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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nina155155
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15 Public Reviews Given
15 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Nina Powers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
ROFLMAO!!! Ok I so did not see that coming. I expected some sort of creepy spider to emerge from the lump, or something along those lines, but the falsies?!?! LOL! Brilliant!

No suggestions, very well written and good use of space (those dang word limits i tell ya). The title is the cherry on top.

Nina
2
2
Review by Nina Powers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Loved it! Of course. Do they really put weights in empty caskets? I'm curious to know. I see you in this story, in both roles.

Corrections: "that a prudent man last longer" either fix to " That prudent men last longer, or, that a prudent man lasts longer".

Suggestions: "The other from his Oncologist. Jack was dying, up on serious charges that could’ve dishonored his name and impoverished his family through loss of benefits." There is too much going on in this sentence I think. I'm not sure how to fix it exactly, but the sentence doesn't ring. Somehow grouping together that Jack is dying with the oncologist's letter in one sentence - and the consequences of the charges against him with the letter from IA in another sentence? Or perhaps the two letters in one sentence and the consequences of both in another sentence. Just suggestions :)

Write On!
Nina
3
3
Review of The Weather  
Review by Nina Powers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, my name is Nina and it's a pleasure to red and review your work.

First impressions: Touching and sad

Creativity/Impact: It made me immediately miss my father. The impact of loss is evident in your story and very touching.

Technical Notes: The third sentences in the first paragraph is quite long... perhaps break it up into two sentences?

Content: A young boy dealing with different views of death.

Overall Rating/Final thoughts: I gave this 4.5 stars. I really enjoyed the read and you managed to make me, the reader, FEEL. That is so very important in writing.
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Review by Nina Powers
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is absolutely beautiful. You should be submitting it to a spiritual magazine.

What I liked most: The way in causes self-reflection, the beautiful imagery and most of all, the message.

Suggestion: I would shorten it a little, maybe omitting some of paragraphs 6, 7 and 8 or blending the ideas between them into one paragraph.
5
5
Review by Nina Powers
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Very cool, I really enjoyed your story.

Way to go: on creativity. Wonderful spin and magical spark.

Editing note: "She had already lost track of time and realized she’d already used all her lunch hour." Too may alreadys?

Suggestion: Not much more you can do with 300 words, I feel you used the space well.
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Review of Day Trip  
Review by Nina Powers
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Excellent story. The dialogue was wonderful and the characters were very well structured for such a small amount of writing space. Congrats on the win!
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Review by Nina Powers
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Amazingly written, and so insightful! Kudos!
8
8
Review of Victory March  
Review by Nina Powers
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I really enjoyed the story and i loved the way you used the 3 points. I was surprised and shocked, and I could visualize the whole scene playing out. I can only imagine what you could produce with more time for editing! Kudos!
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