How are you? This is a wonderful, festive piece of poetry that I really enjoyed reading. It was clever, witty and surprising. It really has the christmas spirit in it and I enjoyed the parody. I think this is a great piece, that is very much something you would read to your children, or to your younger siblings before they go to bed at night.
This has me in the christmas mood, thank you!
I didn't notice any grammatical errors in this either, I expected none anyway, I have read a lot of your things and they're always very well done!
Content
An interesting and powerful piece about the struggles in a charracters life.
Overall Impression
Very well done, it shows your true depth as a writer because of all the raw emotions you are able to portray. You have the ability to really pull a reader into yo ur story and make them believe and wait for every single thing that's happening, I found myself pictureing as if I was walking through this event. Characters
Very well portrayed although a little more background could be nice. Other than that it was great.
Grammar Please remember that anything I say here does not need to be changed unless you want it to be!
I do suggest you find osmeone to help you with comma use and other things but other than that it was very well done! Good Job!
Suggestions Again, you do not have to take any of these suggestions into play unless you really want to!
Keep writing, you're doing a great job and I think if you keep it up you're goign to be really successful on this site!
Additional Comments
I'm sorry for the delay in your review from "Invalid Item" and I really am looking forward to getting to your other piece. Keep up the great work, I enjoyed this!
Your friend,
Megz
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Wow! First of all this has such vivid description, and that really makes this story come alive! I appreciate being able to read something that really captures the readers attention.
I like the title, however I do think you should capitalise it! Instead of inspired it should be Inspired... just makes it so it draws in more for the reader... does that make sense?
A few other suggestions; Your seventh and eighth paragraphs are run togethor, so you should seperate them to make it more of a pattern, it distracted me.
Other than that I saw nothing wrong in the grammar department and again I thought the description was just beautiful!
This is a great forum with a honest and true message that we should all read. I like that the poem flowed alone smoothly and I didn't feel like it was forced, I also liked that everything seemed so honest!
You're poem has a unique quality and what it speaks about is something many of us fears, funnily enough it is conquering our own fears.
This is a great poem, I don't know how you thought about it but it was wonderful!
First thing first, part of the reviewing deal of this forum was that anything over 15kb you would have to pay 350 gp's for this review. Please send those gp's to group 1150689.
I enjoyed this story very much, because not only did it captivate the reader but it was scary, intelligent and made my adrenaline get going, I was scared for the chidren, scared of the husband and defeniately wanted him to die.
The characters were all very well formed, Veronica was very like a seven year old, and Timmy's way of speakign was great... I liked the control and sense that Jill had and thought that this was an amazing story,
keep up the great work, I spotted no grammatical errors and I'm sorry to say I dont have anythign to help you improve on this!
Content
A poem about how you are overcoming something, and slowly running, it's a deep poem with hidden meanings and I'll have to re-read it again a few times to discover how I feel.
Overall Impression
Good, I like the flow description and honesty of this poem, makes it interesting!
Characters
N/A
Grammar Please remember that anything I say here does not need to be changed unless you want it to be!
Excellent!
Suggestions Again, you do not have to take any of these suggestions into play unless you really want to!
None, this poem was very well done and I really enjoy reading it!
Additional Comments
Everything seemed fine, I loved the part about lover's whispering sweet nothing's to one another, that was very nice.
Reasons for rating!
It was perfect! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Content
This is about change and the difference happening in your life.
Overall Impression
Wow, everything I've been reading today has been great, you capture your feelings excellently and I enjoyed the description as well!
Characters
N/A
Grammar Please remember that anything I say here does not need to be changed unless you want it to be!
Excelelnt, I didn't see any mistakes at all!
Suggestions Again, you do not have to take any of these suggestions into play unless you really want to!
I have none, except maybe to space things out a bit more, that always helps!
Additional Comments
Keep up the great work!
Megz
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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I really enjoyed this piece, the description and paints a picture in your mind and makes it so easy to read. I liked that when I read this I could see you standing on a rock, watching and waiting for the waves of the sea.
I also liked that I didn't feel like the words were forced into the poem, everything flowed along naturally.
I didn't spot anything wrong with the grammar or punctuation but I never seem to find anythign anyway!
Great job writing this, I really enjoyed reading it!
I'd like to thank you for checking out some poetry in my port and I'm returning the favour now.
I really enjoyed your poem and thought it was a great present to your friend. It flows along well and I can completely relate to it. You show deep feelings for your friend and I think you could defeniately expand on it.
I don't have many suggestions for you but I really enjoyed this and I hope you keep writing!
I am no poetry expert, and I don't suspect I ever shall be but when I read this poem I was really moved, perhaps it's because it's what I see happening in my family right now, and I'm scared of losing two of the greatest people in my life or maybe it's just your wonderful way with words.
I found no grammatical errors and I thought your poem had a lot of depth to it, it really inspired me.
Overall Impression
A poem that shows what it means to be married and what you promise to your soulmate. What I liked!
I liked how you layed out this poem, showing what it means to be married and in love. What I didn't like,
I dind't like the repitition, you do it quite a bit through this poem but other than that I really enjoyed it! Characters
N/A Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Excellent, I didn't see anythign wrong! Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
None, it was wonderful and I enjoyed reading it! Additional Comments
Keep up the great writing,
Megz
Overall Impression
Keep going! You can't leave me hanging here, I loved this story and I want you to keep going! What I liked!
I liked your characters they were realistic and I could really relate with them! What I didn't like,
I didn't like that there's no spacing or indenting for the paragraphs! That would really raise ratings because it will make it easier to read. Characters
Well formed and seemed like they were really strong in their own ways! Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Great job, I enjoyed not having to stop for spelling errors all the time. Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Again, space the paragraphs, that should make it almost perfect! Maybe a bit more description as well. Additional Comments
Keep up the great work,
Megz
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Overall Impression
Beautiful, emotional, raw and truthful, this has brought back memories of last summer to me when my friend (15) died in a car crash that his friend stole... Time of your life was the song they played at his funeral as well. I have to stop crying, I'm leaving in a few minutes... but this has touched me so much Drew! What I liked!
I loved the way you pulled the reader in, making them feel as if they were beside you! What I didn't like,
Nothing... this was to sad and true to have problmes! Characters
N/A Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Excellent! Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
None Additional Comments
Keep up the great work, don't lose your writing abilities to speak of the truth!
Megz
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Overall Impression
Wow! astonishing point you've made here, you've shown a truthful way of recovery. What I liked!
How you managed to show me, the reader, that through the darkest of times you sometimes come to see the greatest things of all and in the end it may not be worth it but you've managed to move on. What I didn't like,
Nothing! Characters
N/A Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Perfect! Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
None, I thought this piece really reflected on you and how you felt, and I'm sorry you had to go through what happened but perhaps its what you needed right? Now things are going better than ever! :) Additional Comments
Great job!
Megz
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Overall Impression
Wonderful, I've reviewed this before but it holds the same mystique that it did last time and I enjoyed reading it again. What I liked!
I liked how you describe her and show your love for her. It proves that your a wonderful father who loves your children very much and that even though life gets hard sometimes you can make it through it alright. What I didn't like,
N/A Characters
Your daughter is so Sweet, she seemed adorable and I loved her! Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Perfect! Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
None, this is a beautiful poem that really shows your love for your children, I appreciate your poem for all it's worth! Additional Comments
Great job Drew! (((hugs)))
Megz
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Overall Impression
This is the second time I have reviewed this I believe and both times I sighed as I read the honest and raw truth of your poem, it is hauntingly romantic and deserves so much recognition! What I liked!
I loved the verses, everyone, the subtle hints of love you show. What I didn't like,
Nothing Characters
Both you and your wife remain mysterious but strong in character personality. Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Excellent Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
None Additional Comments
Keep up the great work, I'm glad you came back Drew (((hugs)))
Megz
Overall Impression
<sighs> I'm going into highschool this year. I'm nervous and terrified and this really helped me see how things change and that it's not all bad! What I liked!
The honesty, you don't hold anything back at all, and that makes it really great! What I didn't like,
Nothing! :) Characters
N/A Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Good, I dind't notice any errors at all! Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
None, I think this is done wonderfully, centered with author's notes in the appropriate places! Additional Comments
Keep it up, and thank you for reassuring me through your work that highschool isn't all bad!
Megz
Ooh that was creepy! And a valuable lesson was learned as well, an all around good story I'm thinking.
The first thing I'd like to say, is that the sweet and carefree characters of Gareth and Kyle are very convincing, until the end that is! Then it gets spooky.
You played out Gareth's fear of telling his secret with excellence, it was very realistic and reminded me to well of a stupid memory where I tried to tell my best friend that I got caught stealing once.
I have a few suggestions, when writing in paragraphs, they really don't have to be indented, I find it easier to read when there is just a line space between each one.
Actually I think that's all, other than that I thought it was a great story! Keep it up!
Content
A different poem showing how death can tear away loved ones from us and make us think twice about what we have in life.
Overall Impression
Very good! I thought it was so unique and different from other things we read on this site. You use the coloring to this poem's advantage and it's so bold, and 'out there' that you really give the reader a shock.
Grammar Please remember that anything I say here does not need to be changed unless you want it to be!
I saw no problems
Suggestions Again, you do not have to take any of these suggestions into play unless you really want to!
I dont' think I have any. This poem is so bewildering that I think it goes to show everyone on this site what a person feels when a partner dies. It's strangely different and cruelly tells a story that no man nor woman wants to hear.
Additional Comments
Excellent Job!
keep up the great work!
Wow Tracey, that described summer on so many different levels and showed exactly what we all feel in some way or another. I really loved how the poem flowed along and since I don't know much about poetry I won't comment at all about the way it's written.
I thought however that it was done beautifully and you really pulled the reader into your poem. Was this for DDOSF contest? I hope so, I think it will do wonderful it is!
Overall Impression
A humourous account of what comes after getting your first bifocals!
What I liked!
I loved how free you were about all of this, there was no stiffness in the subject and you kept it loose and relaxed. Throwing in jokes and being completely profounded with what comes with menopause!
Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Very well done, I didn't catch any mistakes, and it seemed as if you put a lot of work into this!
Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
None, you've made this so funny and witty, it's so different that I wouldn't dream of changing it!
Additional Comments
I could go back and read this two more times, still laugh at the same parts and not be sick of it. It's like a refreshign glass of lemonade, you can never get enough!
Overall Impression
This is a very interesting piece, opening and closing in the same way but creating a differnt mood in the middle of tenseness and perhaps a little fear. You show what the man is going through in a very unique way.
What I liked!
I loved how you opened and finished the poem, with no questions being left unanswered and no untold story (of couse we would like to know what happens next!)
What I didn't like,
Like I said last time we have to work on your summaries and titles of stories. This time you have a spelling mistake in the title itself and although I love that you're putting this in a contest and I hope it does very well!
Characters
You're main character seems to be sick and tired, but a strong sense of him is in the poem, very well done!
Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
First thing I noticed, Awakaning should be Awakening
Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Again, perhaps you could work on the summar, I know that's hard with writer's block and all but I'm sure we could think something up here!
Additional Comments
Great job, another wonderful poem, keep up the great work!
Megz
Overall Impression
This is a very interesting poem written about a singer and what's happening on stage as he sings. How a person feels about him and what is really going on. You did a wonderful job and it's written very nicely.
What I liked!
The amount of description was great, you could see his lips moving as you read the poem and you really captured his movements on stage.
What I didn't like,
The lack of flow in this poem, it seemed as if you forced it, but you managed to make it work as well.
Characters
Although we don't know your character's name (the singer) we can see that he's very spritiual and brave while he's on stage, giving all he's got to make the audience recognize what he is doing.
Grammar These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Well, I'm happy to say the grammar in this is well done, I don't see many mistakes. There's one word that I'm stumbling over, not sure if it's a mistake or an actual word. :)
opined I'm thinking opening was what you meant but I could very well be wrong.
Suggestions These are my thoughts on your piece only, if you do not feel the need to change them then don't, it's your piece, not mine.
Other than that, you could probably work on your wording a bit so that the poem keeps going and captures the readers attention better. A poem that reads like that will really draw people into it, and you're well on your way there!
Additional Comments
I really enjoyed reading your poem and I think you have some great talent, keep up the great writing! I hope to see more from you!
Content
A wonderfully different poem that shows a murder from a odd perspective. It makes the reader think of writing as inhuman object could feel and the way you describe the knife as if it were from that's point of view is very impressive.
Overall Impression
I really enjoyed it, there is still work to be done and perhaps some work on your title and summary as well.
Characters
Although there were no characters you saw clearly the man and his cheating spouse, all while staying with the theme of the knife.
Grammar Please remember that anything I say here does not need to be changed unless you want it to be!
Although there are no obvious spelling errors it's no 100% correct, there are things that could be fix, capatilization is one.
Suggestions Again, you do not have to take any of these suggestions into play unless you really want to!
Perhaps a different title, something that will really catch the reader's attention. "The Knife" could be changed to something that shows what happens with the knife. Instead of just 'well it is about the night in the life on a knife' you could say something that relates with the story.
As for the poem itself, you need to make a few changes but there's nothing serious, I really enjoyed reading it!
Additional Comments
Good job, I'm very impressed by this, it's very well done!If you want help on changing this feel free to email me!
I really enjoyed reading this poem! It's very descriptive and runs along beautifully. I'm not very experienced in poetry but I can tell this one is good!
I loved a few lines, they really seemed to add more to the poem. Such as:
In the shady heat of the covered porch,
and
of clingy, wispy silk by starch-sticky hands,
The description in these lines were really outstanding!
Keep on writing!
Megz
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