Overall Thoughts
You have a great story here. Once again pulling your readers into it and making them feel everything your main character is feeling.
Spelling and Grammatical Errors
...halted at the end of Baker’s street. I believe this should be "Bakers Street", if it is a street name.
Other Suggestions and Comments
I hope you have enjoyed this port raid. I am glad I had the opportunity to read your stories. I've enjoyed reading your work and review it. I hope these reviews have been helpful and encouraging.
Overall Thoughts
I love this story. You have written it so that your readers get pulled into the story. The way you have described everything and the senses (sight, sound, smell) are wonderful.
Spelling and Grammatical Errors
None that I found.
Other Suggestions and Comments
One of my favorite things was when Steve was ordering the snow cones and the man spoke to him. The way you had the words written were perfect for a Jamaican accent. Well done. I have enjoyed reading and reviewing your work. I hope this review has been helpful.
Overall Thoughts
A great tale of simple, yet powerful, rebellion. The tone and wording is very appropriate for the time it is set in. Very well done.
Spelling and Grammatical Errors
None that I found.
Other Suggestions and Comments
I love this story. I am in awe of your work every time I read another bit of it. Great story-telling abilities. I have enjoyed reading and reviewing your work. I hope this review has been helpful.
Overall Thoughts
This is a short piece. Even though it may seem simple, it is very original and, upon reflection on it, can inspire some very great thoughts!
Spelling & Grammatical Errors Found
None that I noticed.
Other suggestions & comments
I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this piece. I will return to your port again, I'm sure, since this piece really jumped out at me. It's something I will probably quote sometime in the future! Very good job! I hope this review is helpful. Keep on writing!
Overall Thoughts
The twist on the end is amazing. My mouth literally fell open. Well done!
Spelling & Grammatical Errors Found ...staring in to the sun
I believe this should be ...staring into the sun
Other suggestions & comments
This is a sad and very touching poem. You may want to consider, though, putting a rating of ASR on it. Just my humble opinion. Keep writing and improving your skills. I have enjoyed reviewing this piece and I hope this review is helpful.
Overall Thoughts
A very well-written, touching poem.
Spelling & Grammatical Errors Found
None that I noticed.
Other suggestions & comments
I love the way you have written this piece. It may get more reviews if it were placed under "Gothic" as well, as it does have a bit of Gothic flair to it.
It's dark, yet beautiful.
Keep writing and improving your skills. I have enjoyed reading and reviewing this piece and I hope this review is helpful.
Overall Thoughts
I like the originality of this piece and how if you read only the first word of each verse it is a sentence of its own.
Spelling & Grammatical Errors Found
You may want to consider editing the capitalized letters into only bold letters. Just type {b}text here{/b} to do this.
Other suggestions & comments
Keep writing and improving your skills. I have enjoyed reading & reviewing this piece and I hope this review is helpful.
Overall Thoughts
Could be a great story, once put together. Would be well done if aimed toward Young Adult readers, in my opinion.
Spelling & Grammatical Errors Found
Not really an issue here since it's an outline, but I didn't notice any.
Other suggestions & comments
Firstly, you may want to consider changing the twins' names. Mattie and Maddie get a little confusing for the reader. Rhyming names are a good idea, as many people do that when they have twins. Something like Stephanie and Bethany... you get the idea.
As for having your characters in college, they seem a little too young for that. The twins are only 16, so either having them be in high school or making them older, 18 or 19 perhaps, if they must be in college.
When you go to writing this, be sure you know where you are going to have the plot go. Consider writing the outline for your last chapter before you start writing the first chapter, that way you know for sure where everything is going. If you want the story to focus on the twins, that's fine. Don't force yourself to write about the other characters. You can give the "extra" characters enough depth when they are talking with your main characters for the reader to identify with them and understand their personality and such.
Keep writing and improving your skills. I have enjoyed reviewing this piece and I hope this review is helpful.
Overall Thoughts
This has the possibility of being a great story. I like the ideas presented with this piece.
Spelling & Grammatical Errors Found ...could be sure of that, the first week was all fine and good- but the whole thing went...
May I suggest: ...could be sure of that. The first week was all fine and good, but the whole thing went...
This would make the sentence less run-on and it would read easier.
But I was reluctant, unable or unwilling to give in so easily.
This would read better if it were to have a comma after unwilling.
...revealed nothing you couldn't already sense.
You've got an extra space between 'couldn't' and 'already'.
Other suggestions & comments
Keep up the good work. I have enjoyed reading & reviewing this piece and hope that the review has been helpful.
Very good story so far. I love what I have read! I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I did notice a few typos and one sentence that may need a bit more thought: That Might explain...
Might doesn't need to be capitalized here.
He didn’t waste his time by talking o me.
'to' is missing the t. I could feel my face heating up and my hands shook.
I think this would be better as either "I could feel my face heating up and my hands shaking." or "I felt my face heating up and my hands shaking." Something of that nature... to where the part about her face heating up and hands shaking are both in the same tense. You've been using present tense throughout the story so far.
Very well done. Enjoyable read for those of us, like me, who enjoy a bit of darkness in their reading occasionally.
I didn't see any spelling errors or grammatical ones. The only thing I can suggest is:
He shakes me then unsnaps me.
I feel that there should be a comma or something in this. I'm not sure what it is, but maybe if you re-read the verse, you will know what I mean.
Very nice poem! I really relate to it. I write poetry (sometimes) and short stories occasionally. I am currently working on a novel. Anyway, it made me think of how I feel when I sit down to write (or type) and the thoughts and ideas are there, but they just don't seem to want to come out.
Then at the end, there is that relief, when it finally all comes together. Like I said, very nice.
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Spelling & Grammatical Errors Found 
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