This is one of your best poems. I really enjoyed reading this one. This poem is upbeat and your original style flows well. Keep up the great work and keep writing. Your message in this piece is very clear and I enjoyed the sentiment. I think that others will enjoy reading this poem. I did not find any typos or errors that I would comment on. What a great dedication and heartfelt poem. Dani, you have outdone yourself on this one. Write some more. Jessi
This madlib was both entertaining and fun, fun, fun. Every word that I chose fit in every slot perfectly. The story was very interesting and interactive. The characters, that I helped to create, were brought to life by your descriptions and great story plot. The adventure was great and, just like the words say at the top of the madlib page, "relaxing, enjoyable". Thank you for the opportunity to participate. Keep writing and creating. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next.
Your words are wizardy. The thoughts of a broken heart and the lake being the girl's inner-words are brilliantly displayed. Many times we are too close to the situation pertaining to the heart and can not see the beauty that some others can. Love can make you blind to the beauty you possess - especially when you are blinded by a rough relationship. Is this the message you are conveying?
The storybook quality of your poem helped me picture your images. Your new thoughts and ideas provoke me to think more deeply about my own writing, which is traditional and rhymey. Your rhymes are dispersed throughout but with just enough appearances to tease our rhyming senses. Using the lake as a wise, seeing character is most creative. I could not find any punctuation errors to comment on.
Great newbie work! Give us more, give us more. I can not wait to see what you come up with next. I enjoyed reading this poem. Your writing is bright, and your thoughts are new. Keep writing and keep creating!
Your poem shows us that we have all felt the same way at one time or another and those black rivers - I can relate to that. The pain of love that we all feel runs deep - it this the message that you were trying to convey?
The similarities of the mascara running and the face of a clown were ingeniously used in your poem. You were able to paint a picture and keep us all focused throughout your writing. Your rhymes were placed in pre-thoughtout places, helping your words to flow smoothly.
I enjoyed the newness of your thoughts on the subject of heartbreak. I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing your work with Writing.com. Keep writing and keep growing. I hope to see more of your work around here.
This quiz was very challenging. Thank you for the opportunity to test my knowledge in the area of writing. The subject that you chose is right on target for the Writing.com readers since we are all interested in this subject. I really did have fun and I think others will too. You have my great, big Writing.com approval.
Your words are clear, concise, and to the point. I can relate to having to leave a house that you have lived in and grown in. After a while, you pass by the house and it does not even look the same any more. Sometimes your heart longs for the life and memories that were held within. Is this the message you wanted the readers to feel?
The first paragraph painted a picture of your wonderful house on "Chestnut Street". I read with great intent your descriptions of the house and the emotions felt from within. Things change and we can not help but blame ourselves when things do not goes as planned. I think that we all have the tendency to do that. The way the character of the house and the people from within intermingled, gave me the idea of what we are all made of.
I found a typo in you work. In the tenth paragraph from the bottom, the last sentence that reads "Fine as she ran of" The word "Fine" should have quotes on either side and the word "of" should read the word "off". Although these are small "overlooks", they will help to polish your work.
Your story was most entertaining and to the point. I understand some people go through life and never lose, not once. Perhaps, those people will learn some compassion and understanding through your story. Those of us who can relate to your story will feel that their feelings and emotions are not alone in this world. Thank you for helping us understand this situation.
Ah, Jack, I think that you have captured the essence of the writer. Now is definitely a good time to write. Absolutely, write anything. You have captured the feelings of any writer. Aren't we all just men trying to explore and become what we can? Whether we have always aspired to be a writer or have just been moved by something that we have discovered, now is definitely the time to explore the possibilities of our own creativity. Write on!
Well spoken, Char! I found your poem inspiring and uplifting. I enjoyed your use use of scintillating words dispersed throughout this writing. You were able to paint a picture of the blissful emotions of life and living.
I did, however, find a small typo in stanza two. In the third line of this stanza, the word "in" should be omitted. Perhaps this is simply an oversight on your part. Also, the fifth stanza, line three, seems to be written in the third person while the rest of the poem is written in the first. This is just my opinion and the suggestion is for you to use at your discretion.
I read many poems that work through problems and emotions. I really enjoyed this poem that especially seems to just celebrate being alive. My favorite lines are in stanza one, lines three and four. Thank you for allowing me to review your writing. Please keep writing and inspiring us all to simply enjoy life!
Very good story. I enjoyed working through all of the emotions with the main character who is learning a lesson about letting go of a relationship. Anyone who reads this can learn something from your main character.
This short story told from the first person is somewhat of a tragic, self-realization. The title of the story fits the symbol of the main character being able to let go. We are able to go through the grieving process with the main character.
I found myself asking the question of who was this person to the main character. I finally was able to get a slight clue of this near the end of the story. In my opinion, most of this touching story works. The main character was able to work through and solve his problem of "moving on".
I noticed two small details that I feel might give the writing some smooth transitions from one sentence to another. The second and fourth paragraphs both contain rather lengthy sentences followed by numerous commas. The words "and" and "but", respectively, that divide those sentences could be omitted allowing you to place a period at that point. This is merely a suggestion that may improve these two paragraphs, however, the discretion is solely yours.
This is a great story with an important message to those of us who are having trouble letting go. I especially like the idea that a person can give their own self permission to start living again through something as simple as a single "white orchid". Thank you for allowing me to review your writing. Please continue on your writing quest.
Thank you for allowing me to review this obviously personal, heart-felt poem. This seems to be such a life story with life and death. I think that just about everyone who has lost someone they love feels this way; and in writing this poem, you allow the reader to also relate to memories of their loss and memories that they still carry with them. No matter what you do in life, there always seems to be regrets over something that one wishes that he or she had done differently. I know that there are many things that I wish I had done differently. This is such a great tribute to your "Daddy". Are these some of the points that you were trying to convey in writing this poem? Those are some of the things that I thought about while reviewing your writing. I had a little trouble with the line "that's what I have left since you're dead." This is just my opinion and use the information any way that you see fit, but I thought that I would have gotten more out of that sentence if it were simply worded - that's what I have left since you are now dead. I think that just changing that contraction of you're into you are and adding the word now, gave me a more complete feeling of fullness in that line.
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