This is a very personal piece of reflection and thanks, that those who have undergone difficult times, and been very grateful to a friend or family member, or clergy member or counselor ( or whomever ) that helped and supported them through the dark period, will identify with and understand very well. Although it can be interpreted on different levels, my take is that of a letter to a friend, who has also undergone problems and in sharing has brought light and hope to myself too. I tend to take a more optimistic view than the ending, but it fits well
The alternating rhyme and straightforward format allows the simple message to come through clearly. I would not change anything at all.
My congratulations on a very nice piece. Please write much more frequently !!! >--- Milburn
Hi my name is Milburn, a dark poet, and Im reviewing a few of your works in return for your review of one of my poems for my upcoming book Bus Stops in Life.
You weave an interesting story here, which I can appreciate from personal experience. The theme is relevant to most people whether its broken love or abuse or simply bad luck and decisions. The interesting part is the choice of whether the life is a positive view or acceptance of a negative view...from the reader's experience.
The format of the poem is free verse and an easy , flowing read, executed very nicely. I see no grammar or spelling missteps.
If I may make a minor format suggestion, you might separate the last line with a line space, and change it to read "For hidden deep, there may be a life after all "
I award you a ray of pure white light brought to the Dark for your excellent poem and look forward to seeing you write much more frequently !! >---- Milburn
Hi I looked at this today and was immediately taken by the simple and heartflet structure of life contained within it. My goodness what a poignant recast of a lifetime relationship. It is true, later in life, there exists empty holes, those voices so much a part of us that are now stilled, leaving echoes that become fainter with Time's cruel passage.
I like the simple style of 4 line stanzas with 2-2 rhyme. You play it well and I saw nothing that required any change for readability. Nothing in the grammar or spelling .
I award you 1 soul capture for a poignant tale of emptiness in life. Please write more !!!! >---Milburn
Hi, my name is Milburn and I will be reviewing your poem today
This simple poem caught my eye this morning and I felt compelled to leave a positive review. What a wonderful piece you have written !! The use of patriotic colours enhances the text. You have perfect rhyme to complement that. This is such an easy flowing piece, poignant, wishful, and even forgiving at once. Such bittersweet trepidation on coming home...we fervently pray that does not come to fruition.
I award you 2 Soul-captures for the elegant simplicity and the way YOU have snared my feelings. Please write more..I will look forward to seeing that !!!!!!!
The form is very consistent, and the rhymes work well. The use of imagery is very nice in the beginning stanza. There is a very nice little switch from imagery to a discussion of needs, belonging, and desire. In fact the poem switches several times like this ( 2 and 6 ) I really like the use of the idea of comparison to zodiac signs and the somwhat veiled reference to not being pigeonholed. Well done and keep writing
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