This is really funny, and most of the matches in their work really well! Your piece is a good length, and it has a nice story line. You have a nice writing style, and I'll be looking forward to reding some of your other works. If I could say anything about this piece, then maybe there could be a bit more room to adapt it with the blanks; at the moment the situation is a bit restricted. However, overall, this is a fantastic piece, and I thank you for a good laugh XD
Bahahahahhaha That was great! I'm a sucker for Valentines day usually, but this really reminds me of people who just don't buy it. Your style of writing is great, with a really nice sense of realism sewn through it. Even as you write in a realistic form, you appeal to the senses well. If I could say anything about this piece (and I'll admit I found it hard to find anything) it would be that maybe the story could flow a bit more, because it seemed as though it was a bit choppy sometimes.
However, your characterisation is brilliant and you have a great use of adjectives, so I thank you for a great read, and I hope you keep on writing XD
This is absolutely chilling. You have a spectacular feel to your writing and you have a good feel of the senses - although the sense of smell could be used in your writing more. I absolutely loved you use of adjectives, and the flow was brilliant. Your denoument was truly spectacular, and I could feel the tears welling up as he got to Vanessa. You show Adam off really well. One thing I'd say about Adam is that he is a little bit too obsessed with death; we need to see some more of his emotions, and he needs a bit more of a story, otherwise we don't feel so attatched to him, even though he is a character we dislike. You are a truly brilliant writer, so please keep writing, and thank you for a story that's going to keep me awake at night. Good, now I can finish my assignments XD
This is really funny, good job! I like the bit about the heart attack because he was on time, that was funny. A suggestion I could make - maybe it might be better if you started from Hal's birth, and slowly progressed to his death with the seperate accounts of how late he was. Also, although I know it's a comedy piece, maybe the character could have developed a bit more? Like maybe what job he did could add to the humour. I do like the continous motif of things running out of gas though :P Good job, keep writing and thank you for this piece of entertaining writing XD
A really spectacular view on death, religion, love, and the begginings of hate (I hope that's what it was meant to be... :P) Even something so short and light as this really made me sad when she stopped being love, and it's a truly eye-opening fable. You have a good use of the senses, and your imagery is fantastic. GOOD JOB XD Thank you for your exellent story :D
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