Hi !
I had the honor of reading {item:} today. It is with pleasure I submit to you this review.
Please accept my comments as the opinion of an amateur writer and lover of literature only. With respect for you, the author, these are my thoughts.
First impressions:
This story is a keeper! I had goosebumps most of the time. I love the pace, it doesn't drag, and doesn't go too fast. Its just right. I love the feeling, the love between the adopted mother and daughter. It is a great story! Suggestions:
Honestly it's perfect, the only thing I can even think of to say is that I don't know what a 'roiled rainbow' is. So I couldn't "see" that image as I read. Final comments:
Well done. Thank you for this wonderful feel-good short story.
I your writing!
~Natalie
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Hi applejuice!
I had the honor of reading "Safe" today. It is with pleasure I submit to you this review per your request on WDC's review request page.
Please accept my comments as the opinion of an amateur writer and lover of literature only. With respect for you the author, these are my thoughts.
First impressions:
Very well written, allows the reader to feel a part of the story, flows nicely.
Suggestions:
Typo: "blood glistens on the soldier’s chest," Blood should be capitalized because it follows a period (unless you are not following normal punctuation conventions, in which case, you should not change it. hehe)
The only part that tripped me up a little is at the beginning when it said "if ghosts aren't real..." This is because at this point in the poem, I don't know what it is about yet, so I don't know what the "ghosts" refer to. I thought of it literally, as in a haunted house. This phrase may be better utilized closer to the end of the poem where it will have more meaning.
Final comments:
This is really something heartfelt and I enjoyed reading it and being part of your life for just a moment.
I your writing!
~Natalie
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Hi !
I had the honor of reviewing "Yesterday and Today" today for Author Appreciation Day. Please accept my comments as the opinion of an amateur writer and lover of literature.
First impressions:
As I read your poem, I found myself nodding my head YES! Though not a male, I find myself seeing my mother in me as I age.
Suggestions:
I felt it slightly choppy in parts, where they need to rhyme may have taken away from the natural flow of the poem. For example: If I said yes I’d be a liar might flow smoother as if I say yes I'm a liar
Your spelling, punctutation, etc, are fine.
Final comments:
It's true, we are all aging. This poem really touches home with the blessings of parents in our lives. It is a reminder to remember that if we're going through it, they've probably been there. And if they haven't, they care enough about us to worry when we do. I can completely relate to this poem and love the quirky imagery it invokes.
Hi Jeanne Riggs Workman!
I had the honor of reviewing "Grandmother In Waiting" today for Author Appreciation Day. Please accept my comments as the opinion of an amateur writer and lover of literature.
First impressions:
Oh how I love grandparent poems! Your love for your family really shines through in this poem. My favorite stanza is:
I look forward to future days
When I will look on her sweet face
And tell her tales I have to praise
The goodness of the human race.
And also I love this line:
And thank You, my Good Lord above
For her sweet father and mother
Suggestions:
Don't change a thing.
Final comments:
As a grandmother myself, I can really relate to the heartfelt sentiments in your poem, (as only grandparents can). My only grandchild is 4 now and there is a poem in my port that I wrote after he was born. Now I'm finally awaiting grandchild #2! I'm even more excited now after reading yours.
This is really a deep and heartfelt poem. I don't even think of it as dark, at least not in a bad way. It sounds more like a poem written by someone who is processing some deep emotions and feelings. The symbolism of the dance is strong to me and I can really relate to sometimes just having to give in and let some things go. It is really nice....nice job.
This is a fantastic essay. I am actually an academic advisor at a university in Idaho and I primarily work with academically at-risk students, meaning students who fail their first two semesters in college. Unrealistic expectations and lack of ability to cope with the changes are the most common reasons I hear for students failing out their first year. The lessons you learned from your past experience will set you apart from many new freshmen at the university you will be attending. Good luck to you, and also KEEP WRITING. You did a fantastic job with this essay.
This is so amazing. I am very VERY impressed. I would never have even thought to do something like this, (of course now it will haunt ME until I try it...haha) I do have one (and only one) suggestion. It has to do with punctuation on the line: Another holds her fills me with nauseA.
I think it would read just a little smoother if there was a comma after the word 'her'
Fantastic! This is probably the most enjoyable Cinquain I have ever read. Maybe it's because of the story nature of it (being a Crown Cinquain) but also definitely well written and inspirational. I love your work, everytime I read something I am impressed. Keep it up, you are an asset to the literary world.
I love it! This really reminds me to be true to myself and not waste a bunch of time doing other people's dirty work. Artists are artists, no matter what they do or where they go.
I understand this particular piece had a word limit because it was for your lit mag, but i would love to see it expanded upon, it is a great start to a story. I would love to read more from you.
So true! I enjoyed reading this ... only difficulty I had is I'm in the U.S. so I'm not familiar with some of the words...but that has nothing to do with how well you wrote it. I think you did a fine job...and keep up the great work. Write on!!!!
I judge my ratings of stories like these by how long my goosebumps last ... well this story gets 5 starts cuz my goosebumps are still coming. First of all, I was surprised by the ending, which I love in a story...the fact that it is unpredictable gives it a higher goosebump value. :) Second, it is so well written, there is no question who is doing what, when. I have no suggestions to make it better. 5 is as good as it gets!
I am so excited to find this happy and inspiration poem here on WDC. I am beginning a self-help or how-to for people who would like to learn more about being a lightworker and wanted to see what had been posted on this site prior. Yours is the only that showed up. Thank you for the inspiration. I love the poem. May I have your permission reference it in my essay which will be posted on here?
Thank you for sharing your softer side here. Coming from a man this poem is even more meaningful. It is refreshing to read a poem written by a man who respects women in today's society. And also to know there were three women out there enjoying each other's company and being comfortable in who there were as individuals.
The feedback is purely punctuation...I suggest either choose to put a period at the end of every line, or none. These are fragmented sentences, which are common in poetry, so leaving the period off at the end of each line is acceptable. Also all of the words in all of the lines should be lower case unless it is a proper noun (and I get your lower caps at the end was intentional). For example on the line: " Women Complete" I would make complete lower case. But on "Old danger ranger." I wanted danger and ranger to be capitalized because I feel like that is a name, a nickname at least.
Anyway, as always you are inspirational and I love your work.
Wow how true this is when you're the mom of little ones. But how nice to have a loving man to think about while he's away. This poem has a nice balance of romance and reality. Please consider proofing for typos and also it would be helpful to clarify if Steve is her husband...mainly for me because at first when I started reading it, I thought she was a married woman who had a lover on the side. I was slightly distracted by that thought at first. It resolved itself soon enough but I just wanted to mention it. Keep up the good work, I'm a newbie too, if you'd like to view any of my poetry, that would be awesome! Write on!
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