*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marktwain
Review Requests: OFF
42 Public Reviews Given
45 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Flight  
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: E | (3.5)
grammar - "Flight is a funny thing, isn't it?" Dameon said a faraway look in his eyes. - You need a comma or a semi-colon after "said". I suggest, "Flight is a funny thing, isn't it?" said Dameon, a faraway look in his eyes.

"It's not always true. Last time was on a plane-" He paused, the plane trembled again. - I think you meant, "It's not always true. Last time I was on a plane-" You can also substitute a semi-colon for the comma after paused.

plot - The ghost of a terrorist haunting a plane? Pretty interesting and original. No problems with consistency of events, although, I was confused about the flight attendants hand passing through Dameon. I didn't even catch it until I re-read the story, and THEN I was like, "OH! He's a ghost!". Either that or the boy's over-active imagination.

characterization - I didn't find the characters too believable. Emotion was there, even when it's not. Like the emotions of the little boy. My favorite kind of emotion, that lies deep within the character. He doesn't have to wear it on his face, like a mask. It's internal, under his surface. You can sense it when he talks about his parents. No, the problem in believability came about when I was reading the dialogue between the two characters. It seemed forced. Unnatural. Unfortunately, you understand these characters better then anyone else, so YOU are the only one who can solve this problem. I'm not saying you need to make them funny or add color, 'cause these characters aren't like that. You DO need to smooth it out, and clearly show us where the two characters stand. The boy is supposed to be uninterested in Dameon, but then he starts asking questions. All of a sudden, he seemed like someone other than the uninterested boy who keeps his defenses up. He suddenly seemed like a different character.

overall - You can take out all the questions, "Is he a terrorist?", 'cause we, the readers, are already asking ourselves that question, and with me already asking myself and then having to read it off the paper, it made me think there was an echo in my head. If you wanted to convey the boy's thoughts by asking that question, then you MAY want to keep it. But, the readers will probably assume that the boy thinks he is a terrorist anyway. But, if it's just for the reader, get rid of it. Now, I'm no professional critic and this is just my opinion, so remember to take this lightly, 'cause I sure as hell will. Hope this helps, keep writing, and good luck.
2
2
Review of Memories Unmade  
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I like the concept, 'cause I often think of "What if's..." myself. I don't know much about poetry, but I know what I like. Too bad this ain't it. Just playin'. I actually want to read the story, based on this poem. I recommend any poetry readers check out this particular work, and I command everyone to check out Powell's myspace page. Do it. Do it! Don't make me hypnotize you. Just go do it. Do it. Do i... Hey are you still reading this!?
3
3
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
A little creepy, yes. A little shocking, indeed. Full of emotion, if you say so. Straight from hell, I don't think so! You want hell, you check my portfolio. The description got me all worked up and after I read it, I was like, "Huh? What was he talking about?" Just tell us what it is, a dainty, little poem.
4
4
Review of EMPTY GLASS  
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the foreshadowing (how the man left the back door open for anyone who might try to steal from him) I didn't catch it until I went back through it. This was a very original piece, and you could turn the idea into an entire story. This could be the prologue and then you could go into a story about a burglar who has to escape. The line between hero and villain would be blurred due to the fact that they are both bad guys. It would be a really interesting read, that I don't think anyone has done before. Great work and keep writing.
5
5
Review of Spook  
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The only thing that disappointed me, besides the grammatical errors, was the fact that you didn't continue the story. I'm currently working on a secret agent/spy type thriller, myself, and I like how this one starts. The only thing you need to do is change the grammatical errors, work on the sentence structure, and... oh yea.. KEEP WRITING! 'Cause right now, you got something going here. Good luck.
6
6
Review of Just Numb  
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I'm confused. Is this by Jack Necron or AJ Peaslee? Both perhaps??? Anyway, WHOEVER wrote this did a great job if it took less than ten minutes. :) (the grammar and sentence structure was horrible) Besides that, it was an excellent read. Reminiscent of a "Sin City" screenplay or something. For a reader and writer such as myself, one who wants to skip straight to the action and suspense, I really enjoyed the entire story. I would recommend it to anyone who likes quick reads with action. I really hope the author of this piece of work goes back and tidies it up a bit and hopefully adds to this potentially good story.
7
7
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a rather creative piece that I rather enjoyed. I'm not a poetry writer so I appreciate those who are skilled in such a craft. I would recommend this little haiku to anyone looking for a nice piece of poetry or to anyone looking for an example of how a haiku should be written. Excellent work.
8
8
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The title of this story definitely threw me off. The old saying holds true, never judge a book by it's cover. The whole story I'm sitting here looking for a wolf, but the ending was no disappointment. The building of suspense as the main character closed in on the house was very effective( affective?) as well. Excellent piece of work and I would recommend to everyone that they take some time to read this. If you have already put the rest of the story in your porfolio, I suggest they go on to read that as well. I'm about to do the same myself.
9
9
Review of Love Potion  
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I like this story for the fact that you saved the twist until the very end. The perspective helped as well. You watched the story unfold through the young girl’s eyes and it gave you a sense of being in the moment. The fact that the girl was unsure of the affects of the potion really builds suspense in the story, as well. An overall solid piece of work.
10
10
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the choice of words used in this poem. They show progression throughout the entire piece and didn’t make it seem repetitive, which most poems often have a problem of doing. I would recommend this poem to anyone looking for a good example of how poetry should be written.
11
11
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I like the originality. Not all vampires have to be the same, and you took the concept to another level. I also appreciate how you built up to a twist in the plot. It's difficult to write a story in less than 120 words, even a short story should take three times as much, but you pulled it off.
12
12
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The subject matter is very original. I enjoy the first person perspective as well. It makes it easier to envision the whole scenario. The descriptions of the settings you used, really gave me a picture of what the main character was seeing. I would recommend this to anyone looking for a psychological read because it really challenges the reader and messes with your head.
13
13
Review of The Air Marshal  
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
A very suspensful read. The choice of words made it easy to relate to how the characters felt. I enjoyed some of the unique metaphors you used in describing the settings, like the bathroom. The story takes leaps, yet seems real and believable. I would recommend this to anyone looking for a quick and suspensful read.
14
14
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Such dark and twisted humor! I guess you DON’T mind a little blood. Thank you for recommending this story, because I skipped over it before, and now I regret it. I can’t read anything without action or suspense, but the way you played with the words you used. Brilliant! I have trouble conveying how my characters feel in my stories, but the only thing that kept me going was how you did it in yours. I need to learn and master this trait. I rely too heavily on plot twists and continuous movement, and I, all to often, forget to portray the characters as what they are, human. And humans are a mess of feelings and emotions. I loved this story and I could read it again and again. I recommend this to anyone whose humor is as dark and as twisted as yours or mine. You were born for this.
15
15
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
That’s quite a story. I have nothing negative to say, which really puts a damper on critiquing. I noticed that you misspelled thinking in the story, but when I went back to find it, I couldn’t, and as much as I enjoyed it, I don’t have time to read the whole thing again. I know that doesn’t help much. Cool story, though. Very thought provoking and original. I wish I had something that would make it better, but I don’t. Based on what I read I would like to read some more of your writing though, and I would recommend this story to anyone looking for a suspenseful read. Great job!
16
16
Review of Guardians  
Review by Britt Reid
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the concept, and I would like to see how this whole story plays out. The entire idea sounds very original. Oddly enough, I wrote a story about angels myself, entitled “Hell”, which can be found in my portfolio. I only included half of the story however, and it doesn’t even get to the angels. Funny thing is, I was going to name one my angels Rachel, after the guardian angel Raphael. I decided to change him to a female after I realized the story was lacking in strong, positive, female characters. Then I decided to make it more exotic by changing the name to Raquel. I would love to review and critique your story once you finish. Hopefully you’ll read through mine as well, and give me some serious criticism. Everyone so far has enjoyed the story and has not given me much to work with. Positive criticism isn’t very motivating. I enjoy reading a review that makes me say, “OK, I got a lot of work to do, and I can’t wait to do it.” I hope to see more of your story soon, and good luck.
16 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marktwain