Full points for everything because I wouldn't change anything in this poem. I think everything fits perfectly. I especially like how you did your line breaks. It really added to the effectiveness of the poem.
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My Overall Impression:
I think this poem is a wonderful angle on love and lovers. The mood is less fire and passion and more peace and unity. You utilize wonderful diction and sentence structure as well to create detailed descriptions. Most of all, I really enjoyed the way you ended the poem. Well done!
Title:
The title was well chosen. It fits perfectly and is very original and creative. Very good work!
Flow:
I see no problems with flow. Great job!
Mood/Tone:
I love the mood set in this poem. It just feels right, something the reader can connect to. Yet, it is very different from other emotions, more calm and full and everywhere. I love it!
Disclaimer: My opinion. My thoughts. My suggestions. Feel free to disregard them
My Overall Impression:
This is a cute little poem. However, it is slightly hard to decipher the meaning with the unusual colloquial terms and sentence structure. I understand you might be writing to follow a certain style, however, you do want the reader to be able to easily read and understand at least some of the lines. Maybe it's just me, but the first time I read through the poem, I got confused at the second line from a combination of the word choice as well as your line breaks. I'm still not too sure if the way I interpreted your poem is the way you intended it to be. You might want to take that into consideration.
Title:
I didn't really understand the connection between the title and the actual poem except for the love part. Thus, I really can't comment here.
Flow:
It was hard determining the flow of the lines simply because I didn't really know where to pause when reading. I wanted to pause at the line breaks at first, but the first time I did, the beginning of the second line began with another pause after the semicolon, which definitely broke the flow and caused confusion. You should definitely look into this.
Mood/Tone:
The mood created is consistent but lacking in depth. As a declaration of love, I would expect more passion and fire. Nevertheless, good work with constructing and maintaining the mood.
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
I'm not too sure what is going on with all the semicolons. Some of them are used correctly individually, but combined together, they might be a bit too much. You might want to consider using periods and commas instead to ease the reading and flow of the poem.
I deducted two points from Flow and Mood for reasons stated above.
I deducted half a point from Diction because although your word choice and usage was unique and creative, it was utilized effectively and clearly. For me, it caused some confusion. Thus, there is room for improvement.
I deducted two points from Imagery because the descriptions were good, but not perfect. The lines of the poem did not bring vivid images to my mind while reading.
I deducted two points from Organization because of the confusing way the lines and punctuation were arranged. They were not conducive to reading or meter at all.
I deducted one point from Presentation because of the semicolons. Great job though! Keep writing!
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My Overall Impression:
Such an interesting poem! Your choice of subject shows your creativity! In addition, I enjoyed the WritingML color. It definitely made the poem even more interesting than it already was! Very inventive!
Title:
The title works. However, in my opinion, it does not do the poem justice. I have faith that you could think up a better, more creative title to fit the poem, especially seeing how unusual the actual poem is. The title is the first thing a reader sees when looking at a poem and may be the last, if it is not well selected. In addition, you might want to consider capitalizing "chameleon" in the title. It's just general writing convention.
Flow:
The poem generally flows very smoothly. There are a few points in which the syllabic count shifts and throws off the rhythm. I believe this happens most prominently in lines 17 and 18. To fix this, you could add more syllables to the aforementioned lines. Otherwise, everything seems fine.
Rhyme:
You have some lovely rhymes in the this poem. I am also very impressed that you broke the rhyme scheme at some points. Very good call. It definitely enhanced your poem. Many people try so much to stick to their rhyme scheme that their poems become repetitive or just ridiculous in content. I'm glad you avoided that. That said, you still do have a few rhymes that are slightly out there, such as the line about the beard and the chameleon's crime. Otherwise, very well done!
One other thing, for line 6, I feel it might work better if you switched "fold" and "rolls". Just a suggestion.
Mood/Tone:
I really enjoyed the light, teasing mood created by your diction. This tone is carried on through the entirety of the poem and is just delightfully whimsical. I especially enjoyed the lines:
I truly hope he paints himself,
He'd spend a fortune on someone else.
Lovely wit and humor. I definitely don't see that used correctly a lot.
I deducted a full point from Flow for reasons stated above.
Full points for Diction, Imagery, Mood and Presentation. Fantastic job!
I deducted one point from Organization because of some of the randomness of the sentences. They didn't tie in with the overall meaning and intent of the poem as well as the other lines did. I think this occurred because of need to rhyme. Otherwise, well done.
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My Overall Impression:
What a sad and terrible ending, but very well written. Your poem is so chock full of despair that I'm a little sad after reading it. At the same time, I marvel at your diction and flow. This is a lovely, well crafted poem. In fact, I went back and read it again because I enjoyed it so much the first time. Superb job!
Title:
I can't really comment on part of the title because it is the second in a series, however it is very fitting. Yet, when solely looking at the title, I can't help but getting the feeling that this poem is more of a sci-fi genre than the actual dark poetry it is. You might want to take that into consideration if you do choose to revise.
Flow:
I love the flow of the poem. Nothing about the lines or structure is formal, yet the flow of words is just so smooth. Very well done. About the only comment I can make is that the sudden switch from stanza 1 to stanza 2 is slightly disorienting because of the change in meter. I believe this si because the first stanza generally alternates 8-6-8-6 syllabic count while the second stanza has generally a 6-6-6-6 syllabic count. Then, the third stanza shifts back into 8-6-8-6 syllablic count. Nevertheless, it is still very well done.
Mood/Tone:
The dark tone created by the your diction is complete and consistent. Each word just builds upon the previous one and creates the ominous and oppressing feeling that cannot be escaped. Very well done!
I deducted half a point from Flow for reasons explained above.
Full points for Diction, Imagery, Mood, Organization, and Presentation. I especially enjoyed your diction. Your use of advanced descriptive words really enhanced the tone of the poem. The imagery of your detailed description was also very vivid. Great job!
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My Overall Impression:
Your poem is very creative! I love the plot behind it! The ending too is especially creative. I think it could be improved even more if you didn't rhyme and concentrated more on developing the story. I see so much potential for this poem.
Title:
The title works. It provides a nice introduction to the poem but it can still definitely be improved. I see so much cheekiness and humor in your poem, I'd love to see some of that in the title.
Flow:
There's a lot of room for improvement in the flow of your lines. Although your poem rhymes, it lacks defined structure. What I mean by that is that one of your lines has 15 syllables while most others average around 8 syllables. Thus, when reading, some lines seem to go against the rhythm for too long and some lines seem to end abruptly. I noticed this especially when shifting from stanza two to stanza three. But still, good work.
Rhyme:
Please don't rhyme. It's not that the rhymes are bad. It's just that the rhymes are restricting the words you can use, so you try to complete the rhyme more than you try to enhance it. By doing so, you detract from the poem as well as add confusion to the reader because you start trying to tie in random things. An example of this is line 6 and line 16. But you're almost there!
Mood/Tone:
You're generally consistent with maintaining the mood but at some points, because of your rhymes, the randomness of some lines just counteract the tone. At first, I get this grim, "this sucks" feeling but then it turns into "yay, this is pretty cool" which then turned into "this is funny" which then turned into "awww, I wish I could eat veal" which finally turns into "I'm scared". I mean, individually, they're great moods to create, but combined, it just gets a little confusing. Great job with the plot though!
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
I noticed one spelling error:
1. I have to admit numbers loose their appeal (lose)
I deducted one and a half points from Diction because your usage of words was above average. However, there were some places where you could've utilized more accurate words to enhance the meaning of you poem. Don't get stuck by rhyming.
I deducted one point from Imagery because although you descriptions were quite good, they weren't perfect. You could still have more details and descriptions so excite the reader's imagination.
I deducted two points from Organization because of the random events throughout the poem that you tied in just to force the rhyme. No electrons, funny, and veal please.
I deducted half a point from Presentation because you had a spelling error.
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My Overall Impression:
This is such a touching poem. The style is simple, but that makes the impact all the more effective. I really connected with this poem. Wonderfully done!
Title:
The title can definitely be improved. Through the Eyes of a Friend is just too specific and limited, especially when your poem goes beyond just a friend. I think a better choice might be Through My Eyes. That would fit better because everyone is a friend, love, and part of the world. This is just a suggestion though.
Flow:
There wasn't much rhythm to this poem as it was more free verse without defined structure but it still flowed very well. The repetition really connected the lines together as well as the stanzaes. I love the emphasis on "you" that can be so unimportant yet the most precious thing to someone. Great job!
Mood/Tone:
The mood and tone were consistent, so good job there. I do feel that the emotion here could still have a little more depth and passion. Instead of just making me feel like its sweet, make me want to cry perhaps?
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
I did see one error in your poem:
1. you are undeniably full, (No comma after full, unless you mean to tell me I'm not hungry)
2. you are unnoticable, (You misspelled unnoticeable)
Full points for Flow and Organization because your poem flowed and was organized perfectly. I cannot see any way to improve it.
I took off one and a half points in Diction between word choice was slightly above average. There was no unusual utilization or play on words to enhance the poem.
I took off one and a half points in Imagery because while detail was there, the description and imagery still has a lot of room for improvement.
I took off half a point in Mood for reasons explained above.
I took off a whole point in Presentation for the errors in spelling and grammar.
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My Overall Impression:
This is a lovely poem. It's just filled to the brim with happy emotions. The unexpected miracles in it make it all the sweeter. I also really enjoyed the imagery and description, the details are so vivid. Great job!
Title:
The current title does well, but I think you can still improve on it to better suit the poem. As of now, I feel that it just doesn't fit perfectly with the poem.
Flow:
The poem generally flows very well. There were a few points however, where I would've chosen other words to help keep the rhythm of the words better. Example:
1. she may not live to see one more day (Instead of one more, maybe another)
2. She cried and bellowed throughout the night (Through instead of throughout)
Rhyme:
The rhymes were perfect. They didn't seem forced or sound inane. Well done.
Mood/Tone:
Your words and descriptions created a consistent tone that was at times suspenseful in a very good way. The poem culminated in a mood of hope and happiness. Great ending.
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
I did see a punctuation mistake throughout the poem:
1. It's a lovely day for us you see;our baby girl, born at ten past three.(Instead of semicolon, use a colon. Otherwise, make the second sentence a complete sentence as opposed to a fragment)
I took off a point in Flow for reasons explained above.
I took off one and a half points for Diction because your diction was above average, but not exceptional. There was no evidence of unusual vocabulary or creative manipulation of any word meanings.
Full points for Imagery and Mood because they were perfect. I loved the details and descriptions. They definitely captured my imagination. It was truly lovely writing.
I deducted a point from presentation because of punctuation error.
This is such a cute story. It does help that I absolutely adore cats! While reading this story, I could imagine in detail all of their cute antics. I wish I could've been there to actually see it! I also love the metaphor you did for the Olympics. It's very creative! And yay for Jenna! I'm glad she won gold the second time. ^^
The only complaint I have about this piece is the presentation of it. The formatting needs to be corrected slightly so that the sentence breaks are fixed. Otherwise, very well done!
Very well written. I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors. I loved the theme as well. I started salivating as soon as you started describing the first chocolate. Your descriptions and imagery are simply...scrumptious. I'm having chocolate cravings now thanks to you. I also very much enjoyed how you built up the anticipation before revealing the surprise within each chocolate. Personally, I like vanilla cream the best so I was a little sad that the girl rejected that one but to each their own. All in all, very good job in writing this story. It was truly an experience!
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My Overall Impression:
I've never read any of Robert Burns' poetry before so to do your poem full justice, I looked him up and read Address to a Haggis. I believe that his style is nice but your style here also have some benefits of its own.
Title:
The title is a very nice touch, especially if you're trying to write in Burns' style. Definitely a good choice of an introduction.
Flow:
Generally, the poem flows very well. However, there are a few awkward spots where the lines don't read as well. It feels like the rhythm stumbles because of a lack of enough syllabic count in some lines. You might want to look into that.
Rhyme:
Very good job rhyming! The words fit well and the rhyming doesn't feel repetitive at all. Generally, when people rhyme, they get stuck to that pattern throughout the poem, making the words feel forced and awkward. Your rhymes here really avoid that. Fantastic work!
Mood/Tone:
You poem has a nice consistent overall tone. I feel that it lacks some real depth of the emotion. In terms of strength, its like a candle as opposed to a flamethrower. It has a nice warm glow, but lacks passion.
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
There were no spelling or grammatical errors I could see. Believe it or not, this has been a big issue in some of the poetry I've seen. Thank you for taking the effort to proofread. Good job!
I deducted one point from Flow for reasons stated above.
I deducted half a point from Diction because, although you had some nice word choices in here, there were still some parts that could be improved. E.g how your words inspire our will instead of repeating still.
I deducted two whole points from Imagery and Mood because your poem is a little lean. What I mean by that is that it lacks detailed description. E.g "Each dawn leads to a day" could be "Each dawn leads to a bright new day" More details to help the reader imagine and understand
Full points for organization and presentation because the poem was organized perfectly and you had not obvious grammar or spelling errors.
Great job!
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My Overall Impression:
This poem is so sweet, I love it! It just makes me all gooey inside. Very well written. It flows very nicely as well.
Title:
Good title. It gives the reader the perfect introduction into the poem.
Flow:
I really enjoyed the flow of this poem, it just read so smoothly from one line into the next. The punctuation really helped enhance the rhythm as well. Great job!
Rhyme:
I am very impressed with the rhyming. When reading it, the rhymes did not feel forced at all. In addition, they truly contributed to the poem as opposed to just being another line to fit the rhyme scheme.
Mood/Tone:
Good work here as well, the mood created is consistent and effective. Hence why I had such a great feeling after reading it.
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
Overall, great job with the spelling and punctuation. I did notice one part where the grammar didn't really work:
1. Or special person that makes your heart race." (Missing an "a" between or and special)
Full points for Flow, Imagery, Mood, and Organization because they were very well done, I could not find a mistake with them.
I took one point off from diction because the words in here were very simple and direct, which definitely is consistent with the almost childlike tone of the poem, but there is still definitely room for improvement.
I took off half a point for presentation because of the one grammar mistake. Yes, I can be real nitpicky sometimes. But you did a fantastic job! If I don't point out the little mistakes, how can I make my reviews so long? :P
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Wonderfully done. I love the light tone. I wish I could give more suggestions but I'm out of them. I can't find any fault. So you're stuck with another short review. You really need to make some mistakes so I can correct them. :P
Very nicely done. When I was reading this, I felt like I was on a swing. In addition, the actual style and form of your lines, the presentation, mimics the arc of a swing. It's almost like a literal extended metaphor.
I was impressed by the rhymes, they fit well without detracting from the meaning of the poem. You also a very nice range of vocabulary. Very good choice in diction.
All in all, I cannot pick out anything I would change, so this will be a very short review. Good job, though I think you already know it. ^^
Wow, that's such a terrifying yet perfect scene. It's so tense and suspenseful, I got chills after reading it. You really have a way of setting up a scene and creating an image in the reader's head. I think the best part is the first line, where the reader has no idea what is happening but can already start feeling the tension. You carry the overall mood very well throughout the story, there are no lapses in tone. Very well done.
You have a very unusual, but good, choice in organization. I like how you started in the middle of the timeline and flash backed to the beginning. This is definitely most effective in terms of impact. I also saw no problems with grammar/spelling, flow, and character development. Good job! Keep writing.
I just realized how long the instructions are for the directions and rules of this contest. It must have taken you quite a while to write everything out as clearly and concisely as you did. Plus, I love the concept. I would've never thought of it. Great job!
Disclaimer: MY opinion. MY thoughts. MY suggestions.
My Overall Impression:
Irony at its best. I can't say I really enjoyed the story because it made me depressed, but it was well written. This was a very unique piece of writing with detailed descriptions that provided strong imagery. I liked the characters a lot because they seemed very realistic, many of the emotions expressed and described could be related too, especially the loneliness.
I saw a lot of character development here, not in the protagonist, but rather his family. It sort of emphasizes his own lack of developement and understanding with his father. Of course, I could be totally off here. I sometimes have a tendency to overanalyze. :P But anyways, I see a lot of promise in this story, there's just a slight problem with the flow.
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
There were a few minor spelling and grammar errors:
1. "You there with the ‘no comprende’ look." Comma after "there" to separate the two statements.
2. "I lift up the veil, peal off the mask, lower my shield and look" "Peal" should be "peel."
3. "I would say, "Like this?" standing on my hands to let her borrowed plaid skirt fall upside down over my face." Comma after "this" to indicate the end of the inserted statement.
4. "I sneeze from behind my veil and the skirt blows away from my hidden face." In the previous tense, you used the "would + verb." Now you change suddenly into the present tense.
5. "Uncle Herman never laughed harder. Then I reversed my hat." Shift from present to past tense.
6. "I love the big top. I think I mentioned that." Shift from past back to present.
7. "He never laughs at any of my pranks -- not even the time when I was 13." Present to past.
8. "The next morning she was on the phone to you." "With" instead of "to."
Theme/Plot:
Interesting plot. Not many people right about clowns from an insider's perspective. They're frequently depicted as either evil or idiotic. I'm glad to see some association of clowns/pranksters and their human aspects!
I Loved:
Things to Improve:
As I was reading the story, I noticed that you shift a lot between tenses. A few of the shifts I understood to be flashbacks, but some of them were confusing and disrupted the flow of the story. I had to backtrack and reread to make sure I was seeing and understanding correctly. You might want to reread your story again just to make sure that your story flows as you want it to.
Confuzzled:
There was just one sentence I was confused on:
1. "It was a ‘gasser’ Uncle Herman snorted." I'm not sure what you meant by this sentence. Perhaps you meant for it to be two sentences?
This is just too sweet...It's almost....dare I say it? Corny...Sorry >.<
It's like the perfect modern fairytale...something anyone would love to be the story of how they met their "soulmate." *Sigh* And again, I love your descriptions. They're just so vivid and yet mellow at the same time. Sometimes, the descriptions seem almost ethereal, as if something whispered and not written. I'm not sure how to describe it.
Your characters rock. Pure and simple. Will is so realistic, and the way you describe it, it's like showing not telling. I can totally see a friend of mine acting exactly like Will. Well, maybe not exactly, but close enough.
Then there's Faith. That little joke she made was perfect in that setting. Icebreaker and all. I laughed at that part even though the atmosphere almost felt fragile in the meeting of two people. As if speaking too loudly would shatter the hesitant connection between the two.
The name of the Cafe got to me. *laughs* It has all the corniness of a real cafe name. Blue Heart Cafe...Did you make it up or is it a real place?
Finally, I love the ending line. Not too sure what duvet means...Afraid to find out. :P However, even without knowing the complete meaning, I believe that the ending is perfect. *sigh* So sweet.
These titles sort of get me hungry. Very interesting...and slightly cliche...metaphors to writing. I'm a food fanatic so this appeals to me. Way too much.
It's a creative way of labeling systems. My folders are always unoriginal: Groups folder, Poetry, Short Stories, etc..
I also thought that maybe Maria did hire the assassin. Poor Maria. There's just so much untrust and suspicion in humanity, and it doesn't help that the media has such a great influence on the minds of the masses.
A truly edifying story. You should consider writing "The Blackest Gold," a story worth dying for without the dying part. :P
This whole story was slightly simplistic, different from your regular (well, the ones I've read before) writing style. But it has its own quirks.
I'm guessing you're trying to make a statement here. The last two paragraphs seem almost satirized (not sure if that's a word).
However, I can definitely relate to this story. My house would probably fit into the one with a free form garden. The backyard is like a jungle...I expect to see to a monkey anyday now, swinging from one of the trees. Unfortunately, I've also seen some interesting colors for doors, walls and roofs. Thankfully, I can't claim that description as my own. If you think purple's bad, wait till you see some hot pink with neon orange. It's....interesting. No other way to put it.
That's funny. You really should pick out a collection of stories and publish them. All of these are so unique and unusual that I think everyone would enjoy them.
This one is definitely chicken soup for my soul. The mini stories here were so hilarious. I sort of feel sorry for the guy who got caught in the letterbox. Although he being very....retarded (I'm being nice), no one really deserves to get that appendage caught like that...
That...I can't believe it...NOOOOO! Poor Martin...How could he!!! That...that...bah. I can't even come up with the words...Well...words suitable for a review.
*sigh* I really hope that this isn't a true story and that your evil mind is just working overtime. I've never heard of any sort of job like this. I hope I never will. I guess if you really think about it, we're all emotional punching bags for each other...
This folder is aptly named. It hardly whets a reviewer's appetite and leaves the readers yearning for another bite. Hey...that rhymes!
Anyways...I like the alliteration in the folder title. I don't know if it was on purpose or not. The parentheses also add a sort of statement that differentiates it from just being "Small Smack." It provides emphasis on the "small" and denotes symbolism in the "snack." Am I overanalyzing this? Probably.
Anyways....very good job. I think I've read about half of the flash fictions in here. As a whole, they were very well done and fit into this folder perfectly!
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My Overall Impression:
