*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/noclue
Review Requests: OFF
1 Public Reviews Given
5 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by noclue
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a powerful piece of writing! You truly have a gift!

The only advice I have is that you should develop the character of Manoj more. Show us that he is a thug, rather than telling us.
Also, I notice that you sometimes use the dialect of the people you are writing about, and then sometimes you use american dialect. I think the story would be more authentic if you stuck to the indian dialect.
an example would be this sentence...
compromising, compromising, compromising, why must we always have to compromise.

I thought it should go maybe like this...(just a suggestion) compromising, compromising, compromising, why must we always be compromising?

overall you story is very powerful. great job!!
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/noclue