This is a well written story. There could have been a little more background into the characters, but that's just my opinion, I always want to know more.
I didn't notice any typos or conflicting information.
I enjoyed the story, although sad. Keep up the good work of writing. You have talent!
Very well written! Your words are so true, as boys become men and we, women, are left with our husbands(hopefully). In the esecond to last verse you have a typo; they'ld. That's the only place I noticed something wrong. The rest of your poem is fine.
A heartfelt piece, your feelings show through. Keep up the writing!
Very well said. You could probably rearrange some of the structure.But it is good too. There is always room for improvement, but you write very well.
What I am trying to say is use different word structure, something like,
(The Monster rises, beginning its day
Meticulously plotting, devising schemes)
I'm not trying to rewrite your poem, just trying to show what I am trying to say about wording..
There is a typo in can't, just a space, but it all counts.
The Monster becomes vicious when it can’t have its way
This is a most excellent story!
Well written and very informational, even though it's fiction.
There are so many new drugs on the market and the scientists that make them have no idea how the effects will be after people take them for a year or longer.
Wishes can be what the devil is waiting to cause you trouble. Be careful what you want in life. You just might get it, but it may not be what you wanted!
Interesting self-talk. This is a well written letter, reminding yourself to give more of you. It is well said. I am sure many of us are guilty of the same crime of laziness and overlooking a great many poems, stories and interesting subjects.
Friends are made by connecting through writing. Get with it and enjoy the thoughts, fantasy, and dreams of others. You are missing out on a lot of good writing! Hope you continue to write and begin to read more.
Christine
You have written an exellent story. Your desciptive talent is obvious and done very well. I enjoy your writing style. You seem to have the ability to write well. You show the culture of your people, your concerns for those left behind, and most of all you granted your fathers dying wish.
If this is a true story, you have done it justice.
Thanks for the good read, hope to hear more from you!
A sad beginning, middle, and a satisfying ending, to a degree. This is well written with good flow and description. I am sorry for the way your adoptive mother treated you. Any person who could treat a child so coldly and scorned, is not a mother. She is simply a person who has little love to give to anyone, even her favored son. More than likely she showered him with love to partly hurt you.
I am sorry for your pain, but am very pleased with the ending!
This is absolutely adorable. I have five cats, I can empathize. You story is well written and very descriptive.
I will definatley read your other stories, the 2000 diaries. I hope you keep writing, thouroughly enjoyed this story. Keep up the writing!
The storyline has a lot of potential, although I comprehend the meaning. There must be more to it, I was left waiting for more of the story. You have done well grammatically and decriptavely, it just seems that something is missing, waiting to have more story added.
A good read, but could use some elaboration.
Thank you for writing this. The essay is well written, interesting, and a good argumentative theme.
I DO believe in God, I also agree that no scientific person or persons can or ever will prove or disprove the existence of God. I like this line:
"Science is a system of inquiry into truth about nature". How could science find proof of God, God is above nature.
Excellent concepts and thoughts, Christine
I really enjoyed this,, and I can relate. You have a lot of potential. I hope you keep it up. Your writing ability could use some work, maybe a class, there are come on this site and most people are happy to help.
Over all I liked your "poetry". I'll be checking your portfolio to see how your prgressing.
Thanks for the read,
Christine a.k.a. myladylibra
Yes, I have been hungry. Your work touches my heart. The way you have written this leaves no doubt to the tradgedies produced by hunger pains. I believe there is no mercy when it come down to raw hunger, you have no concience, I especially like the last verse;
Hunger; only present as is allowed-
Unattended by those who can cloud
Notes of sound by those with no food.
Greedy power their goal; living rude.
Envision their complete control
Ripping apart our very soul.
This is an exceptionately written story. I can't imagine how I would react under the same circumstances. Your story flows and keeps the interest of the reader. The decisions needed to be made are face by countless people on a daily basis.
Keep writing, you have a talent for descriptive storytelling.
I read A LOT of books, historicals mainly, you have done a fine job with this story. I don't seem to find any typos, which is good. You seem to have a knack for Action/Adventure. I hope you keep up the good work. If I haven't read your first chapter, although I'm sure I have, I'll go back and check for sure. I come from Ireland, it's full of mystry and intrigue as well as strife and war...
Keep up the good work. I hope to read a book someday, written by you!
Many thanks for the read, myladylibra
I like the idea behind your poem. I believe every person who reads this will understand and empathize with you words. Some find it difficult to not rant and rave about all their misfortune, while completely unaware that most everone has heart pain and issues.
This well written and interesting. I think you have a very good chance of becoming an author, in fact you already have. It seems you have a talent for the historical. You seem to express the thoughts, hopes, and desires, by the characters, in their desire for a free life. Circumstances(maybe fate) gave the final push. Even though it meant leaving what was there home. There is too much I could say about this story, I don't have room here.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 10:16pm on May 09, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
