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings Princess Megan Rose 22 Years ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story "Back To The Past:Jane Austen:Part Two"


Well I had to read part 2 and I see you have many to follow. I did read Part One and really enjoyed the adventure of these two girls winding up in the company of Jane Austen.

*Type* First Impressions *Type*


At the end of the first part they were in this restaurant in their first meeting of their writing hero Jane Austen. I enjoyed this story and the way your describe their home. The little discussion between Mr. Austen and Jane gave me a chuckle and shows just how much times have changed since then.

*Type* Characters *Type*


Well I have to start with Mr. Austen considering he is the newest character to show himself. He is very old school compared to now and has no problem speaking his mind. Not liking the idea that Megan and Rose are career women. *Smirk* So glad I was no born in that era! Although the gentleman idea was nice. I guess we can't have it both ways.

Jane seems to be excited to meet these two new friends and the very fact that also right. I am sure the girls would have loved to bring up the fact that they read her books. Not yet I know!

Only a couple of spelling mistakes that I will mention only to bring to your attention.

youtrjobs.
Your jobs

gypsys
gypsies

*Reading* Over All Thoughts *Reading*

I really enjoy this story and I am going to continue reading it. I have to see what happens with these two girls. I have to mention also that I love the line about Dr. Pepper! *Laugh*
Oh what the girls could tell Jane about the future!!!

Thank you again for sharing this with me. I look forward to reading the next part.
~LL~







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Review of Sin  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings Jeff ~LifeLessons~ here to review you poem"Sin"

*Thumbsupr* First Impressions *Thumbsupr*


This is a very inspirational poem with valued advice. I love how you broke it down into individual concepts of philosophy. You held a great rhyme scheme with a nice meter.

*Pipe* Conventions *Pipe*

Let's see what I can find in these wise words.

*Glasses* Alliteration *Glasses*


Fanned flames and burning fires

Here you use the same letter in most of this sentence with similar sounds. Making this an example of alliteration.


*Glasses* Assonance *Glasses*


The original sin of vanity

This is a great example of assonance. You use the same vowel sounds through out this line. A smooth read. There plenty more so I am using a couple of examples.


The one from which other sins spring

This would also be another example.

*Thumbsupr* Hyperbole *Thumbsupl*

I love the use of hyperbole and I never really new what it was and found I used it a lot in my poetry without realizing it.

Weakness leads you to enmesh
In sins of the mortal flesh

This would be a great example because really now, can we get entangled in sins of mortal flesh. Not really but it plays a great embellishment of your poem and what you want to convey to your reader.

*Type* Over All Thoughts *Type*


I enjoyed this poem very much because it is philosophy which I love. You did this very well and used great conventions to pull this piece together.
Thank you for sharing
~LL~



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Review of Fifteenth Summer  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Sara ~LifeLessons here to review your story "Fifteenth Summer"

*FlipFlops3* First Impressions *FlipFlops3*



Oh how I remember those days. The mere look from a guy especially at the beach was a heart throb! We thought we were so cool back then. This is a really cute story of two friends who head to the beach hoping to catch the attention of a couple of good looking guys. The sting ray situation was a little scary for sure but it did get the attention of the Danny that Deb was looking for. Maybe she would have preferred a more delightful way to meet him but it was the breaker for getting close to him. Her heart melting and being in pain at the same time. A little awkward.*Blush*

*Wave2* Characters *Wave2*

Deb

A naive fifteen year old that is looking for love. Her efforts are shy but she has her eye on the life guard and didn't really know how to get his attention. With all the other girls surrounding his post and flirting she really didn't think she stood a chance. She is a bit quirky and didn't know how to react when the time came that they were close enough to talk. Clever however, returning to the beach and keeping an open mind to have at least a friendship.

Sandy


Sandy seems to be a little more up front and knows how to use her girly ways to get what she wants. A diva in the making I can see that.
She seems to have the looks of an older teen and not so shy.

Danny


Being older I don't think Danny sees Deb the way she would have wanted. He was doing his duty as a life guard and didn't see it the way she would have wanted. A good looking guy with girls swooning over him all the time. Aren't life guards all the same? LOL
I think he would of seen her as a little sister.

*Seaweed*
Punctuation and Grammar
*Seaweed*



As I was reading I noticed some issues with commas and this is a common issue with most new writers, so don't feel too bad. I did it myself. So a couple of examples here to show you.

example:

We took the bus to the postcard-perfect coast as we were, as I have pointed out, only in our mid teens, and our permits to drive were more than a year away in our futures. We sat way in the back where we were relatively unnoticed in our bus-riding humility. The trip was short; straight down Wilshire Boulevard to its end. We departed and walked down the cliff to the beach below.

maybe:
We took the bus to the postcard-perfect coast as we were. As I have pointed out we were only in our mid teens and our permits to drive were more than a year away. We sat way in the back where we were relatively unnoticed because we were a little embarrassed of having to take the bus. The trip was short, heading straight down Wilshire Boulevard leading to the walk way of the beach.

This is only a suggestion and this is your story so no pressure in changing it.

*Boat2*
Overall Thoughts
*Boat2*

This story brought back memories for me without a doubt! Thank you for that !
If you revise this story a little paying more attention to wording and punctuation you will let a great story shine even more. I really enjoyed the read and thank you for sharing.



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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful and heart warming.
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Good evening Gary ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story!

*Books5* First Impression *Books5*

I was hooked right from the start. I felt the anguish of this poor soul lying there in bed and not being able to speak to his wife. How he remembers their whole life together and all they accomplished. You really portrayed a great visual as I read along. Never did I see what the outcome would be. I am so glad it was a happy ending. I was going to sniffle otherwise. You did so well describing this lucid dream.

*Books6* characters *Books6*

We know the narrator is using first person for the main character yet there is no name. He seems to be rethinking his life at some point before the dream, playing on his mind.

Martha being his wife was very dear to him throughout the whole story. Even in his dreams he speaks of her with great love and admiration.

*Bookopen* Over all Thoughts *Bookopen*

This was a very compelling story with emotions portraying over a man's loss of life, only to find out it was a dream. So glad for that. You did a great job in writing it, putting a visual to it, I saw it, I felt it. I didn't see or notice any grammar errors but I was enthralled by the story.
Thank you so much for sharing and I hope to read more.


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Review of Perfection  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E
Good Day Fhionnuisce ~LifeLesson~ here to review this poem you have written "Perfection"


*Type* First Impression *Type*

I see this poem as a young boy having a crush? Seeing her as the perfection he has built in his mind. Also aware that she could crush his heart. Oh young love! Admiration for the other species!

*Type* convention *Type*



have I seen such a dream

This is what we would call an in line rhyme. A great convention to give a pleasing tone to the ear. "seen" "dream" although they are not an exact rhyme it still flows as a near rhyme.

You have chosen a free verse poem and there are no rules to any poem unless it is a form. However even with free verse you would want to use words that flow and pay attention to punctuation. Sounding out the words out loud will give yourself an idea of how the reader will absorb it.

*Type* Final Thoughts *Type*

I enjoyed this poem and it reminded me of that young crush that we all have had. something untouchable but admired.

One thing that stood out for me
How gentle you are
as you hold of my heart.

Did You mean as you take a hold of my heart?
instead of as you hold of my heart?


Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope to read more of what you have in your port




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Review of Autumn Ending  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Good Afternoon blackberry ~Lifelessons~ here to review you piece called "Autumn Ending"

*Painting2* First Impressions *Painting2*


Oh yes that time of year again where everything grows dull and the ground is covered in debris of howling winds. You covered just about everything as this time grows near. I see this as a poetic prose and was delighted to find it when I came across the anniversary list.


*Painting2* Suggestions *Painting2*


I found some misused commas here so I would like to show you what I mean by this.

Fine whiskers shimmer, as little paws grasp their bounty, with dark, almond eyes, ever watchful for sharp talons and a razor beak, hovering high above.


Fine whiskers shimmer as the little paws grasp their bounty with dark almond eyes. Ever watchful for a sharp talons and a razor beak, hovering high above.

It seemed to be a bit of a run on sentence but if you nip it and make into two sentences without the overuse of commas you can allow the reader to read it with a break and flow.


*Type* Final Thoughts *Type*

You have a great visual here and use descriptive words to allow the reader to visualize and feel the changes of the seasons. I enjoyed the read and I hope to see more of what your muse gives you.


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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Bird* Good Evening Princess Megan Rose 22 Years ~LifeLessons here and I poked around in your blog entries! *Bird*

The things in life that we have to endure make us stronger. So they say! It seems you have battled a few up hill climbs and you prevailed. You are one strong person!

Hello!!!! you wrote and published a book!! That is so awesome, a dream for me as well.

I look after my husband's grandmother and I couldn't imagine working around it all day long. It has to be hard work for sure.

You sure have overcome some trial in life and I can relate to a couple of them. My son was in an induced coma for a month and it wasn't easy to watch. Harder for him to overcome afterwards.

Sometimes we are given these qualities we would never normally think we had. Push comes to shove and strength finds their course to surface.

I am glad I read through your journal and that you came through it all to be stronger.

Thank you for sharing.
















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Review of Overtime  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonP* Hello my friend Prosperous Snow celebrating !! I am here to read your story as I looked their your port I could have spent the afternoon in there. So many great things to read!



This story you wrote had me angry in the beginning and I could have throttled him myself. *Laugh*
His poor wife thinking he is having an affair and not taking their anniversary seriously and not even coming home!! As I read on I realized this guy had no clue who he was married to and making some harsh mistakes in answering questions. Still I didn't know what was going on and it held my interest to read on.
When the door bell rang I though for sure it would be another woman! Surprised again to find it was a clone. Great job and very creative. The mystery still holds as to why he has a clone. A secret service mission I expect.

I only found one little error and nothing to worry about only a typo.


When their lips met, she felt as if a robot had kissed her. Before she could say anything, the doorbell ring

I believe you meant the doorbell "rang"

Thank you so much for sharing this and I really did get a good laugh with some suspense to the whole story. Thanks again!! I will revisit your port and read the other great pieces I wanted to spend time with today.





*Cake2* *Cake2* *Cake2*











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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Vine2* Hi There ! It is me ~LifeLessons~ and I am hear to take a peak at your poem. It grabbed my interest in review a Newbie.

*BurstV* First Impressions *BurstV*



The title really piqued my interest. I am a true believer in the safety of children around the world.

As I read this poem I feel you are also passionate about children. The world today is very harsh and the child is the one who will reap deep sorrow. You speak of many world issues of war and losses which is out of control. Very sad and I read it with a bit of anger. I felt that emotion as well.


*BalloonP* convention *BalloonP*


I see a convention of allusion here knowing you have used facts of the war and the devastation it holds.
You hold some rhyme scheme but not all the way through. I know this is a free verse poem and there are no real rules but a flow should always run through any poem. I am not a professional on poetry and still learning myself
.

*BurstV* suggestions *BurstV*



These are only suggestions and in the end this is your poem. I would shorten a couple of sentences in your stanzas to create that image with an easier flow to the ear of the reader.
example:The scars they bare run oh so deep, to deep to even show


I realize here you are trying to show great emotion in this sentence. However using the word deep twice in the same sentence threw me off somewhat. There are many other words to use to get across the same feelings.
maybe: " The scars they bare run too deep to show "

If you take the time to shorten some of these your poem would create a great sound to the ear with the same emotions.

*DropP* Final Thoughts *DropP*



I really enjoyed this poem. I love the message!! Thank you for sharing this piece. I hope to read more of your work.






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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Hi There! It is me ~LifeLessons~ *BalloonR*

I am visiting New stories from review a Newbie and came across this piece. I was taken by the title of course and the brief description.


*BalloonV* First Impressions *BalloonV*


I found this story quite interesting and I totally agree that people have this grand idea of what is acceptable in society. They love to point fingers and judge. People are cruel and without knowing facts they laugh. I really felt bad for this character in the story. Depression is a serious illness and needs to be handled with care. It is now the most disturbing mental illness through out the country. Everyone deals with it differently and coping skills are not the same for everyone.

Reading that the character loves to write and prefers to stay out of the lime light of the corporal ladder is not surprising. Staying alone in their space is more comforting that being judged in the public eye.

*PartyHatBl* Overall Thoughts *PartyHatBl*

I believe you wrote a story of truth and feelings that the character wears on his sleeve. You did a great job in getting across a point from inside the characters head. I felt for him and agreed with him on all levels. There is no such thing as a freak flag I believe it would be more of a "being comfortable in your own skin"
Thank you for sharing this story and I hope you enjoy the site and all it has to offer.





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Review of Heat Rises  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Vine2* Hello! ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story!! *Vine2*


*BalloonV*This being the site's fourteenth anniversary I am participating in a few fun activities. Reviewing a few ports are just some of the fun during this celebration. So taking a peek around I found your story.*BalloonV*

*BurstP* What I thought of the title *BurstP*


What really drew me in to read this story was the short description. I didn't relate the title to the sorrowful story told. I am thinking you might want to change this title to something a little more telling of the story. Maybe something that would affect the reader to an emotion to read further.

*BalloonP* My First Impression *BalloonP*



I felt the sadness in this story right away. You tell it in first person which is not easy to follow through with during the whole story. You did a great job of this. As the narrator you had me believing some of the emotions that one would feel during such a traumatic event. Numbing to the core. Questioning one's self would be quite normal I think. When something like this happens so quickly without a notion. We doubt ourselves and what we could have done differently. You brought me from the minute it happened to the final good bye. It was emotional for sure.

*ConfettiP* Suggestions *ConfettiP*


This is only a suggestion and you have no obligation to change a thing. I am only the reader. I liked the way you introduced the story until you explain the breaks went out. I myself would have started the story with him not coming home. The worry and then the news. A few more added details would help the reader to feel more. A little dialogue goes a long way as well. Even the narrator thinking to herself with emotion. I felt the story was told but not enough depth. A few conventions in detail would hold the reader's attention further.


*GiftV* Overall Thoughts *GiftV*



You have the bones of a great structured story line here. I really was pulled into the way the narrator felt. I think if you took a little more time with it and added some detail you would provide a reader with a great fiction full of emotions. Thank you for letting me read and I hope to read more of your work along the way.

Keep Writing












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Review of Love me some me  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Vine2* Hi! ~Lifelessons~ here to review your piece. *Vine2*

My first impression

*Vine2* *Vine2*

I have to say I was caught by the title right away. It sounded like a feel good title and it drew me in to read more.
I loved the pink. *Wink* sorry I had to say that. I saw how short this was so when I read it I was aware that these are powerful words.

My favorite part

*Wink* *Wink*

Remember You gave Yourself, and they gave it back, just say Thank you,

This part speaks volumes to me and I relate. Not for myself but for a friend. It took her a long time to look at herself in the same light. I am sure many will read this and take it to heart. Nice choice of words.

Final Thoughts

*Vine2* *Vine2*


You have a way with speaking to people in general with this piece and it tells me you have a great insight to people's hearts. I hope to read more of what you have to share.
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello ~ LifeLessons ~ here and I am here to review you story of
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*



Strange Happenings In Kaplin Wood
My First Impression

>
>
*Vine2* *Vine2*


> When I started reading this story I had so many memories come flooding back to
> me. Two best friends hanging out in the summer and investigating the beyond. Reminds me of
> Nancy Drew a little. You gave a great visual on the woods and the shadows.
>
> Nearing the woods, Abby admired how the mighty oak trees cast their shadows
> over a field that ran alongside its border. Entering the lighter part of the woods,
> wildflowers grew in abundance here. This is where the girls came to pick a bouquet for
> their mothers. They seemed to bow their welcome as the wind pushed them forward. The tall,
> scented pine tree smell greeted their noses as they whispered, H e l l o.
>
> This was a great paragraph painting a picture of entering their adventure
> which seems plenty safe.
>
> I enjoyed the events as they happened. You had a great dialogue and I love dialogue in a
> story. It makes the reader feel involved with the story. The cabin in the woods with the smoke coming out of the
> chimney would have me heading the other way right there. That is why I refer to Nancy Drew
> because she would of done the same thing, knock on the door.
>
>
My Favorite Part

*Trees* *Trees*

A scraping sound It seemed to be coming from the other room. Due to the fact
> that Herman walked with one foot dragging behind him, this sounded kind of like that in
> Abbys mind. Feeling her legs turn to jelly as the sound kept coming towards her, all the
> stories she heard about Herman flashed through her mind. Frozen in place, she had to use
> all her strength to move forward. When the sound seemed directly behind her, Abby screamed
> for Megan to run. She was about to stumble through the doorway when cold fingers clamped
> down on her shoulder. Terrified, Abby screamed and tripped over the rotted doorframe and
> tumbled down the steps. Mercifully, the hand slipped off her shoulder as she reached the
> ground. Abby wasted no time looking back but got up and sped towards the creek, screaming
> all the way.


This is the beginning of a chilling experience for two young girls. I find the plot of the story takes place at the perfect time of the story. You added suspense very well and not over done. I was taken by surprise and it left me wanting to read on. I couldn't imagine the fright these girls felt at this very moment.

What I enjoyed about your story overall


You held an experience of two friends who share a situation and experience that will be talked about forever. You describe their hike in a way that I could imagine it with great ease. I followed the whole story very well due to the spacing and clear writing. As I said before it reminded me of a bit of a Nancy Drew experience. Well done!

Things To Improve on

>
Although everything read smoothly I did come across this little error.


“We broke out of the woods and onto the dirt road. We didn't stop running until we reached my home.

>
I see you started this sentence in quotations and none at the end. I don't think you meant it to be a speaking sentence. I was confused to the switch of first person when you told the rest of the story in third person. Maybe take a peek and revise this one sentence. Other wise flawless.

Over All thoughts


I really enjoyed this great little story and I think it would be great for an age group of pre teens. Maybe a little series of these two eager sleuths. Thank you so much for sharing.
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Review of The Last Serenade  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Vine1* *Vine1* Hello *Vine1* *Vine1*
I am LifeLessons I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" .

What I like about the title:

*Vine2* *Vine2*


As I was looking through a list of entries to be reviewed I was drawn to this title because of the word Serenade. It speaks of the earth, poetry, romance, a song of peace. I then read the the prompt and knew you nailed it with this title.

My impressions of character:

*Moon* *Moon*


Well first we have Dorothy who I can relate to. She doesn't like the cookie cutter housing that seems to be going up quickly and every where. My brother lives in one of those new sub divisions and everyone sees what the other are eating, doing and who their company is. It drives me crazy. We live in the outskirts of town. Our biggest noise is the train that goes by twice a week. I love the sound of birds and wolves howls. The stars and the moon inspire everything I do. Nothing better than Mother Nature's Serenade!

Ray is man of his own. He knows how to enjoy simple pleasures of building projects and coffee on the deck watching the stars. They seem to be two peas in a pod.

I had to laugh at Bruce and Vicki because we all have a set of those friends that seem to entertain us on their own expense. A little jealousy of Ray and Vicki but never going to admit it. The interaction between the two couples tells me you have probably witnessed this yourself. Interesting couple.

What I enjoyed about this piece:

*Mountains* *Mountains*


This whole story was a relaxing read. I enjoyed the conversation between the two couples. The way you described the area as "God's Little Acre." Very fitting. Finding out that your perfect home in paradise is about to over taken by construction and destruction of everything you love shows how our world has taken over so much natural beauty of the world.
My suggestion on improvement


I thoroughly enjoyed this story and I see why it was noticed for the new letter. Congratulations for that !
The only thing I was concerned with was the length of time spent on the couple visiting and the dialogue kind of dragged away from the point of the story. I would have preferred to read how the couple enjoyed their surroundings in nature. Hiking with description of it's beauty.

*Thought* *Thought*


My overall thoughts

*RainbowL* *RainbowL*


I want to thank you for letting me to take the time to read this inspirational story. Also a reminder of what is taking over our untouched natural beauty. I did enjoy it very much.
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Review of Visiting Sharon  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story for the Anniversary Raid of the power reviewers!!

*BalloonP* *BalloonP* *BalloonP*


My First Impression


I have to say that I really loved this story! You gave quite a detailed visual of the whole scenario and I felt every emotion you wrote. What a situation to have to be in. I couldn't imagine having to face a death of a father that wasn't in your life and deal with a distant sister. You really kept my interest all the way through.

Joan is a girl who has come to terms of the relationship between herself and her father. She seems strong even though she was put through an ordeal that sadly many children have to face. I give her credit for even going.

Sharon is a bit over the top. Her life style seems phony and she is wanting to believe that Joan will be in her life. How can you be sisters if you didn't know them. Awkward for sure.

I love how you describe her car! I could picture it clearly in my mind because it reminds of my friends car..
Two different people with two different understandings of one man. In conclusion Joan decides to leave without further thought. It was closer for her past and hurt. You wrote this well. I was feeling like rooting for her. You go girl! Nice take on the balloons too.

Overall


I really enjoyed this story. I love the drama genre and this was right up my alley. Thanks for sharing.

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Review of Dead Man's Bride  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi! ~LifeLessons~ here and I am here to review your story for the Anniversary Raid!
*GiftR* *GiftR* *GiftR*


Dead Man's Bride

A story of a man who was out for wealth, power and greed. Once he thought he had it all his ghosts come back to haunt him. Great little story here.
He fools the king into thinking he was wealthy, charming, polite and chooses him to marry his only daughter. She is not happy with the decision but has no choice but to follow through with her father's respect.

My suggestions and these are only suggestions that you may want to use or not.

He had for only child and heir a beautiful daughter with golden hair like sunrays, who was betrothed to an incredibly wealthy prince

I couldn't make sense of this sentence "He had for only child
should read ( "He had only one child and the heir to his royalty. His daughter was his pride and joy. Her beauty alone with golden hair that gleamed like glistened sun rays. The King finds it is time to wed his daughter to a suitable prince.

Now I only wanted to show you how the change of small words can make a difference in telling a story.

I believe also you characters should have names.

I hope you revise this somewhat and I would be only glad to re read it again if you choose to do so.

thank you for sharing.
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Review of The Pit  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this piece for the Anniversary Raid!

*BalloonP* *BalloonP* *BalloonP* *BalloonP*


The Pit

After reading this piece I found it quite dark and deep. I don't mean the hole either. You write about the weight of the world on your shoulders and that is okay, we all have them. Sometimes writing about them helps to see the light.

I did enjoy how you describe the falling of papers with a task written on each one until the pile turns to rock. The part that you try and climb your way to the top. I was hoping for a better ending but these are you emotions and I hope that they work out for you.

I totally understand the feelings of others needing you or turning to you for their problems. It gets to be a heavy load on your shoulders. Sometimes we have to learn to say no.
*BalloonG*
No matter how you are feeling you wrote this in a way that was a prose. I really enjoyed which is a good thing. Explaining how you feel in words that more than emotions your describe a place I pictured and imagined so hard to get out of. *BalloonG*

Thank you for sharing this piece!
Keep writing with a smile! *BalloonG*









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Review of The Ukelele  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*CakeP* Hi there! ~LifeLessons~ here! This is a little power raid for Anniversary power reviewers! *CakeP*


I found your short description intriguing. Any mystery is a good one but to find one on your door step would be creepy. So I read on to find out what it was.
A great way to keep an interest for the reader. I was hooked to the story line all the way through to find out why a ukelele would end up on this door step.

Some suggestions and these are only suggestions from a reader's point of view. *BalloonB*

I found the story was told and not felt. The narrator holds a great idea for a mystery but I didn't feel wrapped in the telling of it. I suggest maybe to revise this a little and tweak the emotions of the character. *BalloonB*
Some spacing would make it easier to read as well.
Otherwise an idea of a great story in the works.
Thank you for sharing. *BalloonB*
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
Rated: E | (4.0)
*PartyHatY* Good Evening! ~Lifelessons~ here to review this poem for Power Reviewers Anniversary Raid! *PartyHatY*

This is a poem with deep meaning and great conventions. I read this and felt the emotion that is being told of a woman who lived in desperate and horrible conditions. Hard to believe that they even happened but this poem sends a reminder that it did just that.

I like the idea of the free verse for this piece. The no rhyme scheme allows the poet to speak freely. Being the topic that is written here, I would have chosen the same.









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Review of A hero's story  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* Hi there! ~LifeLessons~ here to review your story for the Anniversary Raid for power reviewers! *CakeB*


A Hero's Story

This is a story of a man who was given a task greater than he could imagine. The fate of his happiness has been taken away during his fight to end war and regain world peace. His losses so severe he could not handle the burden in the end.

You told this story in a great form. I did find it a little quick and would have enjoyed a little more detail. However I love the lesson that was learned and the writing was easy to read.

I would suggest that maybe you should revise this a little to give some true emotion to the character of Alden. To allow the reader to really feel his anguish and despair.

He felt no pain in fact he felt nothing. Alden smiled, finally he was free from it all, the duty that was thrust upon him, the impossible expectations, and the losses he faced. He collapsed to the ground lying beside the last person he ever truly loved.

Closing his eyes and fading into darkness, Alden dreamt of a world full of happiness and laughter. A paradise where peace reined every day and such a thing as violence didn't exist. "Avalon" he whispered with his final breath.

I enjoyed this ending because though it was not a happy ending it tells the emotion that was has left Alden destitute. Taking his own life was the only answer for him to have peace.

Thank you for allowing me to read this story and if you ever want to give it some depth I would love to read it again.
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Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
~Lifelessons~ here to review this piece for the Anniversary Raid reviewers!
*BalloonR*
*BalloonR* *BalloonR*


A Voice To Be Heard

This is a topic that many teens go through. It is a sad thing but the peer pressures sometimes pull us into a place to withdraw. My own confidence was quite low in high school. I really didn't find it until I was older. I assure your friend that it does happen and she will see that hiding her true self is not a benefit.

You use a free verse poetry style here and it speak volumes of feelings. A great friend you are to care so much and this will be quite important for your friend to grow.


What if all this is just a What if all this is just a paradigm,

This line grabbed my attention because I actually had to look up the word paradigm. I have not used it before so didn't know the meaning. Now I do! Thanks for the new word. A good idea would to write this word on the bottom of the poem with the meaning so other readers can clear it up as well.*PartyHatV*


What if they look at me like I don't belong to this land.


This is only a suggestion as a reader and you don't have to use it. I found this line to intrude on the flow of the poem being so long.


maybe: Why do I feel like I don't exist?
something a little shorter.

Otherwise a great poem with a message.*PartyHatV*
Thanks for sharing !
Keep writing.





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Review of The Darkest Month  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Vine2* Hello! ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story for the Anniversary Raid power reviewers!*Vine2*



The Darkest Month


This is a compelling story you have here. So many tragedies in such a short time. You have the main character talking to his or her father throughout. I love this because you express the anger and hurt you feel for his illness. The narrator follows through with details of every moment throughout the beginning to the end.
I have felt these emotions myself and wrote true to them. I felt every minute of panic, anger, fear, and grief.

Even when you go from past to present,from thought to dialogue I was never lost or confused. You did this very well. I found your spacing great and made it very easy for me to read. There were no mistakes that I noticed but I was so into the story I could have missed a couple. Nothing to even worth mentioning.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful but sad story. It has inspired me to write of my own experience.
Keep writing.


*CakeB* *CakeB* *CakeB*







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Review of Reflections  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi! ~LifeLessons~ here to review this story for the Anniversary Raid of power reviewers!
*GiftV* *GiftV* *GiftV*


Reflections


This story is of a woman Mrs. D who has had her fair share of anguish and obstacles. I love stucco houses! They have character. I think we all go through change in our lives and sometimes there is no choice but to let go. You told her life story and in the end describe her worry of not being able to update her home for sale.*GiftT*
You tell this story in a very narrative manner. Your observations. I know you would like to change a few things so I have a couple of suggestions for you.*GiftT*

You have the details of a story that can be told, but you want it to feel. So I would start the story of the stucco home from the beginning.*GiftT*
example. I see this stucco house down the street from me and I can only imagine the great dreams it held. The owners being from another place in time who were young and eager to achieve dreams. I have lived here long enough to see the slow changes of a home of happy dreams to walls that hold grief and hard ship.

This is only a suggestion but with deeper feeling about the house itself.*GiftT*

Thank you for sharing this story and I would love to read it again if you choose to revise it.*GiftT*
Keep writing!

*BalloonP* *BalloonP* *BalloonP*








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