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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/memphisblack
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8 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Memphis Black
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
My first impression of this poem, beyond the story, is that it has a gifted author lacking in guidance. The imagery is great, but there is little to hold it together and make it flow. I would try to put more effort into refining the transitions, which I find very abrupt. I am well aware it is difficult to learn how to assemble words in order for them to follow one another in a seemingly effortless way, yet that is what distinguishes the true poet from the casual dreamer. Do not lose heart, though! Being a dreamer is all that matters in the end, inspiration is key, and technique will come with time and effort. Press on!
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Review of An End to a Means  
Review by Memphis Black
Rated: E | (3.5)
The theme of the journey being a greater reward than it's destination never grows old, and it's well illustrated here, along with the romantic touch of sea travel. Perhaps the author also had other metaphors in mind, one could find more than one meaning to this poem. The short lines give me a certain sense of a rather empty landscape, which fits well with the actual landscape of the poem. The flow is good, enumerating the elements of sailing is clearly the best part, but the "music" falls apart for a bit at "but there must be more", which could be replaced by "there's surely more", and at "Now where should / my sight devote?", which could be replaced by "Where should I now / my sight devote?". Also, use of the comma at "How to treat, what I adore?" is in my opinion unnecessary, if not unfortunate. I hope this helps!
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Review of Last Night  
Review by Memphis Black
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Congratulations on this playful piece of poetry. I absolutely love the music of it, just like a waltz. Your poem has good flow, save for the fourth stanza, where I find that the word "memories" does not fit. I would have used a monosyllabic word instead, such as dreams or thoughts, or making the line "the marks of your passion which lingers reveal". I now realize I actually thought about this for about twenty minutes. It's great to be inspired by a fellow poet (:
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