Content
A well thought out poem that shows the emotions of a person that is wondering about love and all that comes with it.
Overall Impression
Great job, I really enjoyed reading it, it reminded me of a slow song that you would dance to with a lover. I enjoyed the repeated verses.
Grammar Please remember that anything I say here does not need to be changed unless you want it to be!
I didn't see anything really wrong but grammar is my weak point so I'm not sure either! I liked the poem though.
Suggestions Again, you do not have to take any of these suggestions into play unless you really want to!
None, good job!
Additional Comments
A few lines really stuck out to me as being excellent, for instance: Damn those sweet nothings.
I found this very powerful, and very convincing.
Overall this was a good poem, keep up the good writing! I hope to see more!
Content
A lovely descriptive piece that says of a simple time in a moment that can be expanded on to describe something spectacular that we just have to take the time to look at.
Overall Impression
Very well done! By italicising it you've created a more personal way of making it delicate like the Cherry Blossom Tree that you are describing in it.
Grammar Please remember that anything I say here does not need to be changed unless you want it to be!
Everything seemed very good and under control here! Short and Sweet!
Suggestions Again, you do not have to take any of these suggestions into play unless you really want to!
I'd really love to see you expand on this or do more of these as you write them well, with lots of in depth description that really shows the reader what you are thinking about.
I think you've done a wonderful job making this piece your own and you defeniately deserve a full rating!
Content
This is a beautiful story about a young boy who feels lost and lonely while his father is away to war. As he is walking he wanders off into the woods with the hope of 'never being found again'... most children do this at some point in their lives. I know that I have wandered into the woods before, hoping to somehow become lost.
Overall Impression
This was very well written, your characters were well formed and convincing. I also loved how you wrote in such a child's vision.
Characters
I just loved Tommy! He seemed so much like a little boy I know, and he was very convincing. The way you described him walking, and how he felt about his father being away to war were very realistic.
Grammar Please remember that anything I say here does not need to be changed unless you want it to be!
Perfect, I've read your writing before and Grammar is something you obviously excell in as there was absolutely nothing wrong with this. You have a way of tying words together so that the story flows along beautifully.
Additional Comments
I love the name 'spot' as it's such a childish name that really fit Tommy's voice and character... plus it is the name of my kitty! Excellent story Kiya, I'm sorry I don't have any CC for you but this story was wonderful that I don't think it should be changed anyway!
This review was requested for you in "Invalid Item" by you! Great job!
Keep Writing,
Megz
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Overall
Your acrostic is very well done! I really like the whole feel for this and your description that you put into it.
Grammar
From what I can see, the grammar in this is done very well and there's no corrections that need to be made. You have written this poem so that it pulls the reader in and is done well in the grammatical area (which always helps for reading!)
Suggestions
Well, what to say. I really enjoyed your poem and I don't think there is anything that I would really ask for you to change.
Additional
There are a few things I'd like to point out to you about your poem. Things like a certain line that I really liked:
Daily companionable silence
I really liked this line, for some reason I thought it showed a strong point in the poem.
I'm giving you five 's for your work on this poem! It was very well done and I really enjoyed reading.
Keep up the great work,
Megz
This review was requested for you by jessiegirl and is from the BCEC reviewer Forum!
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This shows me so much more about your local centaurs!
I really liked your story, and could see everything playing out in my mind. The way you described the centaurs was beautiful and I could really see you walking around in the night.
You described the feeling of being in the dark well too, because when I'm out in the dark I get that tingling feeling like I'm either being watched or am just being plain foolish.
I liked how you tied in that you sensed the creatures, I think it really tied the story together.
Grammar was good, no suggestions! I saw stampy last night be the way! <giggle> I told him about the centaurs.
This so short but you wrote it beautifully.You showed the love between them perfectly, and with little descpription witch I think suited the story great. I loved the interaction between the eyes.
I think that this is, although short, one of my favourite pieces of short story that I've read because it shows a deep love where two people can't live without one another.
I think the reason that I like this poem so much is because the emotion that is in it... perhaps I'm totally wrong but I think that it's very deep and meaningful. I especially liked this part:
Escape is the only hope
for my sanity.
I like this line because I can visualize someone running away in a dark field. This poem gives me an all around feel of someone running from themselves and the way it's written fits the story behind it as well. Perhaps this isn't what you wanted to reader to see but if not... it's still wonderfully done!
I really enjoyed reading your poem, keep writing! Great job!
This caught my attention because of the word 'guitar' as I play the guitar as well. It's always been a fasination of mine and the way you describe this boy's love of it is wonderful!
I especially love the last line, how you describe him as a ocean, is magnificient because it shows the depth that he is feeling.
I don't see any grammar problems with this story, and I think you wrote the description wonderfully!
Great job, and keep writing!
Megz
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