Well. WOW! There's that. I am not close to a reviewer. But I will comment on how it made me feel as a fellow being. First couple of paragraphs I did not feel a genuine invitation to hear or share in your thoughts. I continued to read with doubt and dreading the journey but then I began to see an inner struggle and I questioned was it the whiskey? Was it Youth? Was it self-identity denied? Was there a thirst for more? For Life itself? Was it resentment or complacency that this is all there is? Was the intent to emote or evoke a position, a decision for the reader or in the reader?
Yes, there are grammatical errors, and I personally would have structured it a bit differently. I did, however, find myself pondering both sides of that coin.
I thought this was a really interesting story beginning, but I would need more. Highly unlikely doctors and the MEN IN BLACK would simply take no for an answer and let him go his merry way. Also, would like more on his experience of trying to fit into the NOW and the entrance of the woman (she wasn't just like him, what was her back story? and not likely to take years to skip over him not aging) and not just that she can become immortal as well. His ship was destroyed. If she has to go into the cave, how do they get there. And does she really shrug off immortally because she looks forward to dying? For me, this is a short story that creates more questions.
love the content. I like the rhythm and rhyme. One line I would have changed to maintain the bounce (in the natural), but the Good Lord thought it absolutely perfect and that is all that matters.
Oh, how I can relate to this and yet you are kind with your words in describing the crippling, degenerative nightmare that is RA. Writing is a saving grace when one's hands aren't swollen and otherwise too stiff to manage a pen or a keyboard. My words are complaining ones, but I am grateful to have such an artform to embrace and oh the journeys I have.
Oh wow. Proof you don't have to be longwinded to tell a lifetime's story. You had me there on the land and in the home and in the barn. You had me feeling the loss and the love and the peaceful surrender to what once was. I thought you did a great job. Really short stories more often leave me with too many questions.... not this time.
WELL! Alrighty then. To be lost was certainly not worth Laudon's solution. It was a short story with a lot of punch to it. I thought the imagery fantastic. It was as if I could feel the drool of Nameless's black liquid. This realm of the lost will definitely make me rethink any dark thoughts I might have in the future. Great job.
Okay, so I am brand new to this. This snippet has me confused yet intrigued. I found myself looking towards the door expecting Maggie and what would happen next. But not sure if I am supposed to believe Ryan slept the night away. How much time actually passed? if this is submitted in installments you've got me curious.
I cannot begin to say that I understand what that journey is truly like. Yes, I have had close friends and family members that have traveled that road, some successfully and others not so. I can say that I have seen the rise and fall of the experience that they go through even when not understanding themselves the turmoil but clearly their means of trying to cope. I have witnessed some welcome the recovery while others seem to welcome the finality. And because I am on the outside looking in, I cannot begin to grasp the spiral that swivels with a G-force unfathomable. But then how do you capture with mere words such an unconscionable monster?
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/marrikasala
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 1:22pm on May 04, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
