Plot/Feel: Fatherhood. Style: Four stanzas of four lines each. aabb format. Favourite Parts: I love how the writer takes us in one direction, then reveals a completely different direction at the end. Corrections/Advice:
And whisk her away into the sky.
My advice: I'm really not sure this line works. The rest of the poem works really, really well, but for me, this line seems shoehorned just to keep with the rhyme. I don't get the relevance of the "sky"?
My opinion: A very well written poem. With a clever use of words, which pulls the reader in one direction. Then at the end you make the big reveal and it's something completely different. I really enjoyed reading this piece.
Plot/Feel: Armageddon/warning. Style: Non-rhyming and free-form (I think?). Favourite Parts: I loved all of it. Corrections/Advice:
Angels come to warn of us but we pay no attention.
My advice:I think it's a typo. Should it be "Angels come to warn us", or "Angels come to warn us off"? It seems to me that "warn of us" would mean to warn others about us. But seeing as "we pay no attention", that wouldn't make sense.
My opinion: Extremely well written. Full of great descriptive words and the whole thing builds up perfectly to the event, then leaves us with a simple warning at the end. I really enjoyed reading it.
Plot/Feel: Emotional/Symbolic? Style: Non-rhyming poetry. Not sure if there is a specific style or format, if there is, it's one I'm not familiar with (Sorry if that's the case). Favourite Parts: I like the imagery and descriptive words. Corrections/Advice:
with rain as large
and wet
as spider sized drops.
My advice: I'm not sure if this is part of a specific format, or a type of writing, etc. But for me the description doesn't work. I think it might work better if you put: with rain as large as spiders, wetly dropping. Or something. I'm not sure.
My opinion: I like the poem. Starts out dark, and ends with hope. I guess it's the dream that everyone wants. You've some really good descriptive images and leave an emotional impression on the reader.
Plot/Feel: Family situation, with an argument and deathly end. Style: Very simple style, easy to read and with a nice rhyming scheme. Favourite Parts: I really like the end, the image of a young child gripping to their teddy bear for grim death, as they face the fact their parents may be dead. Corrections/Advice: No errors that I could see.
My opinion: Very well written poem. Seeping in emotion and imagery. Very dark, and really jumped out at (me) the reader. I really enjoyed reading this piece and especially loved the haunting end.
One little correction: "decended" in the line third from bottom, it should be "descended". And there should be a full stop at the end of the whole thing.
Apart from that though, you've done a great job. Really enjoyed reading it.
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And whisk her away into the sky. 