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451
451
Review of Obsession  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title: Your title suits this piece very much. Obsession can mean a lot of things so I had to read it.
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

What I enjoyed about it:I found this piece very emotional and very deep. You use very descriptive words to express your feelings.

The mirror reveals the enigma that is my torment. I gaze, fascinated by the contortion of the face that is my reflection. Who is this stranger revealing the fade that is my pain? Calloused wrinkles wreathed by lines of suffering and horror. Glowering pale green orbs glistening with natural moisture. Squinting with pain. Plump rose petal lips, ensnared by within my unrelenting bite. A snarl forms. Gnawing down, attempting to make this feeling a reality my mind can comprehend. This internal furnace consuming me. How am I to even know this is real?

I have to say this is my favourite paragraph. The mystery of your own torment. Not recognizing yourself even in the mirror. Your deepest emotion of falling tears, and pain. I really picture a person suffering in their own obsession of grief. A very deep and soulful piece.

*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

Things you could improve upon:
The pain; devouring. Consuming. A withering white searing flame of ach within me. Pulsing. Convulsing. Gripping and gashing from within. Unperceivable

I find this a bit cut off. I understand how you want the reader to see it but it feels just like I read it. One word at a time.
Maybe: ToThis pain I have is devouring; consuming a withering white searing flame within me. Pulsing, convulsing and gripping; gashing from within.

Too many descriptive words can lead away from what you want to say. Your emotion is highly stated and noted.

this is purely a little typo: These tear I think you meant tears.



*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

My overall thoughts: This is a great piece at showing your feelings and I enjoyed reading it. A little polishing and it will shine.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*


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452
452
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


{c:rose}my thoughts of the title: Your title confused me a little. Slender Man Retold. Not sure if I still understand it. Roxy's diary however made sense.
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

{c:violet}What I enjoyed about it: This story intrigued me for sure. It gave a detailed story of a girl who went through a very traumatic experience. I could never imagine the fear. Her father being her hero but also a man that took his anger to a whole other level. The dreams or nightmares I would say of her predator coming back into her life is post traumatic for sure. Why she went back to the hospital to find him is beyond me. I like the idea of finding a diary and how you felt as you read through it.
 *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

Things you could improve upon: When writing a diary I don't think there would be too much dialogue. I think you can change this and still get her story written with more of her feelings than the third person. It is about her and her events but the details of what the nurse says and how she was fired doesn't have to be a dialogue conversation.

Yea you can hear the “Until” coming he?
This is a confusing line. I know what you meant by it, but I had to read it twice. Maybe "Yes, I know you are all wondering what is about to happen, so let me tell you."

I was visiting my favorite spot of the forest, the burned down cabin.

I would turn this around also.(maybe) I was visiting this burnt down cabin. A place I consider my favourite spot in the forest to spend time.




*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

My overall thoughts: My final thoughts here are, you wrote a great story with a new spin. The diary told an amazing creepy storyline. I believe if you revise it somewhat, you could tell an even greater story. More emotion on Roxy would be more intriguing.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*
I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" .



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453
453
Review of dragon's eye  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title: I see you have a title about dragons. I like the fantasy of dragons.
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

What I enjoyed about it: Being scratched by something unknown and not allowed in the sun. To be able to turn into an animal could be exciting. Your piercing grey eyes that can pierce a soul, intimidated for sure.
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

Things you could improve upon: I think you need to start you story with more of a hook. I wasn't quite grabbed. I felt I had to re read this twice to grab the story line.

A few spelling mistakes:
dumbledore ( should be capitalized, you do refer it as a name)
wearwolf ( werewolf )
William ( this should be a capital as well)




*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

My overall thoughts: I think this could be a great story if you revise it a little and put some thought into it. Work on your structure of the story and you will see it come together.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*
I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" .



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454
454
Review of The coffee mug  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: What could be involved with a coffee mug?

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive:
This is brilliant. She is half asleep and dreaming it seems. You brought me into a tale of colour, characters of many and a bit of a dream place. Nicely done is such a short piece. The ending was great. You ended it with a handsome lover holding her cup. I wish my mornings started off this great. lol

 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in general
I liked what you did with this. I don't see any mistakes. You created a great visual of how ones mind could take off. Well done.


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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455
455
Review of Don't Judge  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title:

This title suits your opinion essay very well.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive:

You have written something pertaining to judging others. You expressed yourself very well. You sound kind and thoughtful to other's feelings and that is great thing. Nobody deserves to be judged. Sad but true society lives by a judging. When they have their own issues to deal with it is much easier to point out faults on others.

 *ButterflyV*
Things I think You can change

You start you first two sentences with See. You might want to change it up a bit.

I know because people judge me because am mentally handicapped
(You need to put I am)

I also found out standing up
(found by standing up)

You can also break this piece up into three paragraphs. A lot better for the reader to make sense of it. A few words you can change up to get your point through. Just so it does not sound so repetitive.
Although this is a short essay form. You really want it read as that. Maybe take some time with it and look it over. These are little things that with practice will come like second nature.

*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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456
456
Review of A Small Death  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: Another great title.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive: You used very great descriptive words to describe a woman fighting for life.
She lies in sleep, an alabaster veil
of moonlight shimmers with each rise, each fall,
as whispered words slide from her lips, now pale.
She answers to Morpheus's dark call.

This is my favourite stanza! The rise and fall and whispered words and she grows paler by the minute. I could feel her fear and fight against Elysium. Very nicely portrayed and little dark but still enjoyable.

 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in generalI always enjoy your writing !


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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457
457
Review of Paphian Mornings  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: I love the title and could resist to read.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive:
This an amazing poetry piece written for an amazing person in your life. The everyday thrill of being with the same person every day, and not losing the spark. You know your other half to a fine art. Describing her personality like the back of your hand. Her playful manner to take you into her arms. Nice way to start the day.
 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in general: As always you perform your poetry as art. Nice flowing words with a great visual and a sense of great emotion.


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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458
458
Review of Freedom  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: This title can mean many things so I had to take a peak and see for myself.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive: You wrote a great piece of your own thoughts about freedom. You stated very well structural points for your debate. Everyone has their own idea of freedom; this is so true. I believe choices are connected with freedom. Hard work, devotion, and commitment. I define these rather a state of happiness and inner piece of mind. Freedom to choose is very true, but the outcome is a choice anyone can change.

 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in general: I loved this read because it is a point of view. I think you can debate many things about life and does anyone really have the right answer? Maybe not but we all have the freedom of speech. Well done.


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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459
459
Review of Daisy Chains  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: I love this title. I had no idea what I was going to read but it drew me in.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive: This was a well told story of a person in love. Memories and hopes of the future. The promise of a wedding and a halt at the end, left me sad. I was not expecting that. A great twist on the free verse for of poetry.


Stood in the park with you
and you promised to let me take
your picture at sunset
pinks and oranges
turning your skin to gold

This was one my favourite stanzas. The way you portray the lighting and the skin exposed to its hue. Very nice!



 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in general I think you have a talent and you will only shine more as you write more. Enjoy!


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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460
460
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: I came across this from the newbie new stories. A new light sounds like it would be quite inspiring and a new start.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive: I think you have what could be a very good story. You cover a girl that is going through a trauma of sorts.

 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in general I see you have written this as a hook to a story. Your hook should grab the readers eye and lead them to read more. I found this quite vague. You tell the reader that something is happening. Not enough detail to make one want to read on. You need to give the reader a little more information without giving too much away. This a practice that takes time to master. Working on it myself.

After all she had just watched her life come to an end, and in that moment she knew how Lans must have felt as he had been racing through the air because, just like him, she knew that she dead and all she was waiting for now was for the ground to hit her.

You have this as one long run on sentence, which is half of your hook. You really need to cut this down into two separate sentences.

and it was the only logical then left for her to do

I don't really know what you wanted to say here. You might want to revise this so the reader understands what you are trying to portray.

These are all suggestions and not meant to judge your writing.


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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461
461
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: I liked this title, I knew there something here I wanted to read.

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive: You describe a girl coming to terms with the loss of her love. You gave a great descriptive poetic form of her loss.
She closes her eyes, her heart shattering
Now not so sure what to do,
She closes her eyes, still longing
His callused hands against her flesh; smooth
This is my favourite stanza. It really gave me a sense of longing. good job.
I see this is a free verse poem. You did well with it. I didn't feel a flow per say but it was quite enjoyable. I think in free verse I would still want to concentrate on syllables for an even flow of words. Nicely done

 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in general


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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462
462
Review of Sonnet of Snow  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* : *ButterflyV*



What I thought of your title: Well we have enough of snow here !

*BurstP*The positive aspects: You have described snow as a fun, and glorious seasons. I enjoyed the nice flow of imagery. You used descriptive words well to give me a vision of glistening snow.
Like tiny jewels layed in the dim sunlight,
That sparkle and shine to show off and amaze.

These were my favourite lines. It give a magical feel to the snow. You turned into a time of enjoyment rather than a times of misery.

*BurstP*Items of improvement:I see nothing to improve. I know a sonnet is usually formatted as 4 quadrants and two lines in the end. Usually. I would have to agree that I prefer to read it in that format but I know it is not a must.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: Thank you for letting me view your site.

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
463
463
Review of No Time To Scream  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Hi, Lifelessons here:
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1* : *ButterflyV*



What I thought of your title: This caught my eye without a doubt. No time to scream when something so terrifying catches you off guard. You title does justice to your writing here.

*BurstP*The positive aspects:You held a great story line, from descriptive imagery, the beginning middle and end. I know the story could go further but you followed through with the prompt. Excellent.
I liked how you didn't give too much away and kept me interested in reading all the way through. The structure of sentences is great. Breaking up short to longer sentences was used wisely.

*BurstP*Items of improvement: I see no room for improvement. You did a great job with the prompt at hand and told a great suspenseful piece here.

*BurstP*Overall thoughts: Will be sneaking through you port for more great reads.

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*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing
464
464
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* Great Title ! I felt it had to be about something of darkness.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* This piece gave me the shivers. It really gave me an idea of what a person feels like being afraid of the dark. The paranoid feeling that something is out there and will get you. The safety of the morning light, putting him back in his place. Great great imagery here.

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* Nothing to improve here. I like your work. You keep it simple but you make an impact.

My overall thoughts:*Egg7* Keep it up, I am intrigued to see what you have written next.


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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465
465
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* The Forbidden Fruit is a temptation for most.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* This is a great piece of poetry. More of a free form verse. This must have been quite the book you read. It is a poem that lets the readers mind take over. You did a great job with portraying a visual. You didn't over do it and kept it simple enough. Great job.

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* Nothing I see really. I would suggest to take the punctuation out completely, making it a full flow without any pause.

My overall thoughts:*Egg7* Thank you for letting me take a peek in your port. So far I have enjoyed it very much.


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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466
466
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title:Everyone loves a fairy tale. You tell a story in the title alone.
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

What I enjoyed about it: I enjoyed this fairy tale of a princess falling into a deep sleep. Her prince eagerly waiting for her to wake up. The regret of touching the spindle and the doubt of slumber so long. The ending was very nice. This is a very nice piece of poetry for any little girl to love.
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

Things you could improve upon:: My only suggestions would be this. Because it is more of a story told through poetry, and not quite a free form. I would suggest using punctuation. I see you have ended each stanza with a period.
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*
Sadness has filled the kingdoms atmosphere,




as Aurora drowns in a deep sleep sea,




but now Prince Phillip comes to set her free;




true loves kiss will make the curse disappear.
If you read it again you feel yourself flowing through it.


My overall thoughts: I think this an awesome poem. I enjoyed it very much.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*




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467
467
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* A question all little ones should want to know, and who better to ask than papa.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* : I love everything about this. I love that you tuck her in and answer her question with no doubt. Assuring her that Angels are at flight even during the night.

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* : Nothing to improve here sir. You're grand daughter is very blessed to have a grandfather who is wise and a writer, and shares his love with such beautiful words.

My overall thoughts:*Egg7* : I was touched by this poem because I really pictured you on the edge of the bed tucking her in with a whisper, telling her this great story.


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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468
468
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title:Love the title.
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

What I enjoyed about it:This is a great free verse poem. To face fears and face the world. Nicely said. Something we should live by. I enjoyed this piece
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

Things you could improve upon:I don't see anything to improve. A free verse poem has little rules. You did what you wanted and it had a nice flow
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

My overall thoughts:I think you have a talent here and with constant practice and taking great advice you will further your talent.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*




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469
469
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title: I think your title doesn't quite revolve around this piece. Maybe Love is just like us.
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

What I enjoyed about it:I like what you are trying to say here. People move quickly, and don't treat themselves with respect and truth.
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

Things you could improve upon:I am not sure if I see this as a poem or not. It seems like a paragraph. You have used punctuation but did not follow it through. You need periods at the end of sentences. You did use a period in a sentence. (. in) in should be capitalized.
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

My overall thoughts: I would see this as a personal thought more than a poem. Still a nice piece of writing. With some revising you can polish it up.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*




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470
470
Review of my world  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I am Lifelessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across your piece.*ButterflyV*


my thoughts of the title: We all have our world.
*Vine2**Vine2**Vine2*

What I enjoyed about it:This was a short and sweet poem. You gave a nice flow of words. People do need to stand up for themselves and sometimes ignore others opinions.
*Vine1* *Vine1* *Vine1*

Things you could improve upon:Don't measure the treasure as the thought are free ( you are using are here, maybe change it to as the thought is free or change thought to thoughts, making it plural.
*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

My overall thoughts: A nice little poem, You have a talent here and you can only heighten with more writing.

*Vine2* *Vine2* *Vine2*

Keep Shining *Sun*




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471
471
Review of Sense  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* : I love this piece ! I love the title! We all live around senses.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* : I liked everything about it. The portraying of senses in such a poetic way. I read a beautiful flow of words here and the form is great!

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* : I do not see any room for improvement here. You did a great job!!

My overall thoughts:*Egg7* Nice three pieces that have read through your port ! This is a review raid for the Newbies Reviewing! Thank you for sharing your work.


*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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472
472
Review of Off-White Pearls  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading*Hello, it's just me LifeLessons. Doing some reviewing and came across this piece.

*MailR* Title: I love the title! I love pearls.


*DropV* What I liked: This is a great little piece of a love gone wrong. It happens. I liked your flow here and it was simple but told a great story.


*DropP* Things I think you can improve: The only suggestion I have is maybe look at your punctuation. It seems scattered.

*DropB*Final thoughts: This is a great little piece that I enjoyed

*Sun* Keep writing and enjoy !

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473
473
Review of Love & Chocolate  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi LifeLessons here!

Here to give a review and I hope you don't think of this as nit picking. Only giving structural advice.

 *FlowerP*
What I liked about the title: Who would not want to read this. Love and Chocolate..mm

 *ButterflyR*
What I found that was positive: Everything I have read is amazing! You were very visual. I wanted to go back to bed. You made it seem so blissful. You imagery is very good. Great choices of words and not over the top. You kept my interest all the way through. I was quite impressed.

 *ButterflyV*
My thoughts in general Overall, great little story. You have a talent without a doubt. Thanks for sharing.


*Sun*Keep shining ! Don't stop writing!

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474
474
Review of Rain  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, Happy Spring!
This is LifeLessons and I am doing some reviewing and came across this piece.: *Vine2* : *Vine2* : *Vine2* :

About the title: *Egg7* There is a lot to say about rain.

What liked about this piece: *Egg7* This is great descriptive short story on rain. You did a great job of turning rain into a situation. A play by play accident that could have been fatal. Great job.

Thing I believe you could improve: *Egg7* These are only my suggestions.

She pulled the collar of her coat tighter to her neck to stop the rain from sneaking its way down her neck, while her drenched hat clung to her sopping hair
This is quite a long sentence with the repeating word "neck". I would change this to (She pulled the collar of her coat tight against her to stop the rain from trickling down the nape of her neck.")
 Soon it was just her alone on the sidewalk, alone on the street battling against the wind, the rain and that unseeing hand that swoops down and plays havoc with our lives.
( this is also a run on sentence. Maybe add a semi colon in there for breathing room. the wind, and the unforeseen hand that swoops down and plays havoc with our lives.)

My overall thoughts:*Egg7*
Remember these are only suggestions. It is a great piece. A little revising and it could be that much greater.

*Sun*
Keep shining through your writing!!


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475
475
Review of Unexpected Lover  
Review by ~Lifelessons~
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading*Hello, it's me LifeLessons. Doing some reviewing and came across this piece.

*MailR* Title: I really thought the story would be different. I didn't relate the story to the title.


*DropV* What I liked: This is a great little piece here. You really captured the hurt and fear of someone leaving. The anticipation and grief. Well said.


*DropP* Things I think you can improve: to should be too. ( make sure you space your sentences for easier reading.) (I would change the title to something that relates to the hurt)

*DropB*Final thoughts: These are only suggestions. I think you have a great feel for portraying feelings. You could make it longer if you wanted to. Some dialogue. I understand though it was from her point of view only. good job

*Sun* Keep writing and enjoy !

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