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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/seekingcalm
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15 Public Reviews Given
86 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Mind's Voice  
Review by seekingcalm
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Best line:
"I run endless fields of despair and anguish, searching for...."

Why I thought so:
conjures a great/powerful vision in the reader's mind

My understanding is that you wrote this to describe your painful experience of a current episode of depression. I think you accurately conveyed the pain and sense of deadness and anhedonia one can experience at those times.

I hope you are feeling better now (and that the positive mental state can last a while).
2
2
Review by seekingcalm
Rated: E | (4.0)
There is a lot of good information here. The reader learns a great deal about Schulz's early life, how he started the Peanuts strip and its overall influence and readers and the culture as a whole.

Some grammar suggestions--

"only child of devoted parents who never got further than the 3rd grade"--misplaced modifier--is it C. Schulz or his parents who only completed 3rd grade? (yes, I know we find out later in the essay).

"center has a large collection of personal memorabilia..."this is a very long sentence and could be either broken into at least 2 sentences, or modified by using a semi-colon.

"museum and research center..." plural subject should have plural form of verb--use "are open"

Good analysis and I like the level of detail.
3
3
Review by seekingcalm
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very well-constructed. You make your points with precision and use many examples to back up your analysis.

Nice work!
4
4
Review of Revenge  
Review by seekingcalm
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
What I liked:
--this kind of story will resonate will almost anyone--I can't think of a kid who hasn't been bullied at some point and, for some people, it's a traumatic memory they carry with them well into adulthood.
--it follows the classic climax/resolution arc, which makes it a satisfying read.

What can be improved:
--how much regret do you feel right now about what you did? (I don't know how old you are). It might add some "oomph" to the piece for us to know your perspective today.
--needs a few tweaks of punctuation.

I enjoyed it.
5
5
Review by seekingcalm
Rated: E | (3.5)
The premise is good/intriguing and the opening is strong. Unclear if there's an ongoing conflict with the mother and the battle about a home perm. is just one facet of it.

What would make it stronger:
a little more background

What works well:
snappy dialogue
good descriptions
6
6
Review of Celebrating What?  
Review by seekingcalm
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Is your central point that if women were fully integrated and equal in "mainstream" society, then there would be no need for a special "day"?

It's unclear if that's the central thesis of your article.

The examples used of actual lives and actual struggles were compelling and moving.
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