Wonderful piece! Grammar was well done though I think your stanza's were off a little in a few places. The only suggestion I would make is to read this out loud a little more. The rhyming does detract from the momentum of the poem. I think you may want to try another rhyming scheme. Can't wait to read more!
Thanks for sharing your work with all of us! Please note that I am a strong believer on stick to your creative vision opinions are only a mirror to help you see what others may witness.
What I like: The wording is very cultured and refined. Something I look for in a lot of poems.
The stanza that stood out the most is:
There are miles yet to be trodden.
Elusive desires and dreams creeping in,
The walk continues amidst the storm,
For miles remain yet to be trodden
A few things to keep in mind would be the punctuation. I noticed you did punctuate the last stanza but none of the others. I think punctuation would add to the flow of the piece. Another thing to consider is how the last line of the first four stanzas plays a part. It seems a bit forced in this work.
I hope some of my advice is useful and if you make any revisions let me know and I will be happy to review again!
I have a fond place in my heart for haiku's so let me say that I enjoyed reading your work. I do wish I had more to add but your imagery was well done in this blooming piece. I hope to see more of your work soon.
Very nice flow! The imagery is not something I would have suspected but it adds this sense of innocence to this particular relationship. Clean, concise and cuddly! The only line that felt a little off to me was in the line "of the caves called life." Perhaps another look to see if you find another way to display this particular image without detracting from the rest of the piece. Look forward to reading more!
Bravo!!! You kept very true to form. I wish I had some critique but I have none. I will add my voice to praise to the second stanza. Oddly enough it made the most impact for me, as the reader.
With thanks,
Minerva
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