A good story line especially since in flash fiction things must move along briskly. I will give my comments as strictly from my point of view, not assuming my advice will actually make the story better, just slightly different. I like to see reactions rather than be told about reactions. An example might be, instead of saying John proclaimed proudly you could make John a bit more vivid to the reader if you used something peculiar about John from a visual or behavioral standpoint. One example might be, John roared like a lion, his red shaggy beard giving off the impression he was holding court. Now that might be totally wrong for the way you see John, but I make the point that I might want to visualize John rather than just be told he proclaimed proudly. So on to the next character the "I". instead of barely refrain perhaps, I looked down at my watch to keep from revealing my fear of John's most recent extravagance. I know these suggestions might not be at all appropriate for this story and I know to keep within a very small word count is hard, but that makes it even more important to make every single word count, make every single word touch the reader's senses, visual, taste, smell, sound. It's amazing how you can put the reader into the story by the aspect of smell. As an example if John smelled of rum and chocolate. So, just thought I'd give you a bit of food for thought. I love short stories that blast me in the face, not just with telling me boom, but by giving me a visceral reaction based on the metaphors and detail. Good job. Keep writing.
“This,” John proclaimed proudly, “is the most important object in my collection, the country, and the whole world.”
“That’s great, John.”
I could barely refrain from rolling my eyes. John was a decent guy but he had a tendency to be overenthusiastic about things.
“You don’t sound convinced. Let me tell you, without this we would all be dead.”
Did I say overenthusiastic? Sorry, that was a bit of an understatement. I reached over to touch it but he grabbed my hand.
“Careful, now! Didn’t you just hear me? That’s very powerful. You don’t know the severity of what you almost did. Why, we could have been vaporised, or hit with a meteorite, or-”
“I’m sorry. Calm down, I won’t damage it,” I said, touching his shoulder gently. “Let’s have a drink.”
He led me into his parlour, offered me a seat then went to the kitchen to prepare the drinks. I reflected on our conversation, and despite my lack of curiosity at the time, I was now rapidly becoming intrigued. What if, as he said, it really did have some significance? When I could no longer refrain from it, I sneaked back to look at it.
Enthralled by it, I stood closer to examine it more carefully. It fascinated me, and I couldn’t stop myself from reaching over and picking it up. Nothing happened.
“John certainly misunderstood that one,” I laughed. I was interrupted by a loud crash, and the floor beneath me trembled so violently that I could barely stand. The lights went out and the walls collapsed. The wreckage exploded into flame. BOOM BOOM BOOM
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