Disclaimer: MY opinion. MY thoughts. MY suggestions.
My Overall Impression:
This is good. Really good. I was laughing. Loudly. I'm not sure if this is the type of "bad" poem that's good. Frankly, the rhyming and meter are horrible. But that just emphasizes the whole idea the poem is about. I really think it's perfect, in a bad way.
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
It's poetry. Who cares? In any case, you didn't have spelling/grammatical errors. Woohoo!
Theme/Plot:
I love your poem's theme. It's unique and you really pull it off. What more can I say?
I Loved:
Some stanzas of your poem aren't bad at all. Here are the favorite lines of mine:
1. "Iambic pentameter, dactylic tetrameter
"
2. "Sings with a raspy wheeze"
3. "And leave the poems to the bards"
Things to Improve:
It depends on what kind of poem this is. Is it really supposed to be a bad poem or am I misreading it and accidentally offending you? Tell me and I'll shush if I'm wrong. If not, I really don't see anything you should change.
Disclaimer: MY opinion. MY thoughts. MY suggestions.
My Overall Impression:
A wonderful poem. It gives the impression of a stream of consciousness, which is very unique. However, you misspelled a few things. Now normally, I'm not overly picky about it...but you misspelled something in your TITLE. That's something big because it detracts from your piece. It shows to the readers that you did not spend time on it, and as a result, they won't spend their time reading it. You obviously know how solitary is spelled (you spelled it correctly in your ending), so it's just a typo. Don't let typos detract from your work!
Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
Spelling and grammar aren't a biggie in poetry because of the free structure poetry uses. However, if a word is causing confusion in the meaning of the poem because of incorrect spelling or grammar, I will point that out because it breaks the focus and flow of the poem:
1. "No an end to conscious thought," Did you mean "not an end" or "no end?"
Everything else seems fine but you might want to check your placement of commas. I can't be sure of this but I think you might have forgotten commas certain places that you should've had to let readers pause in the reading of the poem for a "breather" and to allow for distinction between two separate statements.
Otherwise, wonderful job!
Theme/Plot:
The theme is pretty clear though the way the poem was written sort of covers it up. Then again, this is poetry. Some poems were meant to be vague.
The poem had lots of depth.
I Loved:
There were a lot of things I loved in this poem. Here are a few:
1. "Of people, places, things untold,"
2. "to give, perhaps, a guide to paths"
3. "In Eden’s garden ruin."
Things to Improve:
I think I covered everything. You might consider formatting the poem to present shifts in the poetry. Right now, the presentation of the poem seems daunting. If I may say so, it seems like one of the poems I'm going to have to analyze this coming May. It could possibly intimidate certain readers. One suggestion I could have for formatting this poem is to stick with no line breaks but instead, space some stanzas to the middle or maybe right side. Offer a contrast. That way, you can indicate a shift in thought and provide a less intimidating poem while still offering a stream of consciousness piece.
All in all, like I said before, the poem is beautifully written. It just needs to be polished slightly before it can become truly perfect.
Confuzzled:
Nothing really. It's a poem. It's supposed to confuse me. ^^
....It's beautiful.....I really like this story.....I especially like the last sentence. It emphasizes the mortality of humans. This story's made me more aware of the discrepancies of reality. I think that it's perfect the way it is. I love how you protrayed the girl, her actions telling more about her than her words. The way you wrote this piece out was wonderful. Everything connected and the plot was well defined. This piece of work is just so realistic and sad. And the descriptions, I loved some of your comparisions and metaphors. I believe that this is one of the best stories I've read.
This story is so sad.....I really felt like I wanted to cry during some parts.....but that's just me. I enjoyed your story but some places just seemed a bit unrealistic. Other parts seemed just like reality. I like this story because it has meaning and it shows us how real life is like. I love the plot but I believe that you could do better on the character development. Marie gives up her child but she doesn't really mature from it. You have to show more of how Marie changes through this story.
I like how you emphasized Jerry's role in Marie's decision. However, I think you should consider adding more information about Jerry in this story. Was he married happily or a proud bachelor? Did he have any children? Also, why is Bob the way he is? What made him go after Marie that way? We need a bit more explanation about that.
This story has a lot of conflict, but it's rising tension and climax is kind of disappointing. You have to build up on the reader's curiousity and fear. Is Marie really going to abandon her child? You should consider adding more parts about Marie's indecision.
All in all, this was a great story. If you improved it a bit, I'm sure it could go far. Write on!
Awww.......Darn it....Why couldn't that have been for me?! Sigh......sounds so......poetic...(i wonder why....)
First thing I want to say.....Don't blame me if this review is short cause it's almost perfect.....Sniff..I want to cry!!!!!! It's so sweet.....Okay....I'm alright.........whew.....
Okay....the bad part of your poem is that it's a tad bit too short.....The romantic person in me wants a poem of epic proportions....however, I don't think you would want to go through that so all I ask of you is....please....write some more!
Also, remember that in poetry you don't have to make sense......well, I mean grammatically.....and what else do I think you need? More description!!!!!!! I want to see the tears of your adoration glimmering on your cheek....smell the perfumed card you sent.....
Last thing! Take out all those extraneous words like:
the, an, a, etc......I know you can't take them all out but try as many as you can.....they make a poem sound like an essay then......but once again...I LUV your poem! Keep on writiing!
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My Overall Impression:
