hi,
I took time to read your story, i found it really confusing.
Firstly the 'big' words you were using made it hard for me to follow the plot. Words such as Gnostic, tutelege, tenets to mention a few.
Sometimes i think it is more helpful to the reader if you just use simple words to tell your story rather than ones that requires the reader to keep refering to the dictionary to understand what you are talking about.
But overall your writing is really impressive though I really failed to understand what the story was about! The bus, train or Isis?
hi,
I found your piece interesting and straight to the point. Apart from misspelling the title (HEROS instead of HEROES) and leaving out a word or two, it was really flawless.
Though I was hoping you'd eventually tell us who your hero is?
Stay blessed.
I always like a story that has suspense and this one has. You don't know what is going to happen next, that is exciting.
The only advice I can give you is the same advice i was give a while back. When you're introducing a new character or scene then start a new paragraph. The same goes if you're quoting someone.
Overall it's an interesting piece. I enjoyed the unexpected ending.
it is a very interesting story, full of suspense and action. But they were a few hiccups. Firstly it took time for me to realize the gender of the main character, the scene where he took off the sandals led me to believe it was a lady only to find out later on that it is a man. And the ending is a bit tricky. At the end of the story you want to end up with more answers than questions but i found myself with a lot of unaswered questions, especially about the sound. But overall it is a good story.
I am not of a poetry person but your piece has really touched my heart. It is filled with pain and anguish but there is a also a glimpse of hope. You really put emotions in your writing. Congratulation, it is a nice piece of work.
There fairly good chapters but i don't know if you were trying to make the book longer, you seem to spend a lot of time on description. This makes the reader want to skip the paragraph. Especially the scene where she was jogging.
And then the suspense drags on, you want to know what the dreams were about and what caused them, and what happened with Tyler? It's like I have read these long chapters but I have got very little from them.
Otherwise it seems like a good book. And I love the christian aspect, not a lot of people express their christianity in their work.
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