The world you created - especially the power relationships within that world - is fascinating. Also, the way that the main character and Pira interact after he learns that she is a cyborg is masterfully well-done.
The only thing that bothered me - and the only thing that made me give you a 4.5 instead of a 5.0 - was the ending, especially the conclusion reached by the main character. Our narrator had ten hours to decide to trust Zasha, based mostly upon the deliciousness of some curry. I get the sentiment - it's actually a pretty awesome sentiment - but I'm just not convinced. The rest of your story is extremely believable and grounded in the principles of our reality - as good speculative fiction always is - but the narrator's choice at the end just seems naive and hasty. He changes his mind much too quickly, especially when he goes completely against everything he was brought up to believe - and in ten hours!
Granted, it's a short story. There isn't a lot of time to develop a trusting relationship between two characters. And granted, the ending just "seems" confusing and unbelievable. I'd love to hear your thought process behind the ending, because I'm sure I don't understand it fully. Perhaps we can talk about it, if you're up for it.
Overall, this is a fantastic story. Really. You write dialog marvelously, and the way you simultaneously present the setting and tell the story is perfect. Keep up the good work, and let me know what you think of my comments.
My overall impression is great. I really like your ideas, and I completely identify with the feeling of belonging that you explain, especially the part about it being beyond simple description.
My favorite passage: "over the years it has grown a lot and i still get surprised every time i look around at my brothers and sisters and know that i am loved, not because i have done something or been someone but because i am special as i am." This is exactly what familial love is. Beautiful.
As far as improvements are concerned, there are a lot of grammatical issues - including the lack of a capitalized "I" when referring to yourself. There are also some phrasing and comma issues, such as "No matter what happens i do not have trouble sleeping i know someone's got my back." Instead, you could say something like "no matter what happens, I do not have trouble sleeping, because I know someone's got my back." The sentence looks more polished, and your point is clearer. You have a bunch of really good thoughts; making them a little more polished certainly wouldn't hurt.
Just some thoughts. Let me know if they're helpful, or if you'd like other advice.
In general, I really love your sentiments. Keep writing.
The mutual distrust between the two "main characters" - if I can call them that - is absolutely heartbreaking. Neither trusts the other, resulting in a stupidly missed opportunity. Basically, I really like the idea and most of the execution.
As far as improvements, there are a few moments of writing that don't quite flow well. For example: "robotic complexities adorning the faces of each soul-starved one; their pupils heavy with disregard to everything other than would cause hindrance to their pace." I get the sentiment, but it just seems a bit forced and awkward. Instead, maybe say "robotic complexities adoring each soul-starved face, their pupils heavy with disregard for anything that would hinder their pace." Eliminating those unnecessary words and rearranging order can make a sentence much less muddy, letting the meaning shine through.
Overall, I really liked it. Very creative - like nothing I've read in a long time. Keep it up.
I appreciate any and all heartfelt poems such as yours. Never stop writing about what matters most to you.
For the most part, I enjoyed your poem. I think my favorite line is the last, in which you confess the need to "unlock your heart." This perfectly communicates the desire that I see in the rest of the poem. I think you could do more with that locked, caged, imprisoned imagery. It is a poem, after all.
But honestly, I'm just not sure it should have been a poem. Most of your thoughts could be changed into sentences with some added punctuation, and there isn't a rhyme scheme or anything to make it need to be a poem. Basically, I think you should either run with a more metaphoric version of these thoughts (because they are good and very identifiable thoughts) or you should turn these thoughts into prose. They could be a great essay, really.
If you wanted to change something, that's my advice. Otherwise, I'm glad you wrote this and I'm glad I got to read it. Keep up the writing.
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