Riot's (riot) Reviews

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202

#3814814

Review of Five Bucks

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Hello!

You'll have to forgive me for crushing on your work. It's rare that I come across a single author who has many things in their port for me to enjoy so much. Maybe it's because I enjoy the type of poetry so much, but I have no doubt that it's largely because of your skill and care with crafting together such wonderful images.

I think what really makes this fun is the mental imagery that the reader is exposed to. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was thinking that there had to be another explanation for the pun. How you came up with a story of money verses doe/deer is beyond me, but I found it quite clever and funny!

Overall, I cannot see anything that I would improve with this poem. I'm having quite a good time rummaging your port and finding these beautiful gems. Keep up the excellent work!

Write On!
Riot

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203

#3814810

Review of Captain Banana Peel

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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I came across your work today through the Member Account Birthdays

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Hello again, Magoo.

Another delightfully funny poem. Although this one had a lot of chuckle-worthy imagery, the end was the funniest part. I applaud you for being able to pack a real punch in the end line. My favorite part is stanza four and five. I liked how you described him (bananas!) and his actions of zipping and zapping through the town.

Overall, another enjoyable read. I can't wait to see what else you have in store!

Write On!
Riot

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204

#3814449

Review of My Grandparents like to Babysit

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Hello again Magoo!

I liked your other poem so much, I couldn't resist another peek through your port. I'm sure glad I did because I found this gem! This is another poem that just had me laughing from stanza to stanza. Those poor grandparents!

Again, I cannot find any room for improvement for this poem. I think you did a wonderful job with imagery, rhythm, rhyme, and pacing. Fantastic job!

Write On!
Riot

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205

#3814446

Review of I Saw a Dragon

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"

I came across your work today through the Member Account Birthdays

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Hello Magoo, and happy account anniversary!

Firstly, what a wonderfully fun poem! I enjoyed its rhythm, rhyme, and pace through and through. What a great little story!

I really liked: He chomped upon a flaming steak,/then swallowed whole, a pickled snake.

and ...had found a bride who weighed a ton.

I found myself smiling throughout this poem and even laughing at the end. Although not a short poem by any means, I found myself wanting more. I cannot find room for improvement on this that would do it any justice. I think you did an excellent job at making this a fun story.

I am happy to be the first to award this special poem. Thank you for sharing it, and keep up the excellent work!

Write On!
Riot

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206

#3813823

Review of Kiss the Wind

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Hello!

I am happy to have the opportunity to decorate this beautiful poem with its first awardicon. I really feel that this was a well put together poem with beautiful imagery and word choice. Some of my favorites are: sun angled, paint the rattling corn fields, and we ran like ripples of wind. Although there is a little inconsistency in punctuation, I feel I can offer no further improvement. I am happy to have come across this today, and thank you very much for sharing it!

Write On!
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207

#3813814

Review of Fountain of Youth

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hello Brae, and happy account anniversary!

I had to read this poem a couple of times for it to really sink it. I think this has some really wonderful imagery. Some of my favorite parts are: with nimble fingers/and I with clumsy ones, vigor of spring, and lilting only on the edges. I think there are some wonderful word choices, for sure, and I think that the light repetition (in the beginning lines of each stanza) were a good call. Thank you for sharing, and keep up the good work!

Write On!
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208

#3811620

Review of WYRM

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Hello Stargopher,

Wyrm is one of my favorites! I can never say too many great things about this wonderful group. What I like best about Wyrm is their critique. Although it's hard-core, the members of Wyrm will always give your their honest opinion on anything submitted. I personally appreciate their tough reviews because more often than not the group is right on with their thoughts for improvement. I am proud to donate to this group, and I hope that it continues to flourish and bring more activity to speculative fiction!

Write On!
Riot

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209

#3808754

Review of Southern Woods

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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I came across your work today through Random Reads

Hey Pat,

I'm so glad I came across this poem today. I vaguely remember seeing it before and never getting a chance to go back to it. Yay, random reads!

Word Choice and Imagery
I really enjoyed the phrases within this poem. I especially liked serenity in the gentle lapping and autumn-painted canopy as they both conveyed serene imagery and feel-good vibes.

Favorite Part
My favorite part of this poem, aside from bouquets of wildflowers being strewn around the trunk, has to be the actual words, and how they are constructed to resemble a tree. I am impressed with that in of itself, and kudos for actually coloring it!

Rhythm and Rhyme
Because of its structure, I think that the rhyme aspect is not quite what one would expect from traditional poetry, however I had no trouble reading it whatsoever. I cannot think of improvement in this regard.

Overall, I found this to be an enjoyable poem that captures a lot of feel good emotions. Thank you for sharing it, and keep up the great work!

Write On!
Riot

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210

#3798015

Review of Wedding Colors

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Hello there,

I really enjoyed this 'wedding of sorts' poem. I found it very clever how the different colors of the crayon mingled to play different roles in your poem. What I liked best was the story that this told and the way it was unfolded. Bravo!

My only thought for improvement on this is to take a little closer look on the syllables, and make sure it's really tight. What I mean by this is to cut where there's an 'extra' one and add where it's needed. Otherwise, I personally would've liked end line punctuation, but that's my personal opinion.

Overall, I felt this was above average but needed minor fixes. It brought a smile to my face tonight, and I thank you for that. Keep up the great work!

Write On!
Riot

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211

#3796539

Review of My Nightmare

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Hello there,

I want to first say that I find the sentiments of this poem to be touching, and I think it's a great tribute to the tragedy of yesterday's events. It really gets to me when something like this happens.

That being said, I feel you did a pretty good job, especially since these events did just happen. I liked how the poem rhymed, but I feel that in some spots the rhythm is off. Once in awhile an extra syllable or two will pop up and make it feel a little jolted, but then other times it feels like there needs to be an extra one. When this happens in my poems I'll count out the syllables of each line or phrase and compare it to the rest in the poem. If it's only one or two off, I'll usually go back and edit. I feel this may be advantageous in the case of this poem.

Overall, I stand by what I said earlier, and that this was a good tribute to a terrible event. Thank you for sharing it with us! Keep up the good work.

Write On!
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212

#3796183

Review of Reality

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Hello there,

I would have to agree with the item genre of dark/death that this is true, but I also think that it has an air of philosophical undertones as well. What I liked best about this poem was that it doesn't actually reveal to the reader what's to come. Although it's pretty straightforward with plainly stating that there is more to come, and also speaks of a lot of destruction, it leaves the reader wondering what's really insinuated. This, in my opinion, sparks a bit of thinking which I always find stimulating in this type of poetry.

I found the punctuation and capitalization to be random, and it doesn't always apply where you'd think it should. I think the flow of the poem would be helped considerably if either it was consistent throughout or removed entirely. I also feel that bloody was used a bit heavy-handed, and it probably would be a little less overused if perhaps synonyms were put in place of most of them. Upon a revisit and revise, one may also find that more similes or metaphors crop up.

Overall, I felt this needed some work, but was a worthwhile read. Thank you for sharing it with us!

Write On!
Riot

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213

#3795268

Review of solace in solitude

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hello there,

I enjoyed the overall fantasy feel of this poem. Although the point of view seems at a glance to be that of a large cat (I'm reminded of the lion from Wizard of Oz) it has good parallels to the feelings and emotions of one trapped.

I think with the way this flows it might benefit from punctuation at the end of lines where appropriate. Overall though, I thought this was a good poem and thank you for sharing it with us.

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214

#3701895

Review of Voodoo Queen of New Orleans

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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I am reviewing you today on behalf of "Simply Positive Review Forum "

Heya Dennis,

I really liked this poem! I thought the information at the end was a nice touch, but even without knowing the history of the tomb you made me feel as though Marie Laveau was as real as can be.

I can't say I have any one favorite part of this poem because I enjoyed every bit of it. I think it's because of its seamless rhyming and flow. Fantastic!

Overall, I'm so glad I found this today. Thank you for sharing it with us! It holds a well deserved win or two.

Write On!
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215

#3698295

Review of Change Your Mind

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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I am reviewing you today on behalf of "Simply Positive Review Forum "

Heya Fyn,

Before even reading this poem I spotted asparagus and broccoli, and I felt more compelled to see what it was all about.

I really liked this poem and how it tells a story from youth to adulthood. It doesn't focus on all of the ailments of childhood, but rather introduces similar experiences we can all relate to through the changing of minds and 'icky' vegetables.

My favorite part is the last stanza because it brings a full circle to what the author originally started. It shows, for younger people, that they can ultimately be comfortable, but it also completes the story for the narrator.

Overall, I'm glad I came across this today. Thank you for sharing!

Write On!
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216

#3698275

Review of Struggle

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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I am reviewing you today on behalf of "Simply Positive Review Forum "

Hey there,

Although a short poem, I can definitely relate to the author on the subject, and emotions evoked in this poem. There is nothing specifically grand about the wordplay and one may even say it's simply structured, but I don't feel as though that detracted from anything.

Here's to many more successes! Thank you for sharing, and keep up the good work.

Write On!
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217

#3698266

Review of Summer Solstice

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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I am reviewing you today on behalf of "Simply Positive Review Forum "

Hello there!

I enjoyed this pi poem because it got me thinking of the differences and similarities between seasons and civilizations, a parallel that I have never considered before. I found this forum to be a refreshing break from traditional poetry styles where everything has to look neat and rhyme.

The only suggestion I have it to place a comma after autumn in line thirteen because although the poem is spaced in fragments and specific syllables or word counts, everything else is grammatically correct except for that one spot.

Also, kudos for using inauguration the way it was. I really felt there was a lot of beautiful parallels in this poem. Fantastic work!

Write On!
Riot

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218

#3698264

Review of Disarray

Review by Riot

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hey, D!

An easy read, the simple three stanzas within this poem bring daily politics to the table well. One could argue that these aren't even modern, but rather a product of every generation, which is why I like it so much.

The rhyming scheme is simple and the flow is spot on. I felt that stanza two was the most thought provoking.

Thank you for sharing this with us. Keep up the great work!

Write On!
Riot

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219

#3698157

Review of Lurkers

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Hello there!

Although this was accidentally mislabeled as a poem, I still found this to be an interesting read. As the author stresses, we are a product of our time, and the internet plays an integral role in that.

Some things I came across:
...a game like children

game-like
...will clasp the others hand

Check for possession on others.
Ironic that in an era of social networking that allows us

redundant use of that.
...if we continue on in our journey...

preferential language given the voice of the author.
destroy our home[,] and
to always hold on, to [and] always support each other - This'll get rid of the split infinitive.
our purpose[,] and we simply...

I like how the information was presented. The categories acted as titles but also helped gear the reader to the topic.

Some of my favorite parts:
rebels of an unknown cause
they are faceless nomads of this techno dream
vagabonds drifting from place to place
they are the misbegotten children

Thank you for sharing this. It gave me a lot to think about!

Write On!
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220

#3697876

Review of If I was a bird

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Hello there,

I liked the gentle rhyming of this poem and the way it flowed. I liked how it told a story and gave us insight to the narrator and her feelings.

Some things I came across:
who lives in [a] world of...
...I see only enemity - Did you mean enmity?
...with no social boundings, - I think this may be best as bounding.

I found this poem to be beautiful and thought provoking, despite its harsher political undertones. Thank you for sharing it with us!

Write On!
Riot

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221

#3697828

Review of TL;DR

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Hello there,

I was attracted to read this item today because of its title, and I was interested in what the author had to say on the subject.

Fitting, this shorter poem gets right to the point of its subject. Although I had a chuckle, the sentiments are all too true. I found this to be a well written, brief blurb on today's fascination with TL;DR.

Well put!

Write On!
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222

#3673336

Review of The Unknown

Review by Riot

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Rated: E

| (3.5)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Morning,

Although this poem was inspired while doing LSD, I found it to be thought provoking none-the-less. The end line especially gets me thinking, as I look out my window this morning at the side-ways flowing snow. How depressing!

I'd definitely be interested in seeing this poem in longer form, or perhaps even broken into several poems. As it stands right now, it's fairly abstract, but there's nothing wrong with that.

Thanks for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your work.

Write On!
Riot

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223

#3637569

Review of What is Love?

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Hello there,

This poem reminded me of an exercise we did in college, where the writer 'borrows' ideas from other writing for inspiration. Unfortunately this means that in reality any work produced could probably never be published, but it was a good lesson. I don't think I've ever seen anyone use dictionary resources for this kind of writing, but I have to admit that I have seen people quote The Bible.

I think that the idea behind this is interesting and good for practice, but on the whole it didn't really feel like poetry to me. That isn't to say that I didn't appreciate the efforts though, and of course, it's also just my opinion. I think that maybe if this was expanded a bit, or if you added a little bit more of your own personal flare, it would really change from just a few definitions on the screen into something more meaningful.

For instance, maybe you could place some personal commentary after each definition. Is it what you think is love? Do you agree with it? Do you disagree with it? Are there any experiences you have that you could share within it?

As I said, I did like the idea behind this. This is a good thing to keep in a writing journal if you have one. I'm looking forward to possibly coming across more of your work in the future. Thank you for sharing.

Write On!
Riot

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224

#3636617

Review of Wandering Star

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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I came across your work today through Noticing Newbies

Hi there,

I thought you did a pretty good job with this poem. I like how you made joining images between the wandering star and vacant heart. The way this is narrated reminds me of a lullaby almost.

One thought I had is that perhaps the lines could be a bit shorter. They start off pretty long, and eventually end in three word lines in the last stanza. Although I can understand why, I do think that it may have more quality flow if it were easier to read in shorter lines.

The phrase and the shadows do not wish to receive you was my favorite because it left me with a sorrowful, haunting emotion I feel I can relate to.

Overall, I felt this was above average, but that there is still a little bit of work to be done on it. Thank you for sharing it with us, and keep up the great work.

Write On!
Riot

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225

#3635349

Review of Free at Last

Review by Riot

In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

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This review brought to you by request.

Hello again,

I was pretty impressed with this very short read. I often prefer to read shorter works due to my attention span being that of a walnut. I was also refreshed to see that this was nearly grammatically flawless!

One minor suggestion I have is this line: The wood grain handle hand gun adjacent to my bruised legs nags me. -- I just can't say 'wood grain handle hand gun' with a straight face. I just can't seem to make it happen, especially without my tongue getting tied into a nice Christmas bow. I think it's because of the way 'handled' and 'hand' are so similar. Perhaps you could use a synonym somewhere in there.

(Whoops, there's a small typo in the description with silence.)

What I liked best about this was the visual and stimulating descriptions. The ending was a bit of a cliff-hanger for me, but as they say, always leaving them wanting more.

Overall, I felt this was above average, and a good short read. Thanks again for sharing your work!

Write On!
Riot

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