This is a good slice of life story that has a enticing intimate feel to it. It feels like a character study; at least that of the character's interaction with the sea. I definitely appreciated the background given to the main character along with the excellent descriptions of the environment. There are a few grammatical quirks that don't take away from the narrative. Overall this is a well told story showing the close relationship between the main character and the ocean.
Given the constraints of the flash challenge; this is a very good entry. Paige is a rather interesting central character and the world in which she inhabits is a bleak parable; it reminds me of the ideas found within fine dystopian stories. A bit more description and world-building would be great but not entirely necessary. The story is concise and to the point. This story is certainly good for a quick read.
This certainly has the beginnings of an interesting mystery/horror story with a decent set-up and somewhat engaging characters. Unfortunately this does have the feeling of a first draft. There are a lot of spelling and grammatical errors which sadly distract from a compelling concept. The dialogue also feels a bit contrived as well; it doesn't quite flow that well. However, as it feels like a first draft, none of these problems can't be fixed with just a bit of revision. This certainly could be a sharp short story with the next version of the tale.
This is a fine and engaging story with an adorable twist. The dialogue can be a little choppy at times but it doesn't distract from the overall narrative which is both interesting and heartwarming. Upon this review and knowing the twist ending; the story actually gets better with repeated viewings. Both characters are rather well fleshed out and the action isn't too rushed. The main character is sympathetic and Denise is fascinating. This isn't a perfect story but it is rather close.
This is a very clever and humorous story. I liked the twist at the end with the monopoly money and the ex-girlfriend. The dialogue did not feel entirely realistic but the story is very concise which is a good thing. The descriptions are rather on the short side where the reader is required to fill in the atmosphere oneself but in this case that is not really a bad thing. I think this is a good very short story which is both amusing and good for a moment's smile.
This is a very curious and insightful perspective of womanhood and its inherent psychological profile as well as its societal place. It is a viewpoint colored by relativity seeming to deny permanency in culture. Some of the ideas in this manifesto seem to be not entirely developed. The first paragraph seems good as is; focusing on the idea of sleep as a form of death. This isn't entirely original but the first paragraph is a succinct and creative view of this thought. The other paragraphs are a bit disjointed and wander about a bit and don't seem as connected to the initial paragraph. The second paragraph speaks to the inherent unpredictability of culture and the apparent insanity of the attempt to make sense of it. It switches from the individual viewpoint of the author (not mine to control) over to the insanity of one attempting to make sense of culture as it is impermanent and ever-changing. This may be true but seems to me to be a bit of a logical leap. Philosophically this does seem to be well thought out, simply needs a bit more development from my view. The third paragraph is a commentary on femininity and its dualistic nature. This also appears to have come from a clear-eyed analysis of culture as it stands. I feel this could have been developed (more details and examples of women balancing structure and chaos would be great). The final paragraph concerns the nihilistic vastness of the universe (at least that is the impression). It seems to imply that all actions taken in a small corner of the universe are meaningless. This may be true but the sentences and ideas could flow together a bit better. Neurosis appears to be the uniting principle but some of the statements don't seem to connect together as strongly as they could. That said, the song quote (Sweet Dreams) at the end is a nice touch. Additionally there are a few grammatical and spelling errors but they don't subtract from the overall narrative. This work does provoke thought and overall is a rather cogent description of the insanity of society as demonstrated in particular in women. This is a good commentary and I feel with the addition a few more strengthening examples this would be an even better work.
This is a very interesting poem. What I find especially intriguing is the use of opposites in an especially creative way. From the very first sentence, 'she's deeper than your shallow,' the poem surprises as the expected comparison is turned on its head (best better than worst essentially). The structure of the poem is also fascinating; the 5-3-2 structure with the first five sentences starting with 'she' and the next three with 'her'. I'm not sure from what perspective the poem is from but I guess that is part of the charm of this poem; it could be from anyone who has the displeasure of knowing this person. Overall, this poem is essentially without any flaws; it could be a bit longer with more ways displaying her arrogance but this is a very good description of arrogance personified.
This definitely is an interesting story with a fascinating underlying concept. That being said, the story felt a bit rushed and disjointed with not quite enough time for your main character, Robin, to breathe. There were instances where there seemed to be a bit too much of telling as opposed to showing. For example, the description of the forest felt a bit too brief and a few more details about the village would be great as well. Additionally, the concept of reincarnation and previous lives is barely touched so far, I assume that more details are forthcoming. However, I am very intrigued by this story and want to know more about the world that you are building. Please continue as this is a good start!
This was a good haunting story; very well set up. I felt sorry for the main character especially at the end when it was revealed what had happened. The ending was a bit of a surprise and the time jumps were overall pretty well managed but slightly confusing especially in the last paragraph. Overall I was intrigued by this story.
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