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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mamatwyls
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Review by twyls
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I'm reviewing your piece, "A Random Act of Kindness". A military veteran who lost his legs is applying to get a second replacement leg. After a random act of kindness by a stranger results in unexpected consequences, the discouraged man does his own kind act and is rewarded by another strange twist of fate.

I liked...

I haven't finished it, yet, but my husband's favorite book is Catch-22. The humor in this short story reminds me of Heller's writing, showcasing the almost hopeless, always absurd gallows humor of being in the military. I never got lost following along. I caught myself chuckling aloud at least twice and had a grin for most of the story. The subject matter is not funny, the situtation is not funny, but the writing is hilarious and I genuinely enjoyed this story!

I Humbly Suggest...
A few tiny things. The intro has a typo ("chan": probably supposed to be "chain", though possibly "change"). In the eighth paragraph, the one that begins, "It took Joe all the way to the bottom of the stairwell..." the first sentence runs a little long for me. This seems to be your weakest sentence. I suggest cutting it in two. Personally, I think the tap dance phrase isn't strong. If you want to keep it, maybe shift it to the front of the sentence. Something like, "He hadn't been able to tap dance since he met a twenty-inch artillery shell." (Or play with the idea of dancing? "...since a twenty-inch artillery shell had filled his dance card on the battle field." I dunno.)

I rated this...
5 stars because I would have no problem coming across this in a magazine or short story anthology and accepting it as deserving of print. The humor is spot on, the story is vaguely futuristic while being utterly timeless. The characters feel true-to-life, even the exhausted beyond caring doctor (who is definitely exactly like some doctors I've met irl). There is the one intro typo. Even the sentence I deemed the weakest isn't horrendous by any means. It only stood out because the tap dancing seemed a little cliche. You do such a good job with alternating sentence length that I didn't notice it was a bit long until I re-read it a few times. I would definitely read more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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